


Love is Like...

by pantswarrior



Category: Tiger & Bunny
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Partnership, Request Meme, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-10
Updated: 2011-12-10
Packaged: 2017-10-27 04:10:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 69,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/291480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pantswarrior/pseuds/pantswarrior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even if it's killing Kotetsu to live a lie, he just wants to give Barnaby some happiness for once in his life. He's Barnaby's partner, he'll stick with him no matter what... so if Barnaby thinks they're in love, no harm done, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> **Spoilers:** Takes place mostly during the second half of the series, so there are spoilers all the way to episode 25.
> 
> Written for [this prompt](http://t-and-b-anon.livejournal.com/3336.html?thread=2889224#t2889224) at the Tiger & Bunny fic meme - and boy am I glad I wasn't discouraged by someone else filling before I got the chance, because writing this was incredibly interesting to me. These boys have so many issues. I like boys with issues. :D
> 
> As mentioned on the meme itself, this story has three possible endings - three places I'd considered stopping, but in two of those cases I wanted to explore some more, so kept writing. Chapter ~~Six~~ Seven (according to the way the site insists on numbering things) is the fluff ending, Chapter ~~Nine~~ Ten is the angst ending, and the rest of it is the messy-but-not-angsty-or-fluffy ending. So depending on what you want out of a fic, feel free to stop reading at any of those points.
> 
> In addition to the content on the meme, this version has an "omake" scene - something I thought about writing to go between the last chapter and epilogue, but I thought it might disrupt the flow of the story, and it wasn't long enough to be a chapter in its own right. But darnit, I wanted to write it anyway. So for those who have already read this ~~and again, are reading!~~ , enjoy a little bonus!

Kotetsu wanted to say that it wouldn't have happened if they hadn't been drinking. Because they _had_ been drinking, and that was how it started. Since the Ouroboros incident, though, it wasn't unusual for the two of them to get together sometimes - awkwardly at first, but gradually growing more accustomed to each other's company.

Barnaby smiled now, and laughed. Kotetsu was a little freaked out by it initially, but after a few weeks, it became clear that it wasn't a show he was putting on for Kotetsu, like he used to put it on for the cameras. Finding and facing his parents' killer, and ultimately defeating him, had truly eased the emotional burden on Barnaby. It wasn't all so simple, of course - there was the time early on, for instance, when Barnaby had shown up at his door late at night, just after Kotetsu had climbed into bed. He'd given no explanation, just asked if he could come in, and the anxious look on his face made it impossible for Kotetsu to refuse. Or to not offer him a drink. And though Barnaby never explained what specifically had caused him to stop by, he'd thanked Kotetsu and stuck around long enough to admit that he didn't know what he was supposed to do now.

"Isn't there anything you've ever wanted to do?" Kotetsu had asked, over his own beer, now wide awake. "Because you're pretty much king of the world right now - you can do just about anything you want."

"All I ever wanted was to find him," Barnaby admitted, his eyes cast down. "It's all I ever thought about... Everything I've done for the last twenty years was all to that end."

"Everything?"

"Everything." Barnaby set down his beer, folding his hands, and Kotetsu didn't know what to say in the face of a life as lonely and bitter as Barnaby's must have been.

Except that he could stop by anytime, and they'd find something to do. Maybe they'd find something Barnaby liked to do.

Their tastes didn't overlap that much, to be honest. Barnaby was cultured and refined, Kotetsu was casual. Eventually, though, Kotetsu came to appreciate that there was some seriously admirable skill and training involved in classical opera, just as Barnaby came to acknowledge that the classic rock Kotetsu favored was catchy and fun and sometimes involved a fair amount of skill as well. Barnaby may not have been as excited by the thrill of old HeroTV videos as Kotetsu was, but the history behind it and the evolution of NEXT from fearsome aberrations to celebrated heroes was interesting to him, having come of age in a time where they were more accepted. Being older, Kotetsu had about ten extra years of experience with that evolution that he could tell Barnaby about.

Barnaby's drinks were more refined, too, though he got used to drinking whatever Kotetsu had on hand eventually. That night, a few months after Ouroboros, there was a bottle of gin and two glasses on the coffee table in front of them. Barnaby seemed more tense than usual, even after a few drinks, but Kotetsu wasn't going to push.

Finally, after small talk that seemed as awkward as it had in the early weeks, Barnaby took a deep breath and set the glass down. "Kotetsu... I have to tell you something."

Kotetsu felt his blood run cold. Bad news, from the sound of it. He's leaving, was his first thought. He figured out what he wants to do, and it's not being a hero. He'd gotten used to their partnership, they were working well together nowadays, and the thought of going back to working alone left him feeling empty. "Yeah?" was all he said.

"I... don't know how to say something like this," Barnaby admitted, staring ahead at his empty glass rather than looking at Kotetsu. "I've never said anything like this. I don't want it to sound like it's so important that I'm willing to ruin our partnership over it. I'm not."

So it wasn't about not being a hero. Kotetsu was relieved, but also puzzled. "Well, good... What is it?" He frowned slightly. "If I did something..."

"No, it's not you at all," Barnaby assured him. "It's me." After a second, he managed to look up, meeting Kotetsu's eyes seriously. "Kotetsu... I... I don't know how this happened, but I'm... I've fallen in love." Kotetsu was left to wonder why this was so hard for Barnaby to admit, until a few seconds later, he added, "With you."

Kotetsu was almost sure he hadn't heard that right. But if he hadn't heard what he'd thought he heard, what else had Barnaby said?

"I know we had our differences, when we first met... and we still do. But you've been there for me in a way no one else has, even when I didn't deserve it. After everything I said to you, you were still there when I needed you most... and I didn't even realize I needed you until there you were, behind me. And you're _still_ here, putting up with... someone who's so different from you. Someone who's really confused..."

Barnaby wasn't the only one who was confused. Between his confusion and the drinks he'd already had, Kotetsu said nothing.

So Barnaby continued. "It... took me a while to figure it out... why I kept coming back here, why I kept trying, why it made me feel better just to see your smile. I've never felt anything quite like this before, Kotetsu," he said, his expression open and honest. "I almost didn't recognize it. But I don't know what else it could be..."

And that... made sense, if Kotetsu thought about it. If Bunny had been focused on avenging his parents, if he'd never thought about romance, he wouldn't have a clue what love was when he felt it for the first time. But from what Kotetsu remembered about love, during his teenage years, there were a lot of things that could be mistaken for love. Lust, friendship, gratitude... and every time, it was different. Every time, it felt like this time, he must have gotten it right. The only difference when Tomoe finally kissed him was that... that time? He _knew_ he'd gotten it right.

"I know there are a lot of reasons for me to keep it to myself," Barnaby continued, bowing his head a little. "We have to work together day to day, for one... We still don't see eye to eye on a lot of things, for another, and I don't even know if you could ever be interested in another man. But what I feel is so strong," he said, looking up to Kotetsu again, this time with brave determination, "I decided that if there was any chance at all that you might feel the same way, I needed to find out. Even if it turned out that you didn't, I... needed to know."

Kotetsu didn't know what to say. At all.

Barnaby broke eye contact again, reaching for the bottle and pouring more gin into his glass. "...Please say something, Kotetsu," he murmured after a quick swallow. "Anything. I won't be upset... I knew it was likely you wouldn't feel the same way. It's not knowing that hurts - I don't know why it hurts..." He chuckled softly, without humor. "This is all new to me."

Barnaby was a rational, pragmatic kind of guy; of course he recognized that the odds were slim that Kotetsu would feel the same way about him. It must have taken a lot of courage for him to say it anyway. Courage... or maybe desperation. He said he'd never said anything like this before, to anyone.

He considered Kotetsu his first love. And he was twenty-four years old.

He was looking up to Kotetsu again, his eyes scared and searching. Then, just like that, they seemed to turn off, turning distant and unreadable, just like they used to be all the time. "...I understand," he said, and turned his head away. "It's all right. You can forget I said anything. I'm sorry if I made things-"

"No." Kotetsu hadn't been speaking because he had been thinking.

Barnaby had been shifting forward to stand up, but then he hesitated and glanced back, his expression guarded. "No?"

"No," Kotetsu repeated, and he smiled, though it was probably an unsteady, somewhat sickly one. "It's all right, Bunny. You haven't done anything wrong."

"Of course not," Barnaby muttered, looking away again. "Only something poorly thought-out and stupid..."

"No," Kotetsu insisted, and reached out to take Barnaby's hand before he could try to stand up again. This time, when Barnaby looked up at him, there was a startled hope there - and it told Kotetsu he must be doing the right thing.

First loves never lasted. Usually they crashed and burned within a couple of weeks, the way Kotetsu remembered middle school. Everyone was trying to figure out what love was, they thought they had, and they were never right. Everyone was bound to make a few mistakes along the journey, but mistakes could be a good learning experience. Kotetsu had made enough mistakes in his life to be pretty sure about that.

All things considered, he was a pretty good mistake for Barnaby to make. He'd treat Barnaby right while it lasted, and when Barnaby inevitably realized that they couldn't possibly work out in the long term, Kotetsu wouldn't be hurt, because he already knew.

His hand tightened on Barnaby's. "It's okay," he told Barnaby again, with a smile that was a little more genuine. "I'm glad you told me."

The look of amazement in Barnaby's eyes... sort of hurt. "So... you mean, it's..."

Kotetsu nodded, still smiling. "Yeah. ...Stop freaking out and come over here, okay?" he suggested, opening his arms.

Barnaby fell into them gratefully, wrapping his arms tight around Kotetsu, burying his face in Kotetsu's shoulder. He was _shaking_ \- but then, a first love confession could rattle anyone, Kotetsu supposed. He squeezed Barnaby tightly in return, rested his head against Barnaby's comfortably. Even if this wasn't love, Barnaby _needed_ this. He needed someone he could count on to be there, to support him. A good partner fulfilled that role, but the popular view seemed to be that love was stronger. Either way, Kotetsu was just fine being the person that Barnaby depended on, no matter what they called it. That wouldn't change, now or after.

When Barnaby tilted his head up to find Kotetsu's mouth, Kotetsu supposed he shouldn't have been surprised. It went with the territory. And, well, it wasn't unpleasant, being kissed by someone who thought he was in love. He just felt a little guilty...

"...Was that your first kiss?" he asked afterwards, as Barnaby rested his head on Kotetsu's shoulder again.

"With someone I love? Yes." Barnaby sighed faintly. "Altogether, no. I've known people who just needed to get through the night... and at the time, so did I. This is the first time it's counted."

Kotetsu felt just a little more guilty. More so when Barnaby raised his head and did it again. "It's much better," Barnaby murmured, with a smile Kotetsu had never seen on his face before.

"Good," Kotetsu murmured in reply, and hugged Barnaby tight against his chest in hopes he wouldn't do it again.

They'd both had enough drinks that Barnaby couldn't get home unless he called a taxi, and they both agreed that it was unnecessary, especially now. Kotetsu was willing to let Barnaby share his bed - "Just... we're sleeping, all right?" Kotetsu stated as they headed for the loft where his bedroom was. "That's all. ...I don't think we should take things too fast."

Barnaby nodded, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "With anyone else, I would have been impatient," he admitted, smiling at Kotetsu. "But if this is something real, then I'm willing to wait. There's so much to be happy about as it is - every smile, every touch... I'll take my time and enjoy every new experience - not just the ones that any two people can share."

Not knowing what to say to that, Kotetsu just smiled and reached out to ruffle Barnaby's hair fondly. Barnaby's smile deepened. "Like that one," he murmured.

It wasn't bad to have someone in his bed again, Kotetsu had to admit. Barnaby was warm and solid and comfortable, curled up against him in a sweet, trusting way. Like a child. Kotetsu couldn't say he was like a lover. Barnaby was just... grateful, or didn't understand friendship, or partnership... He'd sort this out before long - he was a smart guy. And for the moment, Kotetsu would indulge what he thought he needed.

In the morning, he snuck out of bed early, supposedly to find some aspirin for the headache. What in the world had he gotten himself into last night, he wondered as he sat down on the couch, staring blankly at the nearly empty bottle? But then Barnaby woke up, and the tired but brilliant smile when Barnaby leaned over the loft's railing to say good morning, still obviously contented and affectionate and regretting nothing... that was enough to remind Kotetsu why he'd done it.

The drinks might have helped. But to tell the truth, Kotetsu probably would have done the same sober.


	2. Chapter 2

If Barnaby had never been in a real relationship before, he probably didn't know much about how things changed, which Kotetsu found convenient. A lot of the things that were involved, spending time together and helping each other out and listening and so on, wasn't exclusive to a romantic relationship, and they were things he and Barnaby had been doing anyway. They were partners, after all. And these days, friends. Friendship wasn't that different than love, so it was no wonder Barnaby was confused.

The main difference, Kotetsu thought, was that there was a bunch of physical stuff that went along with love. Hugging and kissing and... stuff that he really hoped Barnaby wouldn't get impatient about before he got tired of the idea of a relationship, because he couldn't do that to Barnaby. He couldn't do that with anyone, if he didn't really mean it - he'd made that decision a long time ago, and he wasn't going to go back on it now.

Fortunately, even after a couple of weeks, Barnaby didn't seem to be getting impatient about spending the night. Unfortunately, he also didn't seem to be getting tired of the relationship. The smiles when they saw each other in the morning were no less bright and genuine, and the apparent urge to take Kotetsu's hand or rest a hand on his shoulder or kiss him goodnight after they'd finished for the day hadn't diminished in the slightest.

This was okay with Kotetsu, so far. Barnaby was happy, and Kotetsu was happy that he could make Barnaby happy by doing such simple things. As long as they didn't take it too far, and as long as he didn't encourage it. And Kotetsu had to admit, it was kind of flattering to be thought of so highly. To be wanted. He hadn't really felt wanted since Tomoe, and though his pride as a romantic prospect was the last thing he'd been concerned about in the intervening years, Barnaby's affection did make him feel like a little bit less of a hopeless loser. And even if it wasn't anything, it was kind of nice to cuddle up on the couch with someone after a long day, dozing off in front of the television. Enjoying that didn't mean it was love - he'd done the same thing with his mom as a kid, or with Kaede when she was little, and he'd always been grateful for that kind of closeness, feeling safe and warm with someone else. Kotetsu had always been fine with snuggles or hugs.

Up until Barnaby surprised him one day after a job, while they were still at headquarters.

"It's been awhile since we've gone out on the town," Antonio had been observing. "Not getting too old for the bars, are you?"

"Are _you_ getting too old?" Kotetsu teased him. "But seriously, I've just had some stuff I had to take care of."

"Tonight?"

"Mmm..." These days, Barnaby usually came by after a job. They hadn't actually talked about it that night in particular, though it was pretty much a given. Still, even actual couples didn't spend every single day and night together. "You know, I bet I could swing it," Kotetsu decided. "I just need to let Bunny know, wherever he's hopped off to..."

"Oh, if you two had plans," Antonio offered, "that's fine. Some other night, then."

"We don't have actual _plans_..." Kotetsu began, hurriedly trying to come up with an explanation that wasn't _the_ explanation.

That was pre-empted by two arms sliding around his waist from behind, enclosing him in a warm, comfortable hug. "It's all right, Kotetsu," came Barnaby's voice, just behind his ear. "Go ahead - I know I've been monopolizing you lately."

Still facing Antonio, rather than Barnaby, Kotetsu was positioned to see Antonio's eyebrows rise in curious surprise. "Oh, _well._ I, uh, wouldn't want to get in the way."

"No, it's fine," Barnaby assured Antonio - and thank goodness, because Kotetsu was completely lost for words. "You've been his friend since high school. If anything, I've been in _your_ way."

"Heh..." Kotetsu supposed he should probably say something. "Thanks, Bunny... You really don't mind?" He hoped not, because now he really _did_ need some time alone with Antonio to explain this.

He felt Barnaby's curls brush his cheek as Barnaby shook his head, and then the soft press of lips before Barnaby's arms retreated. "Not at all, we'll see each other tomorrow. Have fun. If you need a ride, call me."

"Heheh, got it." Kotetsu hadn't been planning on drinking, but given the angle of Antonio's eyebrows now, he could probably use a few drinks.

"...So how long has _this_ been going on?" Antonio asked, once Barnaby had turned and gone, and the two of them were headed for the parking garage.

"Almost a month - well, sort of." Kotetsu tried to make sense of his scattered thoughts. "I mean, it's not actually going on. I mean, something's going on, but it's not what it looks like."

"Then what is it?"

"...Tell you when we're somewhere else," Kotetsu muttered. He didn't want to say too much, just in case Barnaby appeared out of nowhere again.

Later, when they were settled in one of their favorite bars, with drinks and snacks in front of them, Kotetsu could explain to Antonio. He'd debated telling the truth for a little while on the way over, just because one more person knowing meant there was one more way his charade could be found out... but it was Antonio. He could trust Antonio.

In fact, Antonio's drink was non-alcoholic; after what had happened back at headquarters, he had the feeling Kotetsu might need a drink, and might not want to take Barnaby up on the offer of a ride. "That's... a dangerous move. You could just wind up hurting him, if he finds out."

"I know." Kotetsu rested his head in his hands tiredly. "And that's what I was trying to avoid - hurting him."

"Sometimes you're not too bright," Antonio said helpfully. "Especially when it comes to romance."

"Oh, shut up." Kotetsu smiled faintly in spite of himself. "Anyway, you don't know him like I know him. His life's been horrible, he's been alone this whole time, just focusing on avenging his parents. He hasn't had time to try out things like love and romance - not until after we took out Jake Martinez. So he's confused now - he's experimenting. Who didn't experiment a little the first time they had something that looked like a romance? Better to have him experiment with someone who's not going to hurt him, and that won't be hurt when it all goes wrong."

"True," Antonio acknowledged. "But he's a stubborn, dedicated guy... Think about it, Kotetsu. He spent twenty years chasing what looked like a hopeless goal. What if he spends the next twenty years trying to make a relationship with you work?"

Kotetsu removed his hands, letting his head drop against the bar with a thud. "Hadn't thought of that," he mumbled against the polished wood. "Shit..."

"I'm not saying he _will_ ," Antonio added. "But this might be a longer-term experiment than you expected."

"It already is," said Kotetsu, still face-down. "I thought he'd get sick of me after a week or two. Figure out that we weren't really anything more to each other than partners..."

Antonio chuckled. "Are you at least getting anything out of it?"

"I'm not sleeping with him, if that's what you mean."

"It's not," Antonio assured him, "but I have to admit, I was kind of surprised. Not about it being Barnaby so much, but I didn't _think_ you were interested in men."

"Nope." It was true that Kotetsu had done some of his own 'experimenting' when he was young, but then he'd met Tomoe, and that had been the end of that. He hadn't even thought much about it since.

"I... It's not like it's completely miserable or anything," Kotetsu admitted, straightening up a little. "It's nice being loved. Especially coming from someone like Bunny, who doesn't really _do_ that sort of thing. Good for the ego, you know?"

"I bet. Not that you haven't gotten plenty of ego boosting since that stunt you two pulled with Jake..."

"And that's the other thing," Kotetsu continued. "We're not really doing that much that isn't completely normal for coworkers to do. There's a little kissing and stuff involved in the mix, sure, but aside from that, all I have to do is be a good partner. That's all he really needs, and he doesn't need to be my boyfriend to get that."

"A good partner by your standards," Antonio noted. "Most coworkers wouldn't actually treat people like you do - you're sort of over the top. It's no wonder he thought he had a chance with you."

"Shut up and eat your chips," Kotetsu groaned, as Antonio chuckled again.

\---

Of course Agnes got wind of it before long. Nothing went on around the heroes that she didn't find out about eventually. And anything she found out about, she just had to stick her nose in.

Kotetsu knew they were in for it when both of them got called to her office one day, and arrived to find her eyes blazing. He wasn't sure if it was a good fire or a bad fire, but whether she liked or disliked whatever was going through her mind at the moment, it probably meant something PR-related, and therefore it was bound to be annoying to _him_.

Barnaby was a lot better at being professional than Kotetsu was, and stepped up to her desk without a double-take at the expression on her face. "Did you need something of us, Ms. Joubert?"

"For now, I need answers," she replied, her tone focused and direct. "Why don't the two of you have a seat?" It wasn't a suggestion, so they did.

"I received some interesting feedback regarding the two of you," she stated when they were all settled, Barnaby comfortably and Kotetsu rather awkwardly. As for Agnes, she leaned forward across the desk, fixing both of them with an intense stare. "Is it true the two of you have secretly become lovers?"

"Whaaaat?!" Kotetsu exclaimed. "Where did - I mean, no, it's, well, uh,"

"Kotetsu." Barnaby placed his hand over Kotetsu's, where it had gripped the arm of his chair. "Not entirely true," he addressed Agnes calmly, "because it wasn't our intention to keep it a secret. We don't have the need to display our affection publically at every opportunity - but yes, we are involved."

Agnes leaned back, regarding the two of them with a critical eye. "Do you have any idea how many repercussions this could have?"

"I've got some idea," Kotetsu muttered.

"So many angles to consider... Humans are only beginning to accept NEXT to begin with - homosexuality is still a somewhat controversial subject too," she pointed out, as Kotetsu rested his free hand over his face in exasperation. "You could do damage to both your fanbases, especially Barnaby's. He does very well with the young female demographic, and if they can't see him as a romantic prospect any longer..."

Barnaby's hand tightened on Kotetsu's, and the other nudged his glasses up, which Kotetsu recognized as not a good sign. "Excuse us for choosing a partner on the basis of mutual feelings, rather than thinking about the ratings," he said, with a toss of his hair and a smile both pleasant and _chilling_.

"Quiet - I'm not through yet," she told him with a frown, still looking them over thoughtfully. "On the other hand, this could be a great opportunity to show HeroTV as a truly progressive endeavor across the board. In fact, our ratings might improve with endorsements by gay and lesbian rights groups."

"You've gotta be kidding," Kotetsu groaned. Fake relationship or not, the whole thing was stupid. "We're not doing this for some kind of ratings stunt, either."

"Cause and effect, gentlemen," Agnes stated. "There are many ways we could play this. If we go public-"

"'We'?" Kotetsu asked in disbelief, as his soul seemed to shrivel up and die a little. If they had to do a press release, if they were expected to act like a couple in front of the cameras... "What Barnaby and I do with our private lives is our private business! The public's not involved - and neither are you!"

"Precisely," Barnaby agreed. "Ms. Joubert - I understand that ratings are very important to you, but in this case, it has nothing to do with the show."

"It has to do with the two of you and your partnership, and right now, that's one of the most popular storylines for the show," she told them. "I will concede that you do have a right to privacy, but if you're willing, we could spin this into something truly incredible. There could be a special, maybe a mini-series, showing the two of you going about your domestic lives together - it would be a wonderful follow-up to the footage from when you first became partners," she added, in a burst of pleased inspiration.

"Our domest... Look, we don't live together or anything," Kotetsu protested. "It's not like we've gotten married or something - we're still trying to figure out how this is going to work." Or rather, how it wasn't going to work. "The last thing we want is cameras stuck in our faces all the time, especially while we're still getting used to it."

"I agree - you're getting ahead of yourself," said Barnaby. "Just like the relationship between Kotetsu and I developed organically, I'd prefer to let any 'storyline' come about naturally, rather than forcing it. Besides, as you mentioned, my female fans might feel betrayed."

"And mine," Kotetsu added.

"Actually, Tiger, your fanbase is primarily older men," Agnes clarified.

"...Right."

"Some of whom might have old-fashioned ideas about love and sex," she pondered thoughtfully. "I suppose it _is_ best to wait and consider the options. After all, we can always make the big reveal later, at a more advantageous time."

"As long as we get to choose that time," Barnaby said firmly. He had a point; Kotetsu wouldn't have put it past Agnes to decide to make an announcement some week just because the ratings were slumping a little.

"Or when you accidentally reveal it. We've had affairs between heroes before, you realize," Agnes noted, "and it was simple to keep it quiet because no one knew their faces. Everyone in Sternbild knows your face, so if you're seen kissing or holding hands with _anyone_ in public..."

"I had considered that," Barnaby assured her. ...Which was a good thing, because Kotetsu hadn't.

"I'll keep your secret for now," Agnes told them. "On one condition."

"Yeah?" Kotetsu asked.

"If you two last long enough..." Her eyes blazed again. "We're doing a special on your wedding."

"Oh for the love of..." Kotetsu groaned.

Barnaby, on the other hand, nodded thoughtfully. "That's fair. Kotetsu, we _are_ celebrities," he pointed out, "and we do owe HeroTV for helping us find each other."

"Sure, fine, whatever..." Wasn't like it was going to happen anyway. "But there will be _no_ honeymoon footage," he added, because if it _had_ been a possibility, he would have made sure that was clear. "Just the two of us, no camera crews."

"As long as you provide photos," Agnes countered.

"PG or lower rating only," Kotetsu told her firmly.

She smiled. "Deal."

...What had he just done? Thank goodness there was never any chance of a wedding or a honeymoon anyway.

"You should really just let me handle Agnes," said Barnaby as they headed back towards the heroes' training area and locker rooms. Even though his voice was mild, Kotetsu knew he was being scolded. "You're terrible at dealing with the management."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah..." They'd had this conversation before. "Sorry about that - just this time she was even more out of line than usual. Like we should have to negotiate relationships through her," he muttered. "I'm pretty sure that's not in the contract I signed."

"It wouldn't have had to be, since no one knows your identity," Barnaby pointed out. "Your life as a hero and your life as a civilian are completely separate. That's not the case for me - I have to be discreet." He sighed faintly. "In a way, this is my fault."

"Bunny..." Kotetsu shook his head. "It's no big deal."

"It's still my fault. I had my reasons for becoming a hero the way I did, but now that Jake is dead, I'm still stuck with the consequences."

He didn't sound unhappy, particularly. Still, he'd come a long way; a few months ago, Barnaby would never have taken the blame on himself. Every now and then, Kotetsu found himself pleased by how much Barnaby had grown up since then, learning to be a good partner in his own right. "Do you regret it?" he asked.

"No." The answer was immediate.

"Then it's fine," Kotetsu reasoned. "You did what you had to do - don't worry about it."

Barnaby gave him a little smile, and slipped his hand into Kotetsu's. "Thanks. ...And you know, unproductive as it was, it was nice in a way to see you get fired up over our relationship. It seems like you usually let me take the lead."

"Uh, well..." So he'd noticed that much, at least. "It's brand new to you. I figure it's only fair to let you feel your way through it." To the other side, hopefully.

"I do appreciate that." Barnaby paused for a moment. "With that in mind, can I invite you to dinner tonight? At my place - I have something I'd been meaning to show you, but we hardly ever end up at my apartment."

"Oh?" Kotetsu was curious enough to not be _too_ wary. "Well, sure... didn't have anything else planned."

"Great." They'd reached the doors leading into the training area, and Barnaby stopped, turning to Kotetsu. "How late were you planning on staying today?"

"Not a lot on the agenda, actually," Kotetsu observed. "Just here to check out my notifications, get a workout in..."

"Likewise - I might not even have come in at all if I hadn't gotten that notification from Agnes. That gives me plenty of time to get ready, then," Barnaby said with a smile. "Pick you up at seven?"

"Nah, it's okay - I can just drive myself," said Kotetsu. "One less time for you to worry about being seen in public with someone. But seven's fine."

Barnaby nodded. "Seven it is, then," he agreed, and leaned in to give Kotetsu a quick kiss before releasing his hand. "In the meantime, you'd mentioned getting in a workout..."

At least Barnaby mostly acted like a normal partner when they were training. More friendly than he used to be, obviously, but there was no holding hands or kissing while they were on the weight machines or treadmills. And that, Kotetsu was just fine with - he even enjoyed it.

Once he'd headed home for the afternoon, though, he found himself dreading that dinner date a little bit. One reason they spent more time at his place than Barnaby's was because... well, Barnaby's place didn't have anything for two people to do. It was equipped for exactly one person - one specific person, who until recently hadn't had a lot of interests besides criminal investigation. When they'd stopped by for a drink, in fact, they wound up just standing around in his kitchen or sitting on the floor, since there wasn't much in the way of furnishings.

It was just... what else were they going to do there? Kotetsu thought about it while getting ready to head out. Maybe it had something to do with whatever Barnaby had gotten that he wanted to show Kotetsu. That could have been just about anything... Maybe an old car. Barnaby did like sports cars, and that could have been why he offered to pick Kotetsu up. And after all, Kotetsu had told Barnaby about his brother's old van, how he'd been fixing it up since before Kotetsu moved to the city, and sometimes Kotetsu helped out. Restoring an old sports car with Barnaby could be an interesting way to spend time together. Or maybe it was something fun, like a pinball machine or some kind of video game console - Kotetsu had remarked once on how awesome it would be to play games on that giant screen Barnaby had in his living room. Of course at the time, Barnaby had rolled his eyes...

Kotetsu supposed he'd find out when he found out, and it wouldn't be long before he found out. Barnaby hadn't suggested he should dress up or anything, and might want to show him _anything_ , so Kotetsu just switched out his usual clothes for a different pair of slacks and button-down shirt, sleeves rolled up, tee underneath just in case Barnaby _was_ going to show him something like an old car that needed them to get elbows-deep under the hood.

Nothing new in the lot that Kotetsu could see, so he headed in to ring Barnaby's doorbell. Barnaby answered, wearing pretty much his standard - tight tee and tight pants - so Kotetsu guessed he'd dressed appropriately. "Come on in," Barnaby invited him. "Dinner's just about ready - make yourself at home."

"Heh, sure." As Barnaby retreated to the kitchen, Kotetsu wandered over towards the chair in the center of the room; Barnaby had left a bottle and two glasses on the table there, so Kotetsu went ahead and helped himself to a glass of red wine.

Barnaby appeared at the door to the kitchen just after Kotetsu had settled down and taken a sip. "Notice anything different?"

"Like the fact I don't have to nag you to let me drink your booze anymore?" Kotetsu teased.

"You're unusually unobservant, even for you," Barnaby remarked, stepping out into the living room. "You didn't even look around, did you?"

"If I didn't, how'd I find the wine?" But that had been in a pretty obvious focal point, seeing as it was the only furniture in the room; Kotetsu hadn't looked anywhere else because he already knew there was nothing else to look at. Now that Barnaby had clued him in, though, he took a quick glance around. Giant screen that took up one wall, huge window with amazing view of the city, that big painting of a flower... "...Oh. Oh!" he exclaimed, spotting the new addition - a sofa against the wall, and an end table to either side, naturally coordinated. All were dark and plain enough to be unobtrusive even with the lack of much other decor, but the sofa's fabric looked soft and nicely upholstered, and there were a couple of throw pillows, which looked like they'd color-coordinated with the flower painting.

"Like it?" Barnaby asked.

"I dunno, I'll have to sit on it first," Kotetsu said cheerfully, getting up from the chair to do so.

"That's what it's there for," Barnaby said, following him over. "Actually... it occurred to me that I'm not used to having people over often. I didn't have anywhere for someone else to sit, let alone somewhere where two people could sit together."

He'd inspired Barnaby to actually change his space to be comfortable for more than just him? That was flattering... and a little overwhelming. "I bet this thing could seat four, at least," Kotetsu noted, sitting down in the middle, then scooting towards one end.

"At the moment, I don't anticipate needing to seat more than two." Barnaby reached in and took the wineglass from Kotetsu's hand as he was about to set it down on the nearest end table. "Coaster," he admonished Kotetsu, taking one from the stack in one corner.

"Right, I bet these weren't cheap."

"I know they're unlikely to stay spotless, especially with you around," said Barnaby, placing the glass and coaster near Kotetsu, "but I prefer nice things, and I'd prefer to have them looking nice as long as possible."

In that case, possibly Kotetsu should quit bouncing on the sofa cushions a little as he had been doing. He leaned back, checking it out in a more sedate way. "...Feels good."

"I'm glad you like it," Barnaby said, sitting down beside him. "Maybe now I can invite you over more often, instead of defaulting to your place."

"Yeah, you're right." The whole thing was flattering, yes, but then there was still the question of what they had to actually _do_ there. Kotetsu took another sip of his wine (carefully placing it back on the coaster afterwards) to cover his sudden uneasiness. That feeling of uneasiness grew stronger when he glanced over at Barnaby and found Barnaby regarding him seriously. "...Something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong," Barnaby replied. "It's just... I didn't realize for a long time how good it felt to make someone else happy. Or maybe it's just that I like to make _you_ happy."

Kotetsu smiled - he kind of had to. "The feeling's mutual - I like to make you happy too." And maybe Barnaby would learn soon enough that that didn't mean they were in love.

It obviously hadn't happened yet, because Barnaby leaned in to kiss him. Kotetsu obliged, offering a quick kiss back - but Barnaby seemed to have something else in mind. After the usual, casual sort of kiss they tended to exchange after the day was through, Barnaby kissed him again, longer and lingering. ...Well, what was Kotetsu supposed to do except follow suit?

But Barnaby _kept_ kissing him, placing a hand behind Kotetsu's head, and Kotetsu still didn't know what else to do except let it happen. Feel the way Barnaby's lips moved against his, remember how it used to be to kiss someone, and try to recreate that. Kissing Barnaby wasn't much like kissing a woman, but the basic principle was the same, and it felt close enough that if Kotetsu just turned off his mind a little, it was not only tolerable, but... sort of enjoyable. He sighed into the kiss, as much contentment this time as regret.

"You made me happy earlier today," Barnaby murmured, drawing back a little to look at him, cupping Kotetsu's cheek in his hand.

His eyes were sincere and... strangely bright. Kotetsu wondered if they'd always been that green and he just hadn't noticed, or it was the lighting. "Mm?" he mumbled back. "The thing with Agnes? Wasn't anything big - you know I always get pissed off when they try to dump a bunch of responsibilities on us that don't have anything to do with our job."

"Specifically, what made me happy was your bringing up our honeymoon," Barnaby told him. "And implying it was going to be rated higher than PG."

...That sounded ominous to Kotetsu. "Heh, aren't they usually?"

"Yes, and you've never actually expressed interest in me that way," said Barnaby. "It was good to hear you say it could actually happen someday."

"Well... yeah..." Kotetsu wasn't sure what he was supposed to say about that. They'd been talking about a marriage that was never going to happen. That sort of meant that the resulting honeymoon wasn't going to happen either, but he couldn't exactly say so.

"I know you didn't want to take things too fast, and you were right to say so. Like you said earlier, this was all new to me - completely different from the kinds of hook-ups I had in the past. But we've been together a couple of months now..." Kotetsu's heart seemed to freeze as Barnaby shifted, moving to climb onto his lap. "I think I understand why you said we should wait, and I've only become more certain. I love you, Kotetsu... and I'm ready to accept what it means now."

"...Bunny..." Barnaby was kneeling over him, straddling his right leg, and the lighting in the center of the room left his blonde hair backlit like a halo. Kotetsu swallowed hard. "Are you... Are you sure? I mean..."

"I want you," Barnaby told him earnestly, taking Kotetsu's face between his hands. "I've wanted you since before I knew I loved you. Now that I know... I don't see why we should wait anymore."

And then Barnaby was taking a deep breath, and before Kotetsu could try to formulate some kind of protest that wouldn't ruin everything, Barnaby was kissing him again. Barnaby was kissing him with _intent._ And although Kotetsu had instinctively frozen up at first, being kissed the way Barnaby was kissing him was intoxicating. Even though he knew it was a bad idea, he couldn't help kissing back, reaching up to steady Barnaby, holding onto Barnaby when Barnaby moved in closer, wrapping his arms around Kotetsu and pulling them down sideways onto the couch.

It wasn't until he realized that he was _responding_ to that kiss that Kotetsu realized what a very bad idea it was. Startled by his own body's unexpected reaction to Barnaby grinding against his hip, Kotetsu panicked, grabbing Barnaby by the shoulders and pushing him away. Not so hard Barnaby fell on the floor... but the expression on Barnaby's face was so shocked and irritated that he might as well have. "What was _that_ for?" Barnaby asked, reaching up to straighten his glasses as Kotetsu scrambled to sit upright again.

"Ah, uhm..." Kotetsu had figured that someday he'd need to come up with an excuse, just in case Barnaby decided to push them in this direction, and he'd even come up with something. Unfortunately, half of it had fled from his mind with the realization that the part of it that _hadn't_ been true... apparently was. He did want Barnaby. Or at least, his body thought he did.

Fortunately, most of his excuse was at least partially based in truth. "It's... Bunny, I've got some issues," he began, as Barnaby pushed himself up too, to regard Kotetsu with a look that could have been anger. It looked more wounded to Kotetsu. "It's not about you. I swear it's not. It's just... been a really long time..."

"I thought it must have been. Which is why I thought you'd be as eager as I am."

That might have been an explanation for how he'd gotten turned on by the whole thing. Now that Barnaby wasn't rubbing against him, though, it was starting to subside, and he could think more clearly. "Look, Bunny..." he started again. "I was married once. And if she hadn't been taken from me... I'd still be married now. Everything was going smoothly, we loved each other, we had a kid to raise and were thinking about having another - then she got sick. It... It ruined something that was supposed to last the rest of my life."

Barnaby was still breathing heavily, but as Kotetsu spoke, his expression softened into sympathy, touched with concern. To his credit, he chose to say nothing, but just let Kotetsu explain.

"...When I got married, that meant it was supposed to be her. Just her. Only her, forever. And I loved her so much... _so much_ , Bunny." Thanks to his 'excuse' being mostly truth, Kotetsu found his eyes getting a little wet, his voice lowering. "That was fine with me, the idea of her and me, forever. And it didn't stop just because she died. Right afterwards..." He shook his head. "I guess everyone in that situation probably does the same thing, they swear they'll never love anyone else. But time passes, and you start to realize that maybe you don't have to be alone. Maybe there can be someone else." It was true, though it hadn't been Barnaby who made him think so. "But even so, even when you're thinking of moving on - or maybe it's just me, I dunno. ...It's still with me, this feeling like I'm... betraying her. I know I'm not," he added quickly, as Barnaby opened his mouth. "I know. But it's not easy to shake. At least for me." Kotetsu looked away, and tried to swallow the lump in his throat. He wasn't supposed to be getting all upset about this explanation - but then again, he'd never actually talked to anyone about it before, either. "Maybe it _is_ just me..."

There was an uncomfortable silence, broken only by Barnaby shifting beside him on the sofa. Kotetsu kept his face turned away. A few seconds later, he felt arms surround him, Barnaby's head leaning on his shoulder. "Kotetsu..." Barnaby murmured. "I... I don't know what I can say."

"You don't have to say anything." The embrace, though, was warm and comforting and welcome at the moment. As was the assurance that he hadn't pissed Barnaby off. He rested a hand over one of Barnaby's, grateful.

"I don't know much about love at all," Barnaby admitted. "But what I do know, is that if you need time, I'll give you time. And if you need space, you'll get space. As much as I want you, it's not so much that I'd want to cause you any regrets, or do something that would hurt you."

Well then, maybe his excuse had paid off, Kotetsu thought. Unfortunately, the truth behind it made him feel a lot less relieved than he'd thought he'd feel. "Thanks," he murmured, closing his eyes. "For understanding."

"You're welcome."

They stayed like that for awhile, Kotetsu willing to take advantage of at least this one small thing, the understanding and comfort Barnaby was offering. After all, he'd have offered the same if a friend had confessed something like that to him. It didn't have to mean anything at all.

And eventually, when Barnaby asked if he still wanted dinner or if they should call it off, Kotetsu felt better enough to suggest they go ahead and eat. No sense in letting Barnaby's work to to waste.


	3. Chapter 3

Kotetsu had to admit he was a little confused. Only a little confused, though, and not for very long after he dared to let himself think about it.

It wasn't like he'd never been the least bit attracted to a guy before. The last time he'd seriously thought about it was when he was a teenager, though, and he'd figured it had pretty much just been that he was a confused teenager. Because he'd been attracted to girls too, and then Tomoe came along and proved that it was a girl who could hold his attention. She hadn't made him go blind, of course. He could still pick out a pretty girl and enjoy looking at her - and thinking back, there were times he'd found himself admiring another guy, here and there. Checking out the back muscles of one of his fellow heroes as they peeled out of their underarmor, noticing at some formal event or another that someone looked pretty damn good in a suit, that kind of thing. He'd thought it was just competitiveness, wishing he looked that good, but maybe not.

So maybe he wasn't completely straight. That didn't come as a huge surprise, given some of the fooling around he'd done in high school, and it didn't bother him. So he could be turned on by a guy. Big deal.

The bigger problem was that apparently he could be turned on by Barnaby. That was definitely a problem.

The way Kotetsu saw it, his main issue was that he hadn't slept with anyone for about six years. His hand could only do him so much good. Anybody showing him that much affection, offering themselves and touching him that way, probably would have had the same effect. He probably just needed to get laid. Unfortunately, he knew well how much better it was to make love rather than just fuck - that would be _why_ he hadn't slept with anyone for six years. It looked like his body wasn't exactly happy with him for that policy, though.

So the thing to do, under ordinary circumstances, he thought - the thing a sensible, pragmatic sort of guy would do - would be to ignore what his heart had been telling him since Tomoe's death, and just go hook up with someone who wasn't looking for anything more than a one night stand so he could get his rocks off, no strings attached. He had had women approach him before, and even gone on some dates before he realized it felt all wrong, so it shouldn't be that hard. Strategically, anyway - emotionally was another matter, but he'd have to cross that bridge when he came to it.

These weren't ordinary circumstances, however. Not when he was stuck in this pointless fake relationship with Barnaby. Not that Barnaby needed to know if he had some little one-night stand, and even if the public had known that Barnaby and Wild Tiger were supposed to be partners in more than just the hero business, no one would have a problem with Kotetsu T. Kaburagi cruising the bars. But if Barnaby _did_ find out, that would be a terrible way for the relationship to end. Kotetsu didn't want Barnaby's first romance to end with betrayal - he'd had enough misery in his life.

The real irony was that he _had_ someone right there who was willing to sleep with him, and he couldn't. There was no possible way that he could. Barnaby thought they were in love, and Kotetsu knew better, and when it inevitably ended, it would make their working relationship really awkward. Maybe worse than awkward, if Barnaby found out Kotetsu had never loved him all along and still slept with him. Even if he didn't find out, _Kotetsu_ would know he'd been using Barnaby, taking advantage of his feelings, and he wouldn't be able to handle that kind of guilt.

So instead, he just ignored his body's needs. And now that he was so aware of them, having to do so for Barnaby's sake meant that he was getting just a little grouchy.

Maybe that was what they needed - a catalyst to speed up the process. Kotetsu let himself be irritable, and irritating. He knew plenty of things that annoyed Barnaby, because for the first months of their partnership, Barnaby spent a lot of time pointing them out.

At lunch, he slurped his drinks loudly. When they were supposed to be making an appearance somewhere, he showed up late. He whistled in the car when they were driving, he tossed his trash in the direction of the basket and didn't bother picking it up when he missed, he knocked things over clumsily, he propped his feet up on furniture, and even the dashboard of Barnaby's car.

After a couple weeks of this, Kotetsu thought he'd gotten the result he wanted; after he'd entered the studio and not bothered to hold the door, letting it slam behind him practically in Barnaby's face, Barnaby grabbed his arm and without a word, pulled him aside into the restroom.

Kotetsu glanced around warily. They seemed to be alone, and Barnaby looked pissed. "...What?" Kotetsu asked, sullen.

Barnaby's stare was enough to pin a lesser man to the wall. "What are you doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know why, but you're intentionally trying to annoy me," Barnaby stated. "All the things that I told you were obnoxious, you mostly stopped doing - and now you're doing them again."

"Huh, was I?" Kotetsu scratched his head absently, mostly because he knew it would irritate Barnaby more.

Behind Barnaby's annoyance, though, was something else. Kotetsu saw it when he hesitated, that firm expression wavering. "You're trying to drive me away, aren't you?"

"Wh-what?" Never mind that it was exactly what Kotetsu was trying to do, he hadn't expected Barnaby to figure it out. He was going for hopeless, not hostile. "Why would you think that?" he said with a nervous chuckle. "You know me, I'm just a really annoying guy..."

"No you're not." Tomoe had always told Kotetsu he was a terrible liar, and it was obvious that Barnaby could see right through it too, from the hurt look in his eyes. "I don't know why you're doing this... If you want to break up with me, you could have just said so instead of being rude."

"No, that's not it!" Kotetsu had to try again - that wasn't how he wanted Barnaby to think of him. "I didn't mean to be rude, I'm just naturally sorta-"

"Stop lying to me!"

The furious outburst left Kotetsu cringing back against the bathroom mirror. This wasn't the result he had been hoping for; this was the last thing he wanted, seeing Barnaby hurt and angry again. "Bunny, I'm sorry," he said finally. "I wasn't trying to lie to you... I swear I wasn't. I just didn't want to hurt you. I wanted everything to go back to how it was..."

One benefit to being a terrible liar, perhaps, was that it was easy enough to see when he was telling the truth. Barnaby seemed to calm down, but he was still standing there, staring at Kotetsu miserably, that look in his eyes pinning Kotetsu to his place between the sinks. "I'm sorry, Bunny," Kotetsu said again when Barnaby said nothing. Not that he thought it would help anything. Any second now, Barnaby would storm out, and they'd be back to sniping at each other all the time again. Barnaby would be alone - maybe not on the job, but in the rest of his life, without anyone to turn to when things got rough.

Finally, Barnaby spoke, more calmly and evenly than Kotetsu expected. "I think I get it."

"....You do?" Kotetsu wasn't sure if he hoped he did, or hoped he didn't.

Barnaby nodded. "It's obvious you really _weren't_ trying to hurt me." He scoffed quietly, shaking his head in disgust. "Just look at you. You were only trying to annoy me enough that I'd hurt you first, because you'd rather hurt yourself than hurt me."

Kotetsu wasn't sure whether he should confirm or deny, so he said nothing, just waiting.

"You think you're going to hurt me," Barnaby murmured. "And you don't want to..."

Kotetsu finally dared to nod. Barnaby sighed, pressing his hand against his head as if it hurt. "Kotetsu... stop this. You're not hurting me. Sure, I'm a little frustrated, but it's all right."

"...What's all right?" Kotetsu had no idea what he was talking about now.

"We talked about it," said Barnaby. "I know you have issues with intimacy. And you're not the only one - I... don't know what I'm doing at all," he admitted, squeezing his eyes closed in frustration. "I've been trying to act the way I thought lovers should act, and maybe I overdid it. But it's really, truly okay," he told Kotetsu, looking up at him again. "We don't need to rush anything. I just realized, I really _will_ wait as long as it takes. Isn't that what they say, that true love waits? I always thought that was just a line... but I understand it now."

So Barnaby thought this was about the sex issue? Great. Just great. "What if... what if I'm never ready?" Kotetsu ventured. Since that was a pretty likely outcome.

"Then it doesn't matter," Barnaby stated firmly. "I... I love you, Kotetsu. I've been alone for a long time, and I don't want to be alone again. Even if being together isn't perfect, it's better than being alone."

...Why did he have to be so exasperatingly tolerant _now_ , when he'd been so _in_ tolerant when they'd first met? "You wouldn't have to be alone," Kotetsu reasoned. "You could find someone who would treat you better than I can."

"I don't _want_ anyone but you," Barnaby murmured, stepping closer. "So just... stop worrying."

There was no escape for Kotetsu, trapped against the mirror, between two sinks. Trapped in a fake relationship. He sighed, hanging his head - and then Barnaby's arms were around him, leaning against him and holding him close. Trying to reassure him, when he'd been trying to annoy Barnaby. When he'd hurt Barnaby enough to make him shout. Kotetsu had never expected Barnaby to be capable of this kind of patience.

"It's okay," Barnaby whispered in his ear. "It's okay, Kotetsu."

... _Damn it._ Stupid Barnaby, trying to comfort _him_ when _he_ was the one feeling lousy - Kotetsu gave in and lifted his own arms to hug Barnaby back, offering his own support. "Y'know," he murmured, "you're a better man than I thought you were, back when we met."

Barnaby laughed softly against his neck. "I certainly hope so."

"Well, yeah..." Since they'd sort of hated each other.

"Anyway, likewise," Barnaby murmured, squeezing him tighter.

Helpless as Kotetsu felt about their situation now that Barnaby had gone and made a declaration like that, he couldn't object to anything Barnaby was doing at the moment. He just leaned back against the mirror, holding Barnaby and letting himself be held. Until they heard the click of the door opening, and the sounds of the studio outside got abruptly louder.

"Oh, my!" They both looked up, startled, to see Nathan regarding them with surprise from within his mane of pink feathers. Nathan recovered, though, waving a hand dismissively. "I knew I should have used the ladies' room. Don't you two sweethearts mind me, carry on!" he directed them, turning to leave without a second look.

Kotetsu covered his face with his hand, exasperated. Barnaby, on the other hand, after a moment of shocked silence, suddenly began to laugh.

Barnaby's laughter was such a surprise that Kotetsu found himself laughing too a few seconds later - probably more from the tension than genuine amusement, in both cases, but they were laughing. Uncontrollably. Still holding each other, propped up against the wall, and laughing their heads off. And that, Kotetsu thought, wasn't bad at all.

\---

It seemed Kotetsu just couldn't stay mad at Barnaby. The things frustrating Kotetsu at the moment weren't Barnaby's fault anyway - it was Kotetsu's own thoughtlessness that had gotten him into this mess. He could have just told the truth, that having attracted the interest of someone like Barnaby had been really surprising and flattering, and it made him happy to know Barnaby thought that much of him, but he didn't feel the same way. He could have said it, and he didn't.

And most of the time, he didn't think he'd have chosen differently if he had to do it over. Barnaby was so much happier now than he had been, and he made it clear that it wasn't _all_ due to having finally confronted his parents' murderer. He'd been directionless afterwards, he'd said once in a quiet moment, sitting together on the couch at his apartment, drinking and talking. He'd been drifting aimlessly on a vast ocean with no land in sight and no anchor. Kotetsu was sure he wasn't reliable enough to be an anchor, but he made a pretty good sail. The analogy was stupid enough, and they were both drunk enough, that it made them laugh - but it was true, Barnaby admitted. Even if where Kotetsu wanted to take him wasn't somewhere he was sure he wanted to go, at least he was going somewhere.

Moments like that made the frustrations worth it. So did the wordless exchanges between them when they were working together to capture a criminal; they spent so much time together, and knew each other so well, a glance was all they needed. A glance, and a secret little smile, just between the two of them, and then they were off. Their teamwork was enough to take any fugitive down - anyone except Lunatic, who was just clever enough to slip away every time. Still, they'd prevented him from dispensing any more of his unauthorized "justice", and the two of them were racking up points left and right. If they had been a single hero rather than a duo, they would have broken all the records by now, but only one of them could claim credit for a rescue or arrest. Usually Kotetsu went ahead and let Barnaby have at it while he provided backup - Barnaby really _was_ going to set some records if he kept going at his current pace, and Kotetsu didn't want to get in his way.

Even with all that, and Barnaby predictably landing at the top of the rankings, Kotetsu still came in with a higher score and ranking at the end of the season than he had in the last five years. This year, the media actually _wanted_ to talk to him about his performance, and not _only_ because he was standing right next to the newly crowned King of Heroes. When they asked him, with confetti and streamers still flying everywhere and sticking in the crevices of his power suit, what was responsible for his comeback this season, he told them the absolute truth.

"This guy right here," he said cheerfully, hooking a thumb towards Barnaby. "He keeps me on track, he balances out my faults with his strengths. When it's the two of us, it's like one plus one doesn't equal two anymore - we're at least _three_ times as good as me alone. Maybe four or five!"

"And I feel the same way about Wild Tiger," Barnaby agreed, giving the cameras a more authentic smile than they usually got. He'd taken off his helmet, just because he could, and brightly colored bits of paper clung to every curl in his hair. "I would never have wound up in this position if not for his experience and expertise. He taught me that being a hero is about more than scoring points. The scoring points just followed naturally."

"That only happens if you have skills too," Kotetsu pointed out. "Otherwise it wouldn't have been five years since I had this kind of showing."

"You have plenty of skills - you were just in a slump," Barnaby suggested. "You obviously know more about being a hero than I do."

"No, you're just a natural," Kotetsu argued. "You're good at all the hero stuff, not just parts of it like me."

"You're good at all of it too," Barnaby protested. "In fact, you're _too_ good at some of it. Your only problem was that you needed to be reined in a little."

"What, are you kidding?"

Eventually their debate was interrupted by the need to finish the closing ceremonies before they ran over into the rest of the night's programming, and though there were plenty of reporters wanting soundbites on the way out, Kotetsu and Barnaby and the rest of the heroes managed to get back to change out of their hero garb for the afterparty. Kotetsu hadn't bothered the year before, too depressed about his recent decline and fully remembering how lonely an experience it had been the year before, when his showing had been almost as bad. This year, things were going to be different. Rushed as they were, Barnaby did spare the time to flash him a brilliant smile when he hurried into the locker room, having been held back a little longer by the throng of reporters, before Kotetsu was ushered off to the waiting limos.

Sure enough, it was an entirely new experience now that Kotetsu was seen as one of the real contenders again. People wanted to talk to him, and shake his hand, and ask him questions, and have him and Barnaby say a few words... Kotetsu kept his eye on Antonio, who'd somehow wound up at the bottom this year, because Antonio had been the only one who'd stuck by him and tried to cheer him up the last time he'd gone to one of these things. Antonio seemed to be taking it better than Kotetsu had, though, and was genuinely happy his friend had had a good year. Kotetsu deserved it, he said, so he should enjoy it while he could - because the next year, Rock Bison was going to come back and beat Wild Tiger again for sure. Yeah, Antonio was doing fine, Kotetsu decided with a laugh, and he was going to take his advice.

Most of the night was spent by Barnaby's side, which was pretty standard nowadays, but this time they were in public. There was no threat of hand-holding or kissing while they were at the party, not if Barnaby hadn't decided it was time to announce their relationship to the world - and Kotetsu was pretty sure he wouldn't do that without asking first. Not even after he and Barnaby had downed several drinks. Barnaby just wasn't the kind of guy to do that sort of thing. Kotetsu had to admit _he_ probably was, especially after several drinks, but not so much in this case. For the night, it was the two of them, being partners. Not lovers, not sweethearts, just partners, and that was exactly how Kotetsu thought it should be. It felt _wonderful_.

Granted, part of that wonderful feeling was probably the realization that he'd overcome the reputation he'd been developing of being old and washed-up. Also part of it was probably the amount of alcohol he'd ingested, because he'd been feeling progressively warmer and fuzzier the later it got. In fact, no one, including Kotetsu, seemed to think too much of it that Barnaby spent a lot of time with his hand on Kotetsu's arm or his arm around Kotetsu's shoulders, and Kotetsu couldn't say he wasn't guilty of some of the same.

That was why they had limos for the older heroes on nights like this, of course - no one had to drive home. When it got to be _really_ late, the younger heroes had already left, and Kotetsu had to admit he was starting to get sleepy too, Barnaby's hand fell (somewhat more heavily than usual) on his shoulder and he suggested they share a limo, go back to his place for a little private celebration to finish off the night. It was probably a sign of just how _little_ Kotetsu needed further celebration that he agreed to it - but so far, everything about the night had been as close to perfect as it could get.

Barnaby had champagne on hand back at his apartment, but he protested the idea of opening it when they'd already been drinking - it was good champagne, and should be drunk when they could really enjoy it - so instead they pulled out a bottle of whiskey Kotetsu had brought over that they hadn't finished yet, pouring it over ice and clinking their glasses together with a disbelieving laugh as they stood there together by the window overlooking the city, feeling unsteady and utterly invincible.

"Guess we know who the man of the year is," Kotetsu chuckled, pointing his finger somewhere in Barnaby's vicinity. "Saved Sternbild from Ouroboros, now officially King of Heroes..."

"Couldn't have done it without you," Barnaby told him, grabbing at his finger and tugging at it, for no obvious reason. "It's all because of you."

"Nah, I just helped out a li-"

"No, I'm serious," Barnaby insisted, grabbing Kotetsu's wrist instead - it was sturdier. Sort of. "Kotetsu... I've never been this happy in my life. I didn't think it was possible for _anyone_ to be this happy, especially me."

His voice was deeper suddenly, more intense, and Kotetsu looked up, trying to focus on him. ...He wasn't sure, but he didn't think he'd seen that look on Barnaby's face before - flushed, amazed, and as he'd said, deliriously happy. And focused on him alone. "Not just the title. ...It's _all_ because of you," Barnaby repeated, in hushed, almost awed tones.

Kotetsu was confused, even if the lopsided grin hadn't quite fallen off his face yet. What was... Oh. Right.

Somehow, in all the completely platonic merriment they'd shared through the evening, he'd managed to forget until Barnaby leaned in to kiss him. "I love you, Kotetsu," he murmured between kisses. "I love you so much..."

Kotetsu's happiness seemed to seep away with each murmured word, every brush of Barnaby's lips, each outward sign of Barnaby's happiness. Based on a lie - a lie he couldn't afford to confess to now. Even if he could, he wouldn't have, not when Barnaby had just told him it was the happiest night of his life. Kotetsu wasn't going to ruin it for him, even if it did make him feel like the biggest asshole the world had ever seen.

"You've done so much for me," Barnaby whispered breathlessly, putting both arms around Kotetsu and leaning into him. There was another clink, glass on glass, when Kotetsu's drink knocked against the window as he tried to keep his balance, stumbling to the side. "You have no idea how much... wish I could show you..." Another clink, a muffled thud, but it seemed very far away when Barnaby was pressed up against him, murmuring things like that, kissing him. Kotetsu squeezed his eyes closed; he wasn't going to ruin Barnaby's night by telling him no, but how much worse would he feel if he said yes? Or how much better, maybe, because it had been so long, and Barnaby was so warm and firm and inviting... But he couldn't. He absolutely couldn't.

But he wanted to.

Kotetsu didn't know what to do, and then the next thing he knew, they were somehow on the floor, and Barnaby was fumbling awkwardly with the buttons on Kotetsu's jacket. Kotetsu's leg was bent at an awkward angle, and his right hand was in something cold and wet - he wasn't sure if that was his glass or Barnaby's that had spilled beside them, neither of them had a drink in their hands anymore - but he deserved to be uncomfortable. He deserved to be miserable, because he'd put himself in this situation where no matter what he did, he was going to hurt Barnaby. He deserved to be hurt too.

And if both of them were going to hurt later, he couldn't help but think, then did it matter if they did something that felt good now...? Because Barnaby was straddling his lap, kissing his eyes and his temples, whispering his name over and over. He hadn't wanted anyone so badly since...

That was what decided him - he couldn't do this. "Stop," he murmured, reaching up and trying to take Barnaby by the shoulders. "Please, Bunny," he tried again, when Barnaby didn't. "Please... stop it. Just stop it." He found Barnaby's arms, and held them back. "Stop..."

At last Barnaby stilled, leaning back. "Kotetsu..." he breathed, then more concerned, "What is it?"

Kotetsu's head was down, his eyes averted. How was he supposed to explain? He opened his mouth, trying to begin, and nothing came out.

"Kotetsu... are you all right?" Barnaby climbed off him finally, kneeling at his side where he slumped against the window. "Kotetsu... Kotetsu... what's wrong? ...Are you sick?"

...He was about to cry, which might have been even worse. Kotetsu was so tired of lying, so tired of wanting things he couldn't have and wanting things he _could_ have but didn't dare, so frustrated at the way everything good that was happening in his life led back to the mistakes he'd made. He couldn't escape them, because everywhere he turned, every direction he looked, there was Barnaby, loving him and trusting him. Completely innocent, not knowing. Not her.

"Kotetsu...?"

Kotetsu covered his face with his hands. Even the thought of Barnaby looking at him hurt. "Sorry," he mumbled. "'M sorry..." It was the only thing he could think of to say. There had to be something better, some kind of excuse or explanation, but he was tired of excuses, and he was exhausted and drunk and upset and confused and dammit - why couldn't Tomoe be here to see him make his comeback, to help him find his way to their bed and make him forget everything but love and happiness?

...Why couldn't he have been in love with Barnaby, and given him that, when Barnaby was trying to give him the same? "Sorry," he mumbled again.

"Sorry for..." Barnaby's voice, already sounding lost, trailed off hopelessly behind the sound of Kotetsu's heavy, anxious breaths. Finally he sighed. "Kotetsu... you've had a lot to drink..."

"No shit," Kotetsu grumbled. Like he didn't know that - knowing it didn't change anything. And Barnaby was at least as drunk as he was, and he was trying to pretend he could help? "Leave me alone," Kotetsu groaned.

"Maybe you should just get some sleep," Barnaby suggested, putting an arm around Kotetsu's shoulders, which made him flinch. "Yeah... c'mon, time for bed."

"I should go home..."

"I could call you a cab," Barnaby acknowledged. "But I'd rather you stayed here. Kotetsu, I don't know what's wrong..."

"You couldn't know." It was supposed to come out as a growl, and instead it sounded more like a whimper.

"...Probably not." Barnaby squeezed him awkwardly. "Kotetsu, will you let me take care of you?"

Kotetsu said nothing, just sunk his head further into his hands. He probably didn't have much choice.

With a little persuasion, and a whole lot of stumbling and catching each other, Barnaby eventually managed to get Kotetsu on his feet, guiding him on a slightly indirect path towards the bedroom, where Kotetsu let himself flop down miserably on the bed. He just didn't care anymore... not even when Barnaby turned him onto his back and started unbuckling his belt.

All Barnaby seemed to be doing, though, was removing it. "...It's about Tomoe again, isn't it?" he asked quietly.

"No... yeah." Kotetsu rubbed at his eyes. "Yes and no."

"I thought so... I'm sorry," Barnaby murmured, pausing to take Kotetsu's hand. "Got carried away..."

Kotetsu let his hand just hang there, limp. "Yeah... not your fault..." It wasn't, but he wasn't sure he could have explained if he'd wanted to, which he was pretty sure he didn't.

Barnaby squeezed it anyway. "...She should have been here."

This time, Kotetsu made the effort to nod; at least they were in agreement about something. "She shoulda."

"I know I'm not her," Barnaby said, lifting Kotetsu's legs up onto the bed and sitting down beside them. "...I'll never be her. But... I'm here if you need me, Kotetsu."

Whatever. Kotetsu didn't care. Barnaby could do whatever he wanted. He deserved it, this was his night...

Kotetsu found himself even more confused when the lights turned off, and the sound of footsteps leaving the room left him feeling unexpectedly disappointed.

Because it would've been a bad idea for Bunny to stay, for them to sleep in the same bed. Something could've happened that shouldn't happen. But all the same, Kotetsu was alone, and he didn't want to be alone... he hated being alone. And Barnaby was alone again, just like he'd always been, and Kotetsu hated himself for that too. Turning his face into the pillow to smother the tears that were welling up made it even worse - the pillow smelled like Barnaby's hair. Kotetsu had certainly spent enough time in close proximity to know.

With an unhappy groan, Kotetsu rolled over, wadding the pillow up against his chest and hugging it tightly. Maybe it was just because he was drunk that everything seemed so overwhelmingly confusing, but he wasn't sure.

And maybe it was just because he was still drunk, but when he woke up for a moment in the early morning, to find someone curled up beside him in the bed, he wasn't bothered, but grateful. Even though he knew right away it was Barnaby.

\---

In the morning, Kotetsu woke up alone, and that was fine by him. He felt like shit. With a moan, he pulled the blanket over his head and didn't even bother checking his watch; he wasn't getting up no matter what time it was.

While half dozing off, though, it did occur to him to wonder where Barnaby was. Not that it was any of his business, except for the part where Kotetsu was sleeping off a hangover in his bed. And thank goodness he remembered most of last night, enough to know nothing had happened in that bed. Though remembering that much left him guilty and depressed again as well as hungover. All the more reason to go back to sleep, if he could manage that much.

Apparently he could, because what seemed like moments later, he was being woken up by a quiet click near his head. Without thinking, he pulled back the blanket and opened one eye to have a look - and groaned as he closed it again.

"I'm sorry," Barnaby murmured above him. "I was trying not to wake you."

"No, it's okay," Kotetsu told him, rubbing at his face and making himself actually open his eyes enough to look this time. He'd gotten a glimpse moments ago of Barnaby in gym shorts and an undershirt, setting down a glass of water and small bottle on the nightstand. Now that he could at least kind of focus, he could tell even in the dim light filtering through drawn curtains that Barnaby looked about like he felt. "...I've been taking up your bed for too long," he said, starting to sit up.

"I don't mind," Barnaby said, placing a hand on his shoulder to prevent him. "Stay as long as you need - I took the couch." He paused, as if saying that much had exhausted him, and pressed his hand against his head. "I thought you might want a drink and some aspirin whenever you got up."

"Ah... I thought those were for you."

Barnaby shook his head listlessly. "I already had some. ...Anyway, get some more rest," he said, beginning to turn away. "You look like you need it."

Something wasn't right here. Kotetsu reached out, grabbed his hand before Barnaby could get too far away, and tugged him back. "It's your bed," he pointed out with a yawn, and tugged a little harder, making Barnaby sit down. Barnaby didn't protest, but neither did he relax. ...That was what was wrong, Kotetsu thought. Not only did he look hungover, but he looked nervous, his eyes averted. He hadn't looked at Kotetsu directly once, and usually Barnaby couldn't keep his eyes off him. "Bunny..."

Kotetsu wasn't sure why he was suddenly so worried. That kind of change might have been a _good_ thing - maybe the mess he'd made of things the night before had been enough to make Barnaby realize that this relationship really _wasn't_ ever going to work. Somehow the thought didn't ease his mind at all.

"...Kotetsu, I have to apologize," Barnaby said finally, bowing his head further. "I don't... exactly remember everything about last night, or what I said or did, but I remember enough to know I upset you. And I think..." He took a deep breath. "I think I didn't respect your personal boundaries."

Kotetsu frowned. _That_ was what he was nervous about? And here _he'd_ felt like a jerk for not responding the way Barnaby wanted him to... "Don't worry about it," he said, sitting up straighter behind Barnaby and resting his hands on Barnaby's shoulders. They were hunched and tense, and Kotetsu squeezed them a little, rubbing softly. "I was drunk - it's easy to get someone upset when they're drunk. And remember," he added, making his voice lighter, "you used to complain that I didn't seem to have any personal boundaries anyway, so how could you disrespect something I don't have?"

Barnaby's shoulders rose slightly, then relaxed a little under his hands; Kotetsu hoped that was a silent laugh, since that was what he'd been going for. "...You told me you weren't ready," Barnaby murmured. "And I said I understood, and that I would wait. I... tried to force the issue last night, didn't I? And that's what upset you."

Kotetsu sighed. "Bunny..." He squeezed Barnaby's shoulders a little tighter, rubbed a little harder, working his way over to Barnaby's neck, which was just as stiff. "You got drunk, you were excited, you forgot something. It happens. It happens a lot."

"That doesn't make it hurt less," Barnaby stated, in a frustrated, exhausted growl.

"Don't have to tell me," Kotetsu muttered; it was something he knew all too well. He'd made his share of drunken mistakes, plenty before the previous night. After a second, he smiled wistfully; Barnaby was so concerned about him, it was cute. Seeing how bad Barnaby apparently felt about the whole thing made him feel a little better about his part, too. "So we both made some bad decisions last night - it's okay," he assured Barnaby, leaning forward to hug him. "You did some stuff you wouldn't have done if you weren't drunk, and if I hadn't had so much to drink myself, I would've been able to handle it better. It's morning, we've sobered up - I'm not hurt anymore. ...'Cept my head."

Barnaby sighed deeply, resting a hand over Kotetsu's arms, crossed over his waist. "...Afternoon, actually."

"You always have to be so technical," Kotetsu groaned in mock annoyance.

Barnaby slumped a little, leaning back into the hug. "So you're really not upset with me?"

"Upset with you...?" Kotetsu made a little noise of disbelief, resting his head on Barnaby's shoulder. "Of course not - if anything, you should be upset with me, for ruining your big night. I dunno why you're so good to me."

"Because I love you." The answer was quiet, simple, matter-of-fact. "Thank you... Kotetsu."

This time, it didn't feel quite so much like a knife in the heart. Kotetsu just must have been getting used to it. Resigned. Or maybe he was just too exhausted to pile any more misery on either of them at the moment.

So he responded by lying back, still holding onto Barnaby. "Hey!" Barnaby began, startled by being pulled down.

"You let me pass out in your bed - the least I can do is make sure you sleep in it too," Kotetsu told him. And that reminded him... "...You didn't spend the whole night on the couch, did you?"

"Uhm..." Barnaby sounded a little embarrassed. "I got up to use the bathroom... I was so disoriented I came back to bed just out of habit, and didn't even realize you were there until I woke up again. ...Sorry."

"Don't apologize," Kotetsu told him. "Even though things were kind of messed up last night, I got over it. And after that..." It was a stupid thing to admit to, but considering how much honesty Barnaby was giving him, and all the lies Kotetsu had had to tell him in return, he could at least cop to this. "...To be honest, I didn't want to be alone."

Barnaby wriggled a bit, settling back against him more closely. "I didn't know how to be anything other than alone until I met you," he murmured sleepily. "I was afraid earlier... I see now I didn't have to be, but I couldn't remember clearly what I'd done, I thought I could have ruined everything. I realized then that I couldn't go back to being alone. The idea terrified me. ...I think... I understand a little bit now. A little bit of how you must have felt when you lost her."

...He was right. At least that little bit. Kotetsu's solitude before Tomoe hadn't been anywhere near as solitary as Barnaby's, but it was true - since he was a kid, he'd been different, and he'd mostly kept himself at a distance from others, until Tomoe. He couldn't keep himself apart from her. With her, for the first time, he'd really, truly felt like he had someone who'd stick by him not because they were obligated to because they were family, but because she had _chosen_ to. For once, he wasn't alone. Ever since her death, he'd been trying to fill his life with the lives of other people - spending all his free time with friends and coworkers, getting involved in their business in much the same way he'd gotten into Barnaby's, completely ignoring his own business - all because he didn't want to be alone again. Or be reminded that whether he liked it or not, he _was_ alone.

But no one else he'd been filling his own life with had been so willing to _let_ Kotetsu share his life as Barnaby had. Even if the specifics of _how_ and _why_ didn't quite match up, the truth was that thanks to Barnaby, Kotetsu _wasn't_ alone anymore. Whether or not he was lying, the end result barely made any difference; their lives were intertwined now, and it occurred to Kotetsu that he couldn't stand the thought of being without Barnaby any more than Barnaby could stand the thought of being without him.

It dawned on him only then that he'd just had his chance. He could have said that last night was too much, it proved they weren't going to work out, and he could have put a stop to this lie with a minimum of guilt or blame on Barnaby's side. But he hadn't done it. It could have been for Barnaby's sake that he hadn't done it - but it could also have been that he'd do what he had to do to keep from being alone again, even if it meant more lies, and more guilt. The realization troubled him. Kotetsu had never seen himself as so selfish as that.

For now, though, there was no need for lies, and he was tired of feeling horrible. The hangover was making him feel horrible enough. "Neither of us are alone now," he mumbled, snuggling Barnaby tighter. That, at least, was completely true. "Won't be... long as we have each other. So don't worry."

Barnaby sighed gratefully, relaxing against him. "I can't help but worry. It's in my nature to prepare for the worst."

"Look, the worst thing you have to deal with right now is a hangover," Kotetsu mumbled. "Cause I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you."

He heard Barnaby breathe an almost silent laugh. "I don't get a choice?"

"Nope." Not unless Barnaby fought his way out of Kotetsu's arms, because he felt awfully good there. And if he did try to fight his way out, Kotetsu might fight him right back.

Which reminded him... "Hey, Bunny," Kotetsu said, after a few minutes of silence. "Know what?"

"Mmm...?" Barnaby sounded like he'd almost fallen asleep already.

"You're the King of Heroes," Kotetsu told him with a grin.

Silence, then a real laugh, if a quiet one. "Yeah... I am."

"In case you forgot."

"Can't say it was one of the foremost things on my mind today," Barnaby admitted, and found one of Kotetsu's hands to hold in his own. "...Thank you."

"No problem." As far as Kotetsu was concerned, there were no problems at all. Even if this wasn't exactly conventional, or one hundred percent honest, the two of them lying together in Barnaby's bed, sleeping off the previous night's celebration, felt right to him. If there were going to be any consequences, he'd worry about them later.


	4. Chapter 4

It may not have been a solution, or a resolution, or even desirable, but Kotetsu thought he could live with the way things were. If he made Barnaby happy, and neither of them wanted to be alone, and their dependence on one another for that was mutual... did it really matter what they called it? If Barnaby thought it was love and said so, did it matter that it wasn't, as long as he had what he needed? And as for Kotetsu, he might not be getting _everything_ he needed - but the things he wasn't getting, he wasn't likely to get anyway. So it didn't matter. He didn't have to feel like an asshole.

Most of the time, he could even believe that. When Barnaby wasn't actually kissing him, or saying the words. No matter how Kotetsu justified it in his mind, when confronted with Barnaby's honest feelings, he couldn't quite get past the fact that he was still living a lie. A lie that might not be hurting anyone, that it was possible no one would ever find out about, but a lie even so.

But good things were happening. Barnaby's partnership was one of them, their rankings at the end of the season and his newfound respect in the eyes of the public were another. Even Lloyds was complimenting him nowadays - and yes, arranging completely stupid appearances, but it was better than being complained at constantly. And even more amazing, Kotetsu's Hundred Power seemed to be getting stronger. Maybe it had to do with his improved mood and confidence, maybe it was because he trained better with Barnaby around, Kotetsu wasn't sure, but he was running faster, jumping higher, and just in general feeling _way_ more powerful a few weeks into the new season.

Kotetsu's satisfaction with the new trajectory of his life only got better when his old boss called him up out of the blue, suggesting they get together for coffee soon. Ben hadn't done as well for himself since TopMag got rid of their hero division, true... but he was getting by, and that was the thing about Ben - even if he wasn't doing so hot, he was always glad to see Wild Tiger taking care of business. And Wild Tiger was _really_ taking care of business nowadays. Kotetsu had plenty of good things to tell him about.

Or so he thought, until Ben told him why he'd gotten in contact.

"I'm not saying that's definitely what's happening," Ben added, seeing that Kotetsu was too stricken by the idea of losing his powers to respond. "I'm saying... be careful. Pay attention to what's happening with your powers - maybe it'll turn out to be nothing," he admitted with a shrug. "But if it's true, I didn't want it to take you by surprise. You're risking your life out there, and if your powers run out just a few seconds before you think they will..."

The effects could be deadly. Ben was right to let him know, but... Kotetsu shook his head, forced a smile. "You're right, it's probably nothing. I mean, I feel great! Better than ever!" he said, clenching a fist decisively. "There's no way my powers are declining."

Ben smiled back, but it was tight and worried. "That's the Wild Tiger I know. ...Kotetsu, I'll be looking into it, see if I can get more information - I've got connections that go way back. You just hold tight, don't take any unnecessary chances..." Ben broke off there, and chuckled more honestly. "Don't take unnecessary chances - who do I think I'm talking to?"

Kotetsu grinned sheepishly, more so when Ben called him out on yet another instance of property damage he'd witnessed a couple weeks ago. On to other subjects, then, since Ben had made his point.

Rather than the stories and happy memories, Ben's concern was what stayed with him, however, after they'd gone their separate ways. Kotetsu tried to remember - it seemed like he had lost a few seconds, that first time. But it was just a few seconds - he could have been off. And the last time they'd been in a fight, Barnaby's powers seemed to last longer than his, but maybe he'd just held back a little longer than Kotetsu before using them. He couldn't be sure. He'd just have to start paying attention, and until then, he wasn't going to get worked up.

When he met Barnaby at headquarters a couple of hours later, and Barnaby asked, Kotetsu brightened. He told Barnaby that it had been great to see Ben again, they'd had a great time. He didn't say a word about things that might not even be happening.

Later that night, they were called out in pursuit of a robber, however. Caught up in the moment, Kotetsu wasn't paying too much attention to the clock, but there was no mistake - his powers were gone before the countdown had ended. Too long before the end of the countdown to have been a synchronization error, too.

"You know," Barnaby remarked, flipping up the faceplate on his suit and heading back over with the subdued criminal in hand, "you don't need to _let_ me go after them. Even if I didn't think I could still come in first, it wouldn't be bad for the two of us to be in second and third place. You should be more assertive."

"Heh..." Kotetsu tried to shrug off his uneasiness. "I've gotten in trouble in the past for being _too_ assertive."

"If you get too assertive, I'll be there to let you know," Barnaby said with a smirk. After handing the robber off to a waiting policeman, he turned back to Kotetsu, the look in his eyes subtly changed. "I know there are _some_ areas of your life where you could stand to be more assertive."

...Kotetsu wasn't sure what to say to that.

"Whenever you're ready," Barnaby finished, turning away. The announcers moving in with their mics probably thought he meant for the post-arrest interview, but Kotetsu knew better.

The two of them gave the press some enthusiastic soundbites, but when Barnaby asked Kotetsu afterwards if he wanted to come back to his place for awhile, Kotetsu declined. He was tired, he said. It had been a long day, and he just wanted to head to bed.

That was exactly what he did when he got home - flopped back on his bed, and stared up at the pictures of his family. Of Tomoe. He wished she was there. She'd know what to tell him. For that matter, she'd have listened. She already knew all his faults - Kotetsu could have told her about this weakness, and the fear that was beginning to creep in that this could be the end. She was the only one who'd ever known just how much it meant to him to be a hero. He wished he had someone to talk to.

...All things considered, maybe he should have been thinking about talking to Barnaby. Even if they weren't really a couple, he was still closer to Barnaby than anyone else at the moment.

But no - he couldn't burden Barnaby with this, when Barnaby was still dealing with a lot of things. Barnaby was on track to break a bunch of records; his performance would suffer if he was spending the last thirty seconds of his power worrying about Kotetsu. Kotetsu could take care of himself. He definitely didn't need the kind of comfort Barnaby would probably try to offer - it would just make him feel worse. Besides, Barnaby wouldn't get it. For him, being a hero had been a means to an end. There were probably a million other things he could do with his life if he had to stop. For Kotetsu, being a hero was all he had. All he'd ever had, his only hope, the thing that kept him going through all the difficult years.

Kind of like Barnaby and finding his parents' killer, Kotetsu realized. HeroTV was _his_ Jake Martinez.

He laughed faintly, pressing a hand against his face. It was an absurd thought, but it was true. Kotetsu wasn't going to let it get away from him, either. He was going to hold on just as tight as Barnaby had, and he'd win this fight too.

As Kotetsu was drifting off to sleep, the thought occurred to him that Barnaby had only been able to beat Jake with his help. ...Kotetsu tried to ignore it. The situations were entirely different.

\---

Kotetsu may not have been best known for his intelligence, but he wasn't dumb. He seemed to have a problem on his hands, and he had to look into it, figure it out. No matter how painful it was to gather the evidence, it had to be done. He had plenty of time to do so, since now that the new season was in full swing, Barnaby was dominating the scoreboards. He was rushing headlong towards a new quarter-season record, on track to surpass the record that had been set by Legend himself, many years ago. With every new arrest, the media swarmed past him, straight to his partner.

Under other circumstances, Kotetsu might have been a little depressed over being overshadowed again so soon. Instead, mostly he was just glad they left him to himself, to look over the data he was gathering.

He'd started using a timer independent from the one in his suit; he wrote down the results in a notebook when he got home, along with any observations about his power, after every time he used it. It took only a week to confirm his fears. The timer indicated he was losing a second or two every time. After that, sometimes more. The bursts of extraordinary strength and speed that had first tipped him off had seemingly stopped as well. Everything pointed to Ben's theory being true.

Kotetsu thought about calling Ben. Maybe he'd found out something more. But if he'd found out anything good, he would have called Kotetsu right away. Since he hadn't... maybe no news was good news.

And Kotetsu didn't want to talk about it anyway. He didn't want to think about it any more than he had to. He kept a bottle close by the notebook, sitting there on his coffee table; as soon as he was done with one, he started on the other.

He was so wrapped up in his own concerns, he completely forgot to be concerned about the other big problem on his hands, which suddenly seemed a lot less important. Especially since he'd mostly come to terms with how things were. Ironic, then, that when he'd more or less made his peace, something came along that gave him the perfect excuse to bow out gracefully. If Kotetsu stopped being a hero, if he wasn't Barnaby's partner anymore, then they'd have to break up. Or at the very least, they'd begin to grow apart, and _then_ Barnaby would realize that they had to break up.

But that wasn't an excuse Kotetsu was going to use. No way. He _was_ a hero, and he wasn't going to stop being a hero. He _definitely_ wouldn't give up just because it was easy or convenient. He'd train harder, he'd work harder, whatever it took, but he was going to keep on being a hero. Even if it did mean also holding on to a messed up, confusing relationship that wasn't a relationship.

Besides, the relationship that wasn't a relationship was actually working out pretty well for him at the moment. Barnaby was so busy that he didn't have much free time to spend with Kotetsu, and so when the two of them were together? They were usually somewhere public - somewhere they were just partners. Something to do with business, and the one bright spot in Kotetsu's life at the moment was the fact that Barnaby was doing so well in that business. Even without Kotetsu's last-minute fades lending a hand, Barnaby was on a roll. The two of them were dominating over the rest of the heroes, and Kotetsu didn't actually have so much to do with that. He was just backing Barnaby up a lot of the time. It was amazing, watching the replays and seeing just how good his partner really was - almost like watching Legend when he was in his prime. No matter what other feelings he was having to deal with, when it came to Barnaby, the most overwhelming thing Kotetsu felt was gratitude. For the chance to work with him, for his talent helping to cover up Kotetsu's decline... for being so damn _graceful_ about Kotetsu's difficulties.

Barnaby was so busy, though, that it wasn't surprising when he finally called Kotetsu from his car. On the way home from yet another interview, he said. "It's ridiculous," he declared with an amused sigh. "They've had me so busy I've hardly seen you for days, unless we're on the job. I miss you."

Kotetsu couldn't help smiling wistfully. "I miss you too."

"We need to schedule some time together."

"Hey, I'm wide open," Kotetsu pointed out. "You're the one who's Mr. Popular."

"And it's only going to get worse," Barnaby remarked. "I just had someone observe that if I make one more arrest within the next week, I'm going to beat Legend's quarter-season record."

"I think you can swing that."

"That depends on whether or not we're called out again in the next week," said Barnaby. "Anyway... if you're wide open, does that mean I can stop by tonight?"

"Sure, that's fine," Kotetsu told him, grabbing the notebook and shoving it underneath the couch.

The bottles were also mostly gone by the time Barnaby arrived, but Kotetsu left one out. He'd had an idea of something they could do tonight, and having drinks on hand could only make it more fun. "So what are you up to these days?" Barnaby asked, sitting down next to Kotetsu.

"Oh, not a lot, hanging out..." By himself, mostly, which wasn't normal for him. He'd been kind of depressed about everything - but no sense mentioning it now and worrying Barnaby, because now that Barnaby was there, Kotetsu's mood was already improving. "Had dinner yet?"

"No, I haven't. It's probably past time - especially if you're intending for us to drink that." Barnaby gestured towards the bottle and the two glasses on the coffee table.

"That was the plan," Kotetsu agreed with a grin. "Wanna order in?"

"I get the feeling you've got more planned than drinking," Barnaby observed, obviously bemused by the look on Kotetsu's face.

As a matter of fact, he did, and although Barnaby was a little embarrassed at first, Kotetsu's insistence that it would be inspiring won him over before long. An hour later, there were cartons of Chinese food sitting open and mostly empty before them on the table along with the bottle, and the television was in the middle of a particular HeroTV compilation from almost twenty years previous.

"And here we go... _bam!_ " Kotetsu slurped up the last of his noodles and set down the empty carton. "Just one after another after another," he said, leaning back on the couch beside Barnaby, who'd finished eating a few minutes earlier. "And that's why they call him Legend."

"No, they call him Legend because he chose that as his hero name," Barnaby corrected him, amused. "He was called Legend before he'd done anything legendary - it's fortunate for him that he lived up to it."

"You just like being a spoilsport." It was a cheerful sort of complaint, and when Barnaby put an arm around Kotetsu's shoulders, Kotetsu leaned into it comfortably. "Obviously his hero name was Legend because they knew he was going to be that good."

"Nobody can _know_ what's going to happen in the future, especially in the hero business," Barnaby replied, leaning on Kotetsu a little more in return. "What if in his first season, he'd been injured and had to drop out for a few months? Or if someone else was there from the start who happened to be just as skilled?"

"Someone like you?"

Barnaby made an exasperated noise, shaking his head. After a second, though, he spoke again, more quietly. "...It doesn't bother you, does it?"

"Bother me? What? No!" Kotetsu said immediately, giving Barnaby an incredulous look. "You're a brand new hero in your prime - I'm way past my chance to set any records."

"Legend was setting those records when he was older than you are," Barnaby reminded him. "But that's not what I meant. I meant... does it bother you that I'm breaking _his_ records? I know Legend has been your idol ever since you were young."

"Oh. Well..." Kotetsu shook his head. It hadn't even occurred to him to be bothered by that. "It's not his scores that made him my idol. They didn't hurt, but as a hero, he was way more than just points. I idolized him because he was the whole deal, you know? Because he showed people what being a hero meant. He even told me himself."

"You're not going to tell the story again, are you?"

Kotetsu shoved an elbow into Barnaby's ribs. "Anyway, no, it doesn't bother me," he said. "And actually... it's kind of incredible. When I was a kid, I used to daydream about being a hero with Legend, helping him arrest criminals and save people. I was just a kid, so I was his sidekick, but that was enough for me. Becoming a hero myself was like a dream come true. But working with another hero, who's as good as he was?" It was a sobering thought, in a way. "It's like _my_ dream come true. I get to work with the most amazing hero..."

"I'm not that amazing," Barnaby said dismissively.

"Then how are you breaking the records?" Kotetsu countered.

"I haven't actually broken them yet. Plus, I wouldn't be getting so many points if I didn't have you backing me up and then letting me make the arrests," he pointed out. "You're as responsible for my score as I am."

"And that's all I really wanted out of it," Kotetsu told him. "I just wanted to be there, fighting at his side." He tilted his head up, smiling at Barnaby. "Fighting at _your_ side is closer than I ever thought I could come to my childhood dream."

Barnaby smiled back. "I can imagine you as a little kid," he remarked. "I bet you were really cute."

"Me? Nah. I was just a confused little brat."

"That hardly means you couldn't have been cute," said Barnaby. "Besides, the way your eyes light up when we're watching these reruns, or even when you're just talking about Legend... you look like a kid. And it's cute."

"Are you a couple drinks ahead of me or something?" Kotetsu chuckled. "I'm not cute."

"I think you are. Especially for an old man," Barnaby teased. "You're adorable."

The way Barnaby was smiling at him, Kotetsu couldn't do anything but smile back. And when Barnaby leaned in to kiss him, he didn't mind kissing back either. Kotetsu had spent so much time alone with his worries lately, he needed it. He needed the attention, he needed the affection - the feeling of being wanted, the reassurance that he wasn't losing everything. At least, not yet. He let himself forget everything else for the moment, even his concerns about where he and Barnaby might be headed, because Barnaby's kiss wasn't hungry or impatient this time. It was only sweet and fond and gentle, and that was pretty much how Kotetsu felt towards Barnaby at the moment too.

The video was all but forgotten, until the music from the current scene faded out, and a new, more urgent theme began playing. "Oh! Yeah! Here we go," Kotetsu said excitedly, turning back towards the TV a little, snuggling against Barnaby. "This was his final arrest of the quarter-season," he explained, "and he was a little below his old record, so no one really expected this job to be important. But turns out there were seven hijackers on board, and - well, just watch!"

Barnaby laughed, not the least bit offended by Kotetsu's distraction. "See? You really are like a kid," he observed, squeezing Kotetsu a little tighter.

To disprove that notion, Kotetsu stuck his tongue out at Barnaby. He was pretty sure he'd felt older than this a couple years ago, before Barnaby came along. Not to mention for most of the last few weeks, as he chronicled the decrease in his powers, a measurable sign of time catching up with him.

He wasn't thinking about that at the moment, though. Curling up on the couch with Barnaby, watching Legend's amazing feats while snuggled against someone warm and affectionate, certainly made him feel happier than he'd felt in a very long time.

\---

Happiness couldn't last forever. One good peaceful night, a night spent thinking about things other than his problems, didn't make those problems go away. The problems reasserted themselves again a couple nights later, when they were called out to go after another criminal - and although Barnaby arrested the man, surpassing Legend's old quarter-season record, Lunatic finally appeared again, and Kotetsu _almost_ had him... only to have his powers fade away a few seconds too soon.

Of course Barnaby credited Kotetsu's help for his success, and privately thanked him for volunteering to lure Lunatic away, allowing Barnaby alone to take care of the arrest. It didn't make Kotetsu feel any better, and though he was ashamed of himself for it, he just wasn't in the mood to celebrate. He was happy for Barnaby, sure, but he'd been hopeful - the last time he'd used his power, he hadn't lost any time at all, and though he'd tried not to get his hopes up too high, he'd thought it was possible his powers were stabilizing. This time, though, he'd lost three more seconds.

After spending most of his time at the reception afterwards either at the buffet or out on the balcony so he could brood without bothering anyone - which didn't work, when Barnaby insisted on following him out - he left early. He didn't want to distract Barnaby from his party, but he just couldn't get into it when he felt old and tired and useless... and also worried. Why had Lunatic shown up again now? Was he planning on dispensing more of his sick 'justice'? There might be nothing he could do about it if he was.

Kotetsu jotted down the latest info in his notebook, then told his brain to shut up, and gave it a helping hand by putting on the video of Legend's highest scoring season again. That at least let him smile, and after a little while, his determination returned. He was a hero, like Legend - he'd defeat this evil just like any other. Tomorrow, he'd get some extra workout time in at the gym.

That was the plan, anyway, until his workout the next afternoon was interrupted by a call from Ben. At least Ben didn't sound especially depressed when he told Kotetsu he'd gathered some more info, and wanted to get together to discuss it.

...It wasn't the worst news he could have gotten, finding out that Legend had gone through the same thing, that the last few seasons had been staged, messy arrest records had been sanitized, and Legend had been drowning himself in alcohol the whole time. But considering that the man had been Kotetsu's role model, his inspiration, and watching those reruns had been giving him the strength to stand up to the challenge facing him? It was still devastating.

And when Ben dared to suggest that maybe he needed to find something else to do with his life - before he wound up like Legend, no less, which was just what Kotetsu had always thought he wanted - Kotetsu couldn't stand it any more. He walked out. It was better than raging at Ben for telling him the truth.

Then, though he'd been trying to head off anything worse, the drive home took a nasty turn, and the night quickly became worse than he'd ever imagined it could be.

The next morning, he woke up with the cold rain pouring down on him, not doing a thing for the filthy sensation he had from having spent the night unconscious in a dumpster. The morning news was being broadcast on one of the giant screens installed nearby, informing everyone that the night before, Lunatic had killed again - the same man that he'd encountered on the rooftop and failed to arrest, at that - and also that Barnaby had racked up even more points for the quarter-season. Kotetsu closed his eyes, let himself sink into the chill and the filth, and wished the garbage truck would just come by already and finish the damn job.

But it didn't. Eventually he lifted a hand, as there was a beep from his wrist; he'd missed several calls. Probably about Lunatic... but as much as the thought tempted him to just lie there forever, he supposed he couldn't.

No one walking past in the street seemed to notice anything amiss about a man lying cold and sore and miserable in the trash, and no one noticed as he pulled himself up, careful and stiff, and climbed down into the alleyway. Just another resident of Sternbild who was down on his luck. There were plenty of others, he was nothing to take note of. He was better off than some, in fact, since he had a vehicle. After a little while, he managed to find his way back to it.

Straight to the shower when he got home, and he just stood there under the hot water, running it until it started getting cold. It didn't seem to warm him at all, and he had no will to actually wash. Or move, or do anything. He didn't even bother getting dressed again before he fell into bed, and also didn't sleep.

It wasn't that long anyway until he heard his wristband going off again from where he'd left it in the bathroom. He closed his eyes; there was no point picking up, he was in no shape to be a hero today, maybe ever. It was only when his actual phone downstairs started ringing just after his wristband finally stopped that he opened his eyes again. They didn't generally call that number to get in touch with him.

That phone had stopped ringing too by the time he'd stumbled his way down the stairs, but now his cell phone was ringing instead, from inside the pocket of his pants, also still in the bathroom. He dug it out, and given the determination of whoever was trying to get through to him, he wasn't surprised at all that it was Barnaby.

He couldn't deal with Barnaby. Not now. Not like this. Barnaby would be all concerned about him if he knew how miserable Kotetsu was, and Kotetsu didn't want that. He didn't deserve Barnaby's concern. So he'd have to suck it up and pretend everything was fine, and although he was pretty good at that by now, he just wasn't up to it at the moment. He dropped the phone on the coffee table on the way back to bed.

He didn't even make it all the way there before the wristband went off again. ...Looked like he didn't have any choice. Kotetsu grabbed a pair of boxers to put on, sat down on the couch, and took a few deep breaths, waiting. If it didn't pan out, that was fine by him too.

But sure enough, after the wristband stopped beeping, his home phone rang again. Another deep breath, and he picked up. "Hey."

The response was a sigh. "Kotetsu..."

Kotetsu waited, for either an outpouring of relief or demands for an explanation. Neither came. "What?" he asked finally.

"It's not your fault."

"...Huh?"

"It's not your fault," Barnaby repeated. "None of us got there until Lunatic was already gone, and Depardieu was already dead. It was an eyewitness from the club that called the authorities, after Lunatic showed up and everyone ran - so we probably didn't even find out that Lunatic was after him until it was too late. You couldn't have stopped him any more than we could."

No kidding. He'd had a better chance than any of them, and he'd failed to arrest Depardieu _or_ save him from Lunatic. He was useless as a hero, his powers fading...

"Kotetsu?"

"Yeah?" At least Barnaby had decided Kotetsu had a pretty good excuse to be depressed, so he didn't have to ask why. And Kotetsu didn't have to pretend he wasn't. That was nice.

"Can I come over?"

Kotetsu _really_ didn't want company. "Don't you have a bunch of interviews or a book signing or something like that?"

"I told Lloyds I'm taking the day off - last night was rough for me, and since no one had heard from you, I wanted to make sure you were okay. It's unlikely he'll fire me for it."

Kotetsu scoffed quietly. That was the truth.

"Will you let me come over?"

Kotetsu sighed. "I'm not really good company right now, Bunny... lousy mood."

"I know, that's why I want to come over," said Barnaby. "You always tried to be there for me when I was hurting, or even when you just thought I was... Even when we were just partners. It seems like I should be doing at least that much now that we're more."

Great, now Kotetsu felt even worse. Worse in a way that made him not particularly want to say no to Barnaby, though. "Fine..."

"Thanks, Kotetsu... I'll see you in a little while."

"Sure. Seeya." Kotetsu hung up, and just sat there, waiting. He didn't feel like getting up to make himself presentable, or to tidy up, or anything. On second thought, after ten minutes or so had passed, it occurred to him to shove the notebook on the coffee table underneath the couch again before Barnaby showed up.

He'd managed to muster up enough willpower to throw on a shirt and longer pants before Barnaby arrived as well, mostly because Barnaby took longer than Kotetsu was expecting. When the knock finally came on his door, Kotetsu answered - and couldn't help but smile a little. "I thought you hated that stuff."

"I do," Barnaby replied, coming in and heading for the fridge, so he could put away the six-pack dangling from his left hand. "But you like it. For some reason."

Kotetsu just watched Barnaby, charmed in spite of himself as Barnaby just breezed in like he owned the place, and found a spot on the counter to set down the small brown paper bag he was also carrying. "What's in the bag?"

"Bagels and cream cheese," said Barnaby, unfolding the top. "I know it's a little late for breakfast, but considering how long it took you to get to the phone this time, and the fact you hadn't answered any of the previous times, I suspected you hadn't eaten yet."

Kotetsu scratched his head thoughtfully. Barnaby was... pretty smart that way. "Nope... but I'm not really hungry either," he admitted.

"That's fine, I'll just put this away then," Barnaby told him. "Relax... I'll join you in a moment. I think both of us could use a day to decompress."

Barnaby probably more than him, what with his celebrity persona being so in demand. Kotetsu was under a lot of pressure, sure, but it wasn't imposed on him by other people, and it wasn't something that would go away just because he took a day off. Even so, he didn't have any inclination to do anything today other than lie around and feel awful, so he did as Barnaby suggested and settled back down on the couch.

As promised, Barnaby joined him shortly afterwards, and frowned, reaching out to touch the corner of Kotetsu's mouth, making him flinch. "How'd you get this?"

"Eh, the other night, when I was chasing Lunatic." Kotetsu shrugged it off. "I just barely dodged some of his fire. I thought I'd gotten off easy, then the blister was there the next morning."

Barnaby paused, and Kotetsu wondered if Barnaby was going to question it. One reason he'd decided to put on clothes before Barnaby had gotten there was because he had plenty of other bruises and minor burns all over that couldn't be so easily explained.

But Barnaby didn't ask. "Kotetsu... if I'm doing something wrong, let me know," Barnaby said. "I don't really know how to comfort anyone. I've never tried before - but you... make me want to try."

Comforting someone was hardly about what the _comforter_ wanted at the moment, but Kotetsu didn't bother saying it. If it would make Barnaby feel better... That's what his life had been about for awhile anyway, making Barnaby feel better. Without so much as a look, he reached over and took Barnaby's hand. "You don't really have to do anything," he said. And strangely enough, it was the truth. "It kinda makes things a little better just to know someone cares." Enough to bring him some breakfast and cheap beer, even.

"Good, because I have no idea what I'm doing." Barnaby reached for the remote. "Maybe something's on TV that would take your mind off it..."

Or not. "-reach the scene before the damage was done. As in past incidents involving Lunatic, aside from the single fatality, no one was-"

The TV clicked off as quickly as it had clicked on, Kotetsu having grabbed for the remote. Not before he'd seen the picture flash up on the screen next to the old standby news media shot of Lunatic - two men who had taunted him and mocked him. And Kotetsu _still_ somehow felt guilty.

"...Sorry," Barnaby murmured.

"Not your fault," Kotetsu muttered. He was the one who'd left it on that channel anyway.

"It's not your fault either." Barnaby sighed heavily. "Kotetsu... don't blame yourself. None of us who _did_ respond got there in time either. And besides... I know you hate it whenever we can't save _anyone_ \- but Benoit Depardieu was a serial killer, Kotetsu. Hardly an innocent citizen."

"He was still a human being!" Kotetsu snapped, turning to glare at Barnaby. "Heroes can't pick and choose who lives and who dies." Actually, what made Kotetsu feel the most guilt was the fact that in light of his own encounter with Depardieu, a part of him wanted to agree. But he had to be better than that, he was a hero... at least, for the moment. He had no idea how long that would last, and he slumped forward, resting his head in his hands.

Barnaby didn't say anything for what seemed like a long time. "...I'm sorry. I don't seem to be very good at this comforting business."

"That's not your fault either," Kotetsu muttered. Barnaby hadn't had any experience with it, and besides, he was a rational kind of guy. He weighed things objectively - of course he'd be able to justify the heroes' failures with logic like that. Kotetsu just... couldn't.

"I don't know what to say," Barnaby admitted. "I don't know what I can say or do that won't make it worse. I don't know... Is there anything I can do to help? Or should I just go...?"

Barnaby was trying. That had to count for something. Kotetsu sighed, and straightened up to look at Barnaby. "Tell me about how you got those seajackers," he suggested, and forced a little smile. "I missed it."

Barnaby paused, then nodded, giving Kotetsu a little helpless smile of his own in return. "All right, well... They were headed out to sea by the time we caught up - they had to drop most of us from above. Not Keith or Karina, obviously, so they got a little bit of a head start. But once we were aboard..."

Kotetsu leaned back, resting his head on the back of the couch, and closed his eyes to let himself imagine the scene as Barnaby described it. He could just picture it - chill wind blowing in as they bounded over the waves in the harbor at night, the city behind them all lit up like it was already decorated for the upcoming holiday season. He may have been a country boy, but you couldn't defend a city like Sternbild for ten years without developing a certain fondness and familiarity with it. Same as his fellow heroes; he could imagine Nathan's fire flaring up, Pao-lin's lightning flashing, the heavy thud and the way the deck must have shaken as Antonio landed in his heavy armor. And of course, Barnaby zooming through the whole mess at nearly impossible speeds, the indicators on his power suit leaving trails of light in his wake.

And that had pretty much been the end of it. Kotetsu's smile was more authentic by the time Barnaby finished relating the story, but a little bitter. "I wish I could've been there," he murmured, his eyes still closed. "But I guess you didn't need my help, huh..."

"I doubt I would have arrested them if you _had_ been there, unless you let me," Barnaby remarked, his own voice also sounding lighter after the retelling of his victory. "You could have used those wires of yours before I got close enough to capture them by hand, and the points would have gone to you."

...That was true. It also had nothing to do with his powers or how long they were lasting nowadays - the Hundred Power wasn't the only thing that made him a hero, Kotetsu thought. It had just taken Barnaby to remind him.

"...What is it?" Barnaby asked, curious and slightly wary when Kotetsu leaned forward, covering his face with his hands as he laughed helplessly. "Kotetsu...?"

"Nothing," Kotetsu chuckled, and looked up to Barnaby with a smile that was completely authentic. "Nothing at all..." He still didn't know what to do, but at least he knew that Barnaby believed in him. More than he probably should have, but at the moment it felt good. "You know... I think maybe it _is_ about time I had some breakfast."

Because all of a sudden, Kotetsu was the one who found himself wanting to kiss Barnaby. That was... pretty confusing, and he'd have to think about it later. In the meantime, he could occupy his mouth with something else - and he _was_ feeling better now than he had been.

Barnaby's bagels and cream cheese tasted better than Kotetsu expected, and by that time, it was late afternoon - late enough he could have a beer. Barnaby wouldn't drink the stuff unless he was either out of something better, or had enough of something better that it didn't matter what he drank anymore, so Kotetsu pulled out a fresh bottle from his cupboard, clearing the nearly empty bottles from the coffee table. They turned on a crappy movie, laughed at it and argued over it, and finished off the bagels for their dinner just because they had leftovers, and they'd tasted good.

Neither of them was completely sober by late evening, but neither were they especially drunk, so Kotetsu supposed it was safe to take a chance. After he'd caught Barnaby up on a bunch of gossip from the gym, since Barnaby had been out making appearances too often to join the rest of the heroes, Kotetsu made a suggestion he hadn't expected himself to make. "Hey, Bunny-chan... if you wouldn't mind..."

"Mmm?"

"Want to stay over tonight?"

Barnaby smiled, soft and pleased. "I'd be glad to."

"Just to sleep, though, you know?" Kotetsu added, just in case Barnaby had gotten the wrong idea. "I just... don't really want to be alone right now."

"Whatever you want," Barnaby agreed with a small nod.

That was the question - what _did_ Kotetsu want? He wasn't sure anymore. There were things he wanted that he couldn't tell if he really wanted, or if it was just that he wanted something else he couldn't have, or if he'd just gotten too used to what he _could_ have.

He considered changing his mind, when Barnaby curled up against him in the dark. It felt too comfortable, too right, and he found himself wanting more. Another good-night kiss, maybe kisses that would put off the good-nights a little longer. His body ached for many reasons, but for attention just as much, and he knew Barnaby would have been willing to provide it if he so much as asked. But was it because of Barnaby, or just because of his own situation? Barnaby had been good to him, and maybe that was why Kotetsu was having these kinds of thoughts. That, combined with loneliness and confusion and frustration...

But although Barnaby had cheered him up more than he'd expected, Kotetsu's main problems hadn't gone away. Whether his feelings for Barnaby were changing or not, it might not matter. He had a decision to make, and if he decided against continuing on as a hero, it would be best to just... let this die quietly. No matter what either of them felt. If he _could_ still be a hero - and the fact Barnaby believed in his ability to do so even without his powers might have factored into how he was feeling at the moment - _then_ there would be a point to thinking about it. Then he could let himself consider it.

In the meantime, he held Barnaby tight, reminding himself he wasn't alone. Not tonight.


	5. Chapter 5

It was good to have someone to lean on. There was no denying that; it was something he'd been trying to show Barnaby, even. But just having someone believe in you didn't fix the underlying problem, at least not in Kotetsu's case. His powers were disappearing, and he needed to figure out what to do about it. Until he did, he might be putting not only himself, but Barnaby in danger.

Also there was the part where Barnaby had faith in him. That complicated things even more.

After a couple tense days spent hoping no potentially troublesome criminals decided to do anything funny, Kotetsu had his mind made up. He had to get away.

Barnaby supported him, of course. It was about time Kotetsu finally visited his daughter, after promising so many times and failing to follow through. Family was important. Even not having a family of his own - maybe because he had no family of his own - Barnaby understood that. Though the smile he gave Kotetsu when he gave his assurance to Lloyds that he could handle everything himself in Kotetsu's absence made Kotetsu wonder. It was just a little too cheerful...

But once Kotetsu was back in his hometown, surrounded by nostalgic sights and his family (who never treated him like any sort of celebrity), Barnaby seemed very far away.

Instead, faced with his childhood home and his mother's cooking and drinks with Muramasa and a daughter who had grown up way, way faster than Kotetsu had expected and even was starting to resemble her mother, it seemed like Tomoe was a lot closer. Not close enough by any stretch, but closer than Barnaby - and the promise he'd made her the last time they'd spoken seemed to be hanging right in front of him.

He was supposed to be a hero. Legend had told him he was a hero. Barnaby believed in him as a hero, and as a partner. He'd promised Tomoe he wouldn't stop being a hero. How could he think of stopping?

But how could he possibly go on? He hadn't been able to capture Depardieu, a normal human, and had almost gotten himself killed in the process of trying. No matter what Barnaby thought, no matter what he himself had said over the years, his powers were what made him hero material. Without them, he was just a guy with good intentions.

Good intentions that sometimes went completely wrong, as they had with him trying to make Barnaby happy. But that was only on his mind briefly, when he happened to catch a bit of HeroTV late in the evening, watching with drink in hand as Barnaby wrapped it all up neatly again, throwing soundbites to the press. Mostly what that drove home to Kotetsu was that Barnaby really _didn't_ need him. He'd do fine on his own if Kotetsu retired.

Yeah... Kotetsu was pretty much useless. Unnecessary. Washed up. It was the logical thing to do, retirement. Barnaby wouldn't have had to think about it so long as he had. It was just that logic didn't mean a whole lot to Kotetsu in light of his promise to Tomoe.

Or, just maybe, the ache he felt at the idea of Barnaby moving on, finding another partner.

The next day, however, everything seemed to become a lot clearer. Seeing the visible signs of his mother aging, trying to do too much all on her own, Muramasa showing that he understood Kaede better than her own absent father - and then Kaede herself being in danger, on top of everything else - Barnaby was the furthest thing from Kotetsu's mind, which he'd just made up. Even if he lost his powers, even if he wasn't wearing a power suit and scoring points on television, he could still keep his promise to Tomoe by being the dad their daughter needed. He'd messed that up pretty good so far, but he was resolved. He'd start from scratch, and get it right this time.

He wasn't worrying about Barnaby when he made his final promise to Kaede. It might be tricky, but it would work out. It had to, because he was doing this. He really was going to retire, no matter what.

Naturally, Ouroboros managed to screw it all up again just by one of their operatives waking up at the wrong time.

All right, so maybe Kotetsu should have let Barnaby know about his decision right away when he got back to Sternbild. They were partners - if not for much longer - and they were supposedly in a relationship - not that that was likely to last much longer either. But Kotetsu knew it was going to be tricky, and being back in his home in the city, where they'd spent so much time together, kind of made him second-guess whether or not he could really go through with it. He was going to miss Barnaby's partnership and his company, fake relationship or not. Not just Barnaby, either. His place was with his family now, sure, but the other heroes and the HeroTV staff were a kind of family too, and as for Barnaby...

Never mind whether or not they actually had anything; if HeroTV was another family for Kotetsu, the closest approximation for his relationship with Barnaby really _was_ a spouse.

So it was only natural for Kotetsu to be dreading it. But still, it wasn't like he was putting it off, exactly. The whole time he was packing up his things, preparing to ship the boxes back home, he was mentally composing a speech in his mind, figuring out exactly what he would say to Barnaby and how he would say it. Because yes - he really was going to say it.

It would be a great weight off his shoulders, honestly. He had enough to take care of at home, with his mom's back acting up and Kaede's powers suddenly manifesting, so it wasn't like he had time for a _real_ relationship, let alone one that wasn't even really there. It would be a relief to be rid of it, after all the lying and so on.

That was what Kotetsu was telling himself, anyway. He couldn't help imagining the look on Barnaby's face if it went badly, the utter disappointment and hurt. ...All the more reason to take his time and figure out exactly what to say to avoid hurting him. Maybe if he just said he was retiring, and it didn't mean they had to break up, but he _was_ going home to his family, and it might be difficult - maybe Barnaby would make the decision on his own. Yeah, that would be best.

...If that would be best, then why did the idea make his throat tighten up, and his chest ache?

He was just too attached to Barnaby. That was all. Once he got used to being without him, Kotetsu would be fine. Just fine. Alone again, but fine.

...Damn it. He had to tell him eventually.

Well, Barnaby was definitely going to be the first one he told. It would be just his luck if he let someone else know first, and Barnaby found out secondhand. That was a surefire way to upset him. But then Kotetsu's usual luck was already showing itself; Barnaby was the only one not at headquarters when Kotetsu finally decided it was time. Apparently Kriem had woken up, and he was at the hospital questioning her. At least that might give him some answers, put him in a good mood...

Which meant maybe Kotetsu could go ahead and tell the rest of them, since his next stop would be to tell Barnaby. There wasn't much chance of Barnaby finding out in that time... but everyone seemed so glad to see him, so happy he was back. ...He'd made a decision and he was sticking to it. Really, he was waiting to tell Barnaby first. That was all.

His bad luck turned up again when he got to the hospital and Barnaby looked all twitchy. Though Kriem was awake, finding out that Jake was dead had made her take a turn for the worse, so he hadn't gotten a chance to question her yet. And again his luck got in the way when Kriem asked to speak to Barnaby only just after Kotetsu had arrived. Figured he might as well tag along.

It wasn't much of a surprise that what she had to tell Barnaby was unpleasant. Kotetsu had expected that. He just hadn't expected it to be so unpleasant as telling Barnaby he was wrong about Jake killing his parents. Or that she'd have pretty convincing evidence for it.

But to tell the truth... something had always seemed off to Kotetsu about the whole thing. It was pretty convenient that someone would come to bust Jake out of prison, after all these years, just after Barnaby finally remembered his face. For that matter, it was weird that Barnaby couldn't remember for twenty years, then suddenly remembered clearly enough to identify him. Memories usually grew foggier with time, not clearer - Kotetsu would know.

This wasn't his problem, Kotetsu told himself. He was retiring, he was going home, he wasn't Barnaby's partner or anything else anymore, it wasn't his responsibility...

Oh, hell - he was still Barnaby's partner until he said otherwise, and even if he had already managed to say it, he couldn't stand the idea of leaving Barnaby confused and uncertain and maybe completely self-deluded. He'd help figure out whether or not it was even possible for Jake Martinez to have murdered Barnaby's parents - they could go check the footage, see if they could verify whether or not he even had that Ouroboros tattoo. And _then_ , when it was settled, he'd tell Barnaby about his retirement.

Unless, of course, his _good_ luck kicked in just in time for him to be right exactly when he didn't want to be.

Things weren't settled at all; they were about as unsettled as it was possible for them to get. Not only was Barnaby confused and uncertain now, but he was totally freaking out once he was confronted with the truth: Jake Martinez couldn't have been the man he'd seen twenty-one years before in his parents' home. Backing against the bookshelves, clutching his head and hyperventilating... Kotetsu got up quickly, taking him by the shoulders, trying to talk him down - and finally just enfolding Barnaby in his arms, holding him tight. Barnaby kept making the most helpless, terrified little noises, and all Kotetsu could do was hold him.

"It's okay," he murmured in Barnaby's ear. "It's okay, Bunny... I'm here. I'm right here with you, you're all right..." And despite the promises he'd made to his family, he wasn't going anywhere - not when Barnaby was this messed up.

Eventually Barnaby calmed down enough to explain. His memories were changing; he wasn't seeing Jake anymore, but different people. Multiple people. People he knew, some who he'd even known back then. Kotetsu went to get them both some more coffee, so they could sit down and talk about it. Maybe he could straighten this out, and then Kotetsu could tell him. (And then maybe his mom would stop calling to nag him about it - he really didn't need that interruption.)

Kotetsu was already pretty frustrated with the whole thing when Barnaby pulled out his phone and basically called the nice old lady who had worked as his family's maid - a nice old lady he even called " _Aunt_ Samantha" - to accuse and interrogate her. It was the kind of thing he might have expected of Barnaby back when they'd first met, before he'd gotten to know Barnaby - but not the Barnaby he'd been spending his time with for the last several months. Not his Bunny. So it was no wonder he was a little too blunt, telling Barnaby flat out - "You're nuts."

It was more the Bunny he'd come to know who hung his head, accepting Kotetsu's criticism. And then quietly suggesting that _he_ needed to quit being a hero.

The only day Kotetsu could think of that had turned out worse was the day Tomoe had died. Barnaby walked out, too wrapped up in his own concerns to hear Kotetsu's protests. If Kotetsu had even known _how_ he could protest when Barnaby might _actually_ be too messed up to be a hero.

Kotetsu went home all tense and disgruntled himself, and topped off his bad day by having his daughter yell at him over the phone for making more excuses. Because obviously the universe didn't think he felt lousy enough just yet.

It would have been easy to just have a few drinks and forget about everything except feeling sorry for himself. But since Kotetsu was apparently a stupid, _masochistic_ bastard, he spent the rest of the night worrying about Barnaby instead. As bad as _his_ day had been, Barnaby had had all the progress he'd thought he'd made, the accomplishment he'd been working towards for twenty years, called into doubt. That had to be worse. And Kotetsu already knew Barnaby had no coping skills except maybe to do research, which didn't really seem like an option in this case. How did someone question their own memory?

For that matter, Kotetsu had been half expecting Barnaby to have a nervous breakdown at any time during and even after the whole Jake thing. Maybe it had just been delayed by his interference, by his trying to make Barnaby happy for once. Or then again, since Jake couldn't have been his parents' murderer after all, maybe the nervous breakdown had happened earlier, and they were just seeing it now...

The more Kotetsu thought about it - and he slept poorly, waking up often and finding his mind wandering back to Barnaby - the more worried he got. He couldn't forget, either; Barnaby had come to take care of him when he'd been at his lowest point.

When he got to the offices the next day, he waited around only about an hour after Barnaby's usual arrival time before he took off. There was no need to _question_ whether or not something was wrong.

He had to ring the bell about a dozen times. He was starting to wonder if Barnaby was even there; his car and motorcycle were downstairs, but he could have gone out for a walk, that was something Kotetsu did to clear his head sometimes. Or he could be in trouble... Kotetsu suddenly wished he'd taken Barnaby up on it when he offered to make him a copy of the key card.

Finally the door opened, and Kotetsu did a double-take. "Whoa, Bunny... you look like hell."

And it must have been bad, because Barnaby didn't even have any kind of snarky retort, he just turned away, letting Kotetsu follow him in. "Bunny..." Kotetsu began again, but he didn't know what to say. There was no point asking if he was all right - obviously he wasn't, and he didn't need to ask what the problem was.

In the meantime, Barnaby had wandered back over to the lone chair in the center of the room, wobbling as he lowered himself weakly into the seat, and picked up the liquor bottle that had been on the tray beside him. He gave it a disinterested glance, then just dropped it on the floor, seeing that it was empty.

At least it didn't break. Kotetsu picked it up, giving it a look himself. "...Did you at least eat something with this?"

Barnaby shook his head. "I _wanted_ it to hit me hard."

Kotetsu frowned. "Hope it worked."

"I don't know," Barnaby admitted. "I don't even know what I was hoping for."

"Sleep?"

Again Barnaby shook his head. "Sleep was the last thing I wanted. I knew... I knew the nightmares would come for me."

"So you haven't slept..." And had finished off the bottle on an empty stomach too. No wonder he looked like hell.

"I'm not sure." Barnaby leaned forward, his head in his hands. "Awake or asleep, I kept seeing it. I really _have_ gone crazy..."

Kotetsu stepped closer, approaching the chair. "Bunny... I shouldn't have said that."

"It's true." Barnaby's hair twisted between his fingers as he clenched his hands. "I'm..."

Kotetsu couldn't stand seeing him like this. Rather than waiting for him to finish, Kotetsu just dropped to his knees in front of the chair and leaned in to wrap his arms around Barnaby. After a second, Barnaby uttered a strangled sob and embraced him in return, clutching at his shoulders. "It won't stop," he whispered brokenly.

"Shh." Kotetsu held him tight. His own problems seemed pretty small next to seeing Barnaby break down this way, and for all that he'd made his decision and had intended to stick to it, he'd just made another one. "I'm here... I'm going to be right here with you, no matter what. We'll figure it out... we'll make it stop." ...His family was already pissed at him, after all, and Barnaby didn't have anyone else. At least, not anyone he leaned on the way he leaned on Kotetsu.

Barnaby nodded against his shoulder, and Kotetsu rocked back and forth a little, just out of habit, as he waited for Barnaby to settle down. There had to be something he could do to help... he just didn't know what it was yet.

One thing he could do, though - something Barnaby had done for him just a few days before. Once Barnaby had settled down, Kotetsu asked. "You probably didn't have breakfast, huh?"

"No... I really haven't even thought about it," Barnaby admitted, releasing his tight grip on Kotetsu. "I don't know if I could eat anything."

"Time to find out," Kotetsu told him, leaning back on his heels and forcing a confident smile before standing. "Just sit tight, I'll get you something."

"You don't have to," Barnaby began, but Kotetsu shook his head.

"I want to." He would have said he owed Barnaby, but Barnaby probably would have objected. Kotetsu was more interested in getting Barnaby to eat something than arguing with him.

Fortunately enough, even though Barnaby didn't keep his kitchen especially well-stocked, he did have everything necessary to make Kotetsu's specialty. Kotetsu wondered if it was on purpose - he'd admitted he ate a lot of fried rice just because it was easy to make, and that was the point at which they generally ordered a pizza or went somewhere for sandwiches or stir-fry or something. Maybe Barnaby would even finally get to eat his cooking this time.

...It was funny how much better he felt, now that he'd decided to stay as long as Barnaby needed. No more impatience or frustration, no more agonizing over how to say things he needed to say... just making fried rice and hoping Barnaby was up to eating it. There was a little wistfulness, over breaking his promise to Kaede yet again, or at least postponing it... but she was already convinced he was a liar anyway, and at least she had her grandma. Barnaby didn't have anyone, except maybe his Aunt Samantha. Who he'd asked for an alibi to prove she wasn't a murderer, just the night before. No, Barnaby didn't have anyone but him - and if Kotetsu was the only one Barnaby trusted right now, then Kotetsu needed to be there. And if Kotetsu needed to be there, then he was going to make the most of it. One last hurrah before retirement.

He never would have thought something so simple could make him so happy. Well, then - since he'd been presented with one last chance for good memories with Barnaby, he was going to see what he could do. As long as he could find a way to cheer Barnaby up so he could enjoy it too.

He even had an idea while the rice was cooking - something they could do that might be helpful. And even if it wasn't, maybe he could make it fun. If this had to end, and it did, they could at least have a nice last date.

\---

After a decade of working in front of the cameras, Kotetsu had this habit of thinking through how things could go over, how they'd wind up looking to the viewer. He was pretty good at planning how he could make himself look cool, and it didn't take too long before Kotetsu had it figured out in this case. They'd go out into the city and retrace Barnaby's footsteps on that Christmas Eve, twenty-one years ago. The whole place was already decked out for the holidays, and there were all kinds of holiday things going on, so it would be fun, and the lights and trees would look awesome. They'd wander around, going wherever Barnaby wanted to go, and Kotetsu could buy him hot chocolate and maybe a souvenir or something, point out something funny or beautiful if Barnaby got too serious. With Sternbild decorated about the same, it would be surprising if revisiting the same places _didn't_ bring back memories - and one memory would lead to another, until Barnaby could remember the face of his parents' killer. Maybe they'd have to go confront whoever it was and arrest them - that would make things exciting. But whatever happened, whether it was apprehending a criminal at large or verifying that the person was already behind bars or something like that, that bright smile of Barnaby's would come back afterwards, banishing all the sadness and anxiousness, as he turned to Kotetsu and said something like...

"Thank you, Kotetsu - I couldn't have done this by myself. You're the best partner ever... and I love you."

And then maybe they'd just happen to be standing under some mistletoe or something - Kotetsu would keep his eyes open - so it would be only natural to share one last, long, sweet kiss before Kotetsu looked deeply into Barnaby's eyes, growing serious, and said "Bunny... Now that we've solved the mystery of your parents' murder, I have something I've been wanting to tell you."

And Barnaby would be so relieved and grateful, of course, that he would understand when Kotetsu finally gave that speech he'd been rehearsing. He'd be sorry to see Kotetsu go, but he'd understand. He'd understand, too, that they couldn't be together anymore (which is why it was perfectly fine with Kotetsu to share that last long sweet kiss), and they would say their goodbyes.

Yeah, Kotetsu was great at coming up with ways to stage things for maximum excitement and drama. Thing was, Kotetsu just... wasn't especially good at correctly predicting the end result, especially when his plans started veering off-course.

Everything seemed to be going fine at first. Barnaby directed him to the ice skating rink, and they wandered around the shopping plaza surrounding it, with Barnaby commenting on how it was just like it was twenty-one years ago. He'd gone skating over there, and Mr. Maverick had bought Barnaby a hat at that booth right over there...

Perfect. Barnaby's attention was turned to his memories, and Kotetsu took advantage of it to step away for a second. He probably couldn't get Barnaby to wear a Santa hat again - it wouldn't suit his public image - but maybe something smaller and more subtle. ...Like a commemorative pin. Kotetsu could get one for each of them, a matched set. Yeah, that was it.

Looked like he'd gotten back just in time, too - Barnaby was starting to look anxious again when Kotetsu returned, offering to put the pin on Barnaby's jacket himself. Even Barnaby's protests were amusing rather than discouraging, up until Barnaby said something that made it obvious that he wasn't thinking along the same lines as Kotetsu.

"There's no need to remember this day. We can make all the memories we want some other time."

...Well, Kotetsu would remember this day. And after everything went according to his master plan, and they straightened out Barnaby's memories, it would be a memorable day for Barnaby too. In fact, they'd look both look back on this and laugh someday, he decided, when they thought of Kotetsu trying to attach the pin to Barnaby's shirt and Barnaby flailing around and complaining, because that was just like the two of them.

He was already feeling better about it by the time they passed the giant tree, and people taking pictures in front of it. Barnaby said he had his picture taken in front of it years ago too - with Mr. Maverick, which was such an awkward idea that Kotetsu couldn't help but chuckle. Childhood holiday pictures taken with their super-professional dignified boss? But there had been a picture taken, and Barnaby had planned to show it to his parents when he got home... and everything started spiraling out of control again before Kotetsu could lighten the mood enough to stop it.

"I clearly remember coming here with Mr. Maverick," Barnaby said, dismayed, his voice rising with his frustration as he stared up at the tree. "So why can't I remember the murderer's face?"

Kotetsu could see it coming, and tried to calm Barnaby down, but Barnaby fell to his hands and knees right there in the middle of the plaza, his body heaving with the sobs he couldn't stifle as Kotetsu knelt beside him. "Kriem was right - I'm going to be tormented by my past for the rest of my life!"

Kotetsu didn't know what to say, but he didn't believe that. Not one bit. They'd figure this out - the two of them could do anything together. The key word being _together_. If he retired, Barnaby would be left to go through this all alone, just like the twenty years before he'd come into Kotetsu's life. Maybe with the same results. Come to think of it, faced with the prospect of doing it all over again, no wonder Barnaby was so upset.

But there was no way Kotetsu was going to let Barnaby spend another twenty years agonizing over his parents' murder alone. Absolutely no way. Finally, he stood, his voice firm. "I've made up my mind," he told Barnaby. "I'll stick with you until you sort this problem out."

"...What?" Barnaby murmured, looking up in surprise. The look on his face told Kotetsu all he needed to know. Kotetsu knew very well that his family was more gracious than he deserved; they would always accept him and stand by him. Family was like that. After his parents' death, Barnaby had never had anyone like that at all, until he'd come along, so it was no wonder he could hardly believe it.

Kotetsu gave him a smile. "As your partner, it's my duty to support you in times like these."

"Kotetsu..." Barnaby didn't say anything more, just stared up shakily, tears still streaming down his cheeks.

People were already eyeing them strangely, so Kotetsu couldn't just bend down and give Barnaby a hug and a good snuggle. Instead, maybe he could snap Barnaby out of it with a laugh. "I sounded really cool just now, huh?"

Barnaby was supposed to laugh, or be annoyed. Collapsing wasn't one of the outcomes Kotetsu had expected, and he probably looked _really_ uncool as he panicked, kneeling down again and gathering Barnaby into his arms, trying to get a response. After the initial shock wore off, though, it looked like Barnaby had just passed out. Hardly a surprise, given the night he'd had and the strain he was under.

More surprising was the way Kotetsu felt, looking down at Barnaby unconscious in his lap. How protective he felt, how he thought he would have done anything to take this burden from Barnaby. How seeing Barnaby like this just made him want to hold onto Barnaby forever, hold him until all the tears were gone, kiss away the trails they'd left on his face.

...This... wasn't good.

He just sat there, holding Barnaby and considering this new revelation, until someone intervened, asking what was the matter. It was a security guard, and Kotetsu explained that his partner had collapsed - nothing serious, really, just a lot of stress, and he hadn't eaten for awhile either. Occasionally there were medical problems when people were out on the ice or even just shopping, the guard said. He could show them to a quiet room by the rink where Barnaby could be checked over, and lie down for a little while until he felt better. Kotetsu thanked him, and waved off the offer of assistance; it was too bad Barnaby wasn't awake to be teased about Kotetsu carrying _him_ like a princess.

Once Barnaby was on one of the cots, with boots and jacket off and glasses folded next to the pillow, Kotetsu apologized to the nurse on duty for the inconvenience - Barnaby would be fine. And when she was gone, Kotetsu turned back to look at Barnaby again, worrying his hat in his hands at the stricken look on Barnaby's face even in sleep.

It wasn't just sympathy, Kotetsu was pretty sure. Not just a typical friendly sort of affection, either. Not anymore. When Barnaby had collapsed, Kotetsu had felt a stab of apprehension in his heart that he'd felt before - when the doctor had come back to Tomoe's room, looking at them both with a somber expression, and telling them the results had come back. And when Tomoe had started to cry, holding back the tears until the doctor had gone and left the two of them alone to digest the news, Kotetsu had held her tight, whispered promises that he was going to be there for her. They'd fight it together, he'd be by her side the whole time, no matter what. He'd held her until she cried herself to unconsciousness in his arms, and he'd kissed away the salty trails as if he could take away the helplessness and fear and anger that caused them. He'd kept on holding her even after she'd fallen asleep, because he didn't want to ever let her go. He'd stared at her face while she slept, memorizing every curve and angle and worried line, so he could recall them all with perfect clarity if there came a day - heaven forbid - when she wasn't there.

Kotetsu knew this feeling, because he'd felt it all before. He really _did_ love Barnaby. And that made things... a lot more complicated.

Though he didn't want to turn away, after a minute or so, he did. He had a phone call to make.

\---

Kotetsu wasn't even sure that ideal ending he'd envisioned for the day was what he wanted any more. Most of the plan, sure - jogging Barnaby's memories, settling the matter, Barnaby thanking him and even the mistletoe was all fine. Just... after that. Kotetsu didn't really want to retire in the first place, and now he wasn't sure he wanted to break up with Barnaby, either.

...He _wasn't sure_. Right. No, he _was_ sure, that he _didn't_ want to break up with Barnaby. What a mess he'd gotten himself into.

And regardless of his relationship status, he was retiring. He had to, he'd promised. And he was sick and tired of breaking his promises to Kaede. His mom might be able to explain to Kaede, since she wouldn't listen to him anymore. He just needed to make her see that he _was_ going to retire, but there was something important he needed to take care of first. And if he didn't see that it was taken care of, then he'd never be able to forgive himself. But as soon as it _was_ taken care of, he'd be coming home. That at least would buy him a little time to figure out what to do about the rest, as well as making sure Barnaby wasn't left on his own to deal with the current problem and its effects on him.

But then in the middle of explaining to his mom, Kaede grabbed the phone. That had hardly gone as planned. And then, while he was debating whether or not to call back and see if he could finish explaining to his mom, he heard a familiar voice speak up behind him.

"What was that all about?"

Kotetsu turned, and saw Barnaby standing there with a dangerously serious expression.

"Quit being a hero?"

The worst thing Kotetsu could think of to happen... had happened. The look in Barnaby's eyes told him that even if he'd been right about nothing else in this whole thing, he'd been right about how Barnaby would react to finding out secondhand.

"What's this about quitting?" Barnaby demanded. "I want an explanation."

"You see... ummm..." Kotetsu had that speech he'd rehearsed. How did it start? Hard to remember, when the way Barnaby was looking at him made his heart ache like it was about to give out on him.

"Does this have something to do with your daughter's powers awakening?"

"No, it has nothing to do with that..." Although in retrospect, it would have been a good excuse.

Barnaby looked furious. "Then why?"

Kotetsu managed to find at least part of that speech he'd rehearsed, even if he had to pick up kind of in the middle. Barnaby finding out what it was about pre-empted the beginning anyway. He tried to explain about getting older, needing a steadier life, and was about to go into his family wanting him closer - but Barnaby's expression was changing from anger to deep, miserable hurt.

Finally Barnaby turned his head away in disgust. "Do you really think that'll fool me?"

Well, Kotetsu had hoped as much.

"Do you want to keep it from me that badly?" Barnaby demanded.

"...What?" Barnaby hadn't figured it out, had he?

When Barnaby looked at him again, it was back to the deep sadness. It was worse than his anger. "Aren't partners supposed to support each other when they're suffering?"

...He was a hypocrite. And a liar. Kotetsu didn't know what to say.

"You don't trust me, do you?" Barnaby asked.

"It's not like that, Bunny," Kotetsu began.

"Were you trying to stop me from quitting because it would make it more difficult to say _you're_ quitting?"

"Well..." It hadn't exactly helped matters.

"You helped me out today to make it easier for you to quit," Barnaby concluded.

"No!" Kotetsu exclaimed. Leave it to Barnaby to assume the worst of everyone.

"That's despicable," Barnaby told him, before he could protest further. "I trusted you."

Trust, Kotetsu thought? Here Barnaby had been talking about _Kotetsu's_ lack of trust, and he was accusing Kotetsu - his partner _and_ his boyfriend - of helping him only for his own selfish reasons?

...But he _didn't_ deserve Barnaby's trust, considering how they'd wound up in a relationship in the first place. He recognized that much.

"Don't bother with me anymore," Barnaby declared. "You can quit whenever you feel like it. I'll carry on by myself," he finished, turning to leave.

This was about as far from Kotetsu's ideal ending as he could possibly get. His heart was in his throat as he went after Barnaby, reaching for his shoulder. "Hey, wait just a minute-"

"I'm all for this!" Barnaby told him, angrily brushing off his hand. "Things will be much easier for me when you're gone."

He didn't mean it. Kotetsu knew it. This was just how Barnaby dealt with being hurt - he lashed out. Kotetsu knew he was afraid of being alone again, but maybe if Barnaby could believe it was by his own choice, then he could accept it. That was what was really going on...

But the echoes of Kotetsu's own fears were reflected in his words. That Barnaby really _didn't_ need him, that he was just dragging him down on the job, that he would just be forgotten after he retired. And the thought of Barnaby being just fine without him, after the afternoon's revelation, was like a knife in his heart. "Hey..." he murmured. "Stop that."

"I tried my best to let you handle things once in a while," Barnaby continued dismissively.

"Hey," Kotetsu tried again, pained. Certain as he was that Barnaby didn't mean it, it still hurt. And maybe he deserved some pain and some disdain, but he could at least have the chance to explain himself first, tell the truth...

"If you retire," Barnaby said with a smile, "things will be much better."

That smile was as cold and cruel and un-Bunny-like as anything Kotetsu had ever seen. It slid in like he was being stabbed by an icicle; he couldn't breathe for all the pain, he just wanted Barnaby to stop saying things like that, stop smiling like that...

It didn't quite register that he'd actually _slapped_ Barnaby until a few seconds after the fact, when his hand was hanging there in the air, palm stinging, and Barnaby lifted a hand to his reddening cheek in disbelief.

As if he hadn't screwed everything up enough already. "Oh... No... Sorry," Kotetsu stammered, holding up his hands in surrender. He hadn't meant to do anything like that, he really hadn't...

If Barnaby had looked hurt, started crying again, maybe Kotetsu could have salvaged it. Acknowledged they were both messed up, he was going to stop arguing and just be honest now - and he would. He really would. He knew the whole situation was his fault, and he wanted to fix it. But instead, as Barnaby ominously turned back to him, he lit up with a blue aura.

"Hey, you're not going to use your power," Kotetsu tried to say. If Barnaby wanted to hit him back, he'd take it, but - "Wait, that's not fair!" Sure, he shouldn't have slapped Barnaby, but taking a blow backed up by the Hundred Power was something else entirely.

But Barnaby didn't hit him at all - he just leapt up into the sky, disappearing into the darkening sky above the plaza.

Kotetsu stared up after him, helpless to do anything else. Even if he could have gone after Barnaby, he shouldn't. Not after what he'd done.

What he'd done... Between the things he'd done intentionally, the things he'd done unintentionally, and his general stupidity leaving him spectacularly unequipped to deal with someone as emotionally fragile as Barnaby was, Kotetsu supposed he deserved this feeling, like the world was dropping out from beneath him. Even if it hadn't been spelled out explicitly, they were through. As partners, obviously, but Kotetsu was pretty sure that after slapping Barnaby that way, there was no way Barnaby was going to want to continue their relationship either. Just when Kotetsu had realized he wanted it...

He had just enough self-control to keep himself upright while he backed up against the railing around the skating rink; it wouldn't do for both of them to collapse in the middle of the plaza in one day. His knees were threatening to give out, though, and as soon as he was out of the way, he let himself sink down to sit, dazed and horrified, as what had happened settled on his shoulders with such a weight he wasn't sure that he would ever be able to get up again.

When he found himself being nudged by a security guard - the same one as earlier, who recognized him and wondered if he needed to lie down like his friend - Kotetsu found that he could stand after all, with some effort, and make his way to the parking lot. He wasn't in any state for driving, though.

Inside his van, he let himself collapse more fully, leaning forward over the steering wheel and squeezing his eyes closed. Not only did he feel like complete hell now, but he deserved it. He deserved every bit of it. He'd had no business trying to make things turn out all right, at least not for himself. No - the worst part of the whole thing was that he'd managed to make Barnaby feel like shit too, when Barnaby was already having a difficult enough time without Kotetsu and his stupid mixed-up feelings and his evasiveness and his fears and his lies that were still lies even if they had the best of intentions behind them and turned out to be the truth. Barnaby had given him exactly what he deserved, because he hadn't given Barnaby what he deserved at all.

He was too drained to cry. Even breathing hurt. But after some time had passed, and he'd concentrated on taking some deep breaths through his mouth, confirming that he _was_ still alive - for some reason - Kotetsu managed to raise his head, propping himself up on the wheel. He couldn't just sit there in the parking lot forever. He just didn't want to go home, to his apartment full of nothing but boxes and memories.

Well, he knew what to do when he didn't want to go home. Not to his usual bar, though - he decided to stop in at the hero-themed bar instead, just because Antonio didn't generally go there. Kotetsu didn't want to have to explain this to him if they ran into each other. The thing with Barnaby, or the fact he was retiring, which he still hadn't told anyone else about either. Great - one more miserable thing he was going to have to do.

At least one problem had been cleared up, he tried to tell himself as he pulled into the parking lot. Barnaby knew he was retiring, and he obviously had no interest in trying to keep the relationship going long-distance. So one of his goals for the day had been accomplished. That was something, right? Of course it had to be the one goal he'd only just realized he didn't actually want to accomplish. Still, nothing holding him back from keeping his promise to Kaede now. Yep, he'd be a great dad to Kaede, starting today.

Or rather, tomorrow, at some point after the hangover had worn off. Tonight, he was letting the rest of the world fend for themselves while he got completely wrecked.

And didn't it just figure that the world would take that as an invitation to twist the knife a little more, by airing Barnaby's latest interview in the bar, starting just as the bartender was getting him his first hard drink? And of course it only followed that Barnaby was talking about him. Not by name, in fact he refused to name names, but Barnaby had this smile that Kotetsu never saw except when it was the two of them together, and he was wearing it then as he talked about this hero he was no match for - someone who was clumsy and did crazy things but always did his best. "I aspire to become someone worthy of his trust," Barnaby told the talk show host, still wearing that smile.

Barnaby didn't need to _become_ worthy. He had been worthy of that trust for a long time, and Kotetsu should have acknowledged that. But he didn't - instead, Kotetsu lied to him and hid things from him and made excuses. Kotetsu cursed himself for being the world's biggest idiot and lifted his glass to his lips, inhaling the aroma of the warmed shochu.

...He lowered it again without tasting it. He couldn't leave Barnaby thinking he didn't trust him. It wasn't too late, he could go and tell him now - tell him the truth, tell him _everything_. Including that Kotetsu loved him, because that too was the truth. He was through hiding things from Barnaby.

Leaving a handful of money on the bar to cover the drinks he hadn't drunk, Kotetsu headed for his van. He'd never been one to give up, and he wasn't going to start now, with something this important.


	6. Chapter 6

Kotetsu had thought the worst was over. It wasn't going to be easy, talking about all this stuff with Barnaby, but at least they'd be moving forward, hopefully getting past it.

That is, if he could get in touch with Barnaby. He wasn't answering his doorbell, or his phone. Kotetsu supposed he should just give Barnaby a little while to calm down, and headed home despite the uneasy feeling that something was really wrong.

That feeling intensified the next morning, when he got to work only to have people start jumping down his throat immediately about Barnaby's wherabouts. (And how did Nathan know they'd had a fight? Sometimes the guy was just plain creepy.) Getting a call from Maverick made Kotetsu worry even more, especially when Maverick described the strange call he'd gotten from Barnaby the night before. He was a little surprised, but maybe he shouldn't have been; Barnaby had said that Mr. Maverick was like a father figure to him. In a way, it was kind of comforting to know that Barnaby did still have someone he felt he could turn to. If things didn't work out...

That comfort was short-lived, though, when Samantha called to ask if she could show him a picture of Barnaby. She made it sound like something was wrong with the picture - which might have meant something was wrong with Barnaby. Other than the obvious. But before he managed to meet with her, there was a terrorist bombing at a shopping mall, which was just about the worst timing Kotetsu could imagine. He didn't even care that his powers weren't lasting as long - he just took care of the situation as quickly as possible and started back.

Only to find Samantha gone - and then when he decided to go see her at home, he stumbled across a _second_ commemorative holiday pin in his van. Since the first he'd found that day had been in Maverick's office, and Barnaby hadn't been in Kotetsu's van since Kotetsu stuck the pin on him, it was pretty obvious something wasn't right. Even _before_ he got to Samantha's house and found a fire burning too high in the fireplace, and no one there.

Less than twenty-four hours later, not only had Kotetsu realized that the worst had most definitely _not_ been over, but he'd had no idea much worse things could possibly get. Samantha had apparently been murdered, he'd been framed for it - and the other heroes were relentlessly tracking him down, appearing to not remember him at all, while some creepy imposter was wearing what seemed to be an upgraded version of his armor. Everything about his life had been turned upside-down; even _Lunatic_ had apparently taken pity on him in his present situation. Kotetsu wasn't sure whether that was a good thing or a bad thing.

Maybe it was the beginning of some good luck when he found a friendly face in Ben, and started putting together a plan - and then just when his plan failed, of all people, _Kaede_ showed up and saved him, apparently able to overturn the brainwashing that his fellow heroes had endured by virtue of accidentally copying the right person's powers. Kotetsu was way too proud to be embarrassed by the fact that his young daughter had saved his ass.

But all of that fell to pieces when he came face to face with Barnaby again - and not only didn't Barnaby remember him, but he was bent on revenge, possibly even more so than when he'd faced Jake. He wouldn't stop, he wouldn't listen to reason, he even fought off the other heroes just to come after Kotetsu. Kotetsu had no choice but to lure him away.

He quickly discovered that even with the recovery of his power suit, he was no match for Barnaby in a fight. Barnaby's suit had been upgraded too, and he had the full five minutes of Hundred Power to work with besides. All Kotetsu could do was try to survive, try to keep Barnaby from actually catching him, while trying desperately to jog his memory. From the place they'd first met to the last time they'd seen each other, nothing gave Barnaby much pause in his rage.

Kotetsu couldn't take it. He had expected, the next time that he and Barnaby saw each other, that Barnaby would still be angry with him. This wasn't _Barnaby's_ anger, though, over something _Kotetsu_ had done - this was some kind of false anger, over something someone else had done. Whatever had happened to Barnaby, it had warped his mind beyond just the memories. He was lacking the control he'd managed to hang onto even in his battle with Jake, willing to kill in his pursuit of what he perceived as justice.

He was within a hair's breadth of killing the man he'd brought bagels and cheap beer to only a few days before, that he'd curled up with in bed, whose shoulder he'd cried on when his memories turned on him - and it was Kotetsu who was crying this time, frustrated and despairing at the loss of his partner. Because this wasn't Barnaby attacking him now; it was a stranger. A madman, wearing Barnaby's armor and his face, speaking with his voice. And there was nothing he could do to bring his Bunny back.

Except, apparently, call him by that nickname.

Just when Kotetsu was expecting Barnaby's foot to shatter his skull with all the force of Saito's latest technology behind it, he heard instead a metallic thud, and dared to open his eyes to find Barnaby standing in front of him, looking puzzled and slightly annoyed.

"My name's not Bunny. ...It's Barnaby!" A pause, then his expression grew more bewildered. "...Huh? Why did I just say that? ...What in the world is going on?" he pondered, looking around as if he had no idea where he was.

Kotetsu could scarcely believe it. "You're... back to normal?"

"Huh? What are you talking about, old man?"

Barnaby hadn't called him that for awhile, but Kotetsu would gladly take it. It was close enough.

"I got offended by the way you called me Bunny-chan," Barnaby explained, regaining a bit of his earlier annoyance beneath the confusion.

 _That_ was the Barnaby he knew - that was his Bunny. "You must really hate that nickname, huh?" Kotetsu asked, a hopeful smile on his face.

"What?"

"Thank goodness," Kotetsu murmured. His Bunny was back. His Bunny... they could talk, he could apologize, he could explain everything. Once Bunny was done being snarky at him. And when Barnaby finally called him by his name again, Kotetsu couldn't control himself any longer - he reached out and gathered Barnaby into a bear-hug, snuggling him and laughing and crying all at once. And as much as Barnaby protested vocally, he didn't push Kotetsu away. Whatever was going on in Barnaby's mind, it was all right, they'd fix it, even if they had to start from scratch.

Of course, considering the last time they'd met, maybe it was just as well that Barnaby's memory was still a little weird. It was starting to come back, though, as they stood there on the bridge. Barnaby remembered what had happened to him, and probably to the rest of the heroes, to make them unable to recognize Kotetsu. That was a little more important than sorting out their relationship, or even their partnership. If Maverick was behind all of this, everyone they'd left behind on the rooftop was in danger - and the hard look in Barnaby's eyes was enough to prove that even his so-called father figure wouldn't be getting a pass.

 _Now_ , Kotetsu thought. Now things were looking up. Because even if their friends - and his daughter - might be in trouble, he was sure that he and Barnaby could handle it. Together, they could handle anything.

As if to prove that this time everything was genuinely starting to get better, they turned at the sound of squealing tires to see Ben and his taxi, ready and eager to take them anywhere they needed to go. Both Kotetsu and Barnaby knew where that was, and Kotetsu thought this was just about perfect. They'd have some time to talk in the back of the cab. He could just imagine the way Ben's eyebrows would shoot up, and the look he'd give them in the rearview mirror, but he understood that business was business, and personal stuff was personal stuff, and Kotetsu's personal stuff was none of his business.

But then things improved even further, when Saito pulled up in one of Apollon's trucks. Forget the personal stuff, Kotetsu decided. They suddenly had more important things to deal with - especially after they received an unexpected call from Maverick.

The ride to Justice Tower was long and tense, and mostly silent aside from the chatter between Ben and Saito, who was pretty talkative now that they could actually hear him. Saito was working on a few last tune-ups, Ben was watching him curiously, and Kotetsu and Barnaby were just sitting. Waiting. And apparently thinking about more than just the inevitable battle ahead of them, because at last Barnaby shifted, speaking up self-consciously. "Kotetsu... I need to apologize."

"You already did, back on the bridge," Kotetsu reminded him - and maybe some teasing would lighten the mood. "Is your memory still giving you trouble?"

Barnaby shook his head. "I remember everything now. Including what happened at the ice skating rink the other day," he said, his voice low enough not to carry. "I said some things I didn't mean."

"Whaaat?" Kotetsu's incredulous exclamation caused Ben and Saito to look up from the monitor at the other end of the trailer. He gave them a sheepish grin and waved it off. Nothing to look at over there. When he spoke again, he spoke more softly. "Bun- I mean, Barnaby, you-"

"Bunny."

"Huh?"

"You can call me Bunny," said Barnaby. "It startled me earlier... but I don't mind. I've gotten used to it." He stared at the floor of the truck. "Maybe I've even started to like it, just because it's you... But I'd understand if you don't want to be that familiar with me anymore."

"What are you talking about?" Kotetsu murmured in disbelief. "I'm the one who messed everything up."

"It's true, you always mess things up," Barnaby agreed. But before Kotetsu could get out more than an exasperated groan, he continued. "You don't do it intentionally, though. You only mess things up by accident, because you don't think them through."

"And I _should_!" Kotetsu hissed, trying to keep his voice down. "You were right, it's all my fault for keeping things from you. _I'm_ the one who needs to apologize."

"And I accept your apology," Barnaby said simply, looking up to meet his eyes. "Will you accept mine?"

Kotetsu thought he might have done anything Barnaby asked. But still... "You didn't do anything to apologize for!"

"Obviously I hurt you," Barnaby pointed out. "You wouldn't have hit me otherwise." Absently, he raised his gloved hand to his face, rubbing at his cheek.

Kotetsu felt even more like an idiot. "...Sorry about that too," he muttered. "Both times."

"I accept that apology too," Barnaby told him, and smiled a little. "Even so... 'the pain of friendship', Kotetsu?"

"Hey..." Kotetsu chuckled. "I thought that sounded cool."

"You think a lot of things sound cool," Barnaby said. "You're usually wrong."

"Gee, thanks." But it had been said in fondness, and Kotetsu glanced at Ben and Saito. Still absorbed in whatever it was Saito was working on, but facing towards them, so Kotetsu contented himself with just slipping an arm around Barnaby's shoulders. "I'm going to tell you the truth from now on," he murmured. "I'll tell you everything. Starting with why I decided to retire."

"Thank you. It still bothers me that you'd keep something like that from me," Barnaby murmured in reply, and his own arm slid around Kotetsu's waist. "I'm guessing it must be complicated."

Kotetsu hesitated, then nodded reluctantly. Parts of it were, anyway.

"Then tell me later," Barnaby suggested. "Whatever it is, if you wanted to hide it, it must be difficult for you to talk about. We have something else difficult to concentrate on right now."

"Suits me fine," Kotetsu sighed. Barnaby was right, they couldn't lose their focus. Kaede was in trouble, and the other heroes too. Everything was depending on them now.

But Barnaby leaned in, resting his head against Kotetsu's, and just that simple gesture made everything seem manageable. No matter what else he'd messed up, no matter that the rest of the world had gone all to hell, he hadn't messed up what he had with Barnaby after all. If they had nothing else to rely on, they could rely on each other, Kotetsu thought, and leaned his head against Barnaby's in return, closing his eyes to relax, just for a moment.


	7. Chapter 7

The moment of peace was short-lived. Kotetsu and Barnaby had no illusions about what they would be walking into. They were essentially at Maverick's mercy, because he could have anything waiting for them at the top of that tower, and they had no choice but to go there anyway. The only reason it wasn't a trap was because they knew _something_ terrible was coming.

And to be honest, Kotetsu couldn't care less about Maverick's reasons for doing what he was doing, or the fact their opponent was an overpowered homicidal robot rather than a real person. There was an opponent, and it stood between him and his daughter. That was all he needed to know.

That, and that Barnaby was with him. Kotetsu didn't hesitate when he saw they had a chance, grabbing the robot and holding it back, urging _Barnaby_ not to hesitate either. Every second they waited was one more second towards whatever his limit was, and he already knew he was close. He didn't know how much longer he was going to be capable of keeping the thing still...

He felt himself weakening just as the flash of light illuminated the entire area, felt the tremendous force crash into him, heard the wall behind him explode outward. It took him a minute to realize he hadn't been blown out with it; he felt like he was floating, like his breath had been taken away. But no, the rubble beside him was stationary, and no matter how much of an effort it took to breathe, it wasn't because the air was getting away from him. He must have been torn up pretty good.

Barnaby's face, when he reached Kotetsu's side, told Kotetsu it was just as bad as he'd imagined, if not worse. Consciousness was elusive, Barnaby ordered him not to talk... but he'd said he'd try to explain everything, and so he tried. He tried, and he kept trying despite the pain and his groggy inability to remember what he was supposed to be explaining, and Barnaby was distracting...

He didn't expect to wake up again, and would have been sort of annoyed that he had - if his last sight had been Barnaby's face so close to his, that would have been all right with him, plus he was dealing with a _whole lot_ of chest pain - except that he was obviously needed. He could pull himself together that long. He could even come up with something cool to say as he shocked everyone by saving the day.

Pulling himself together only lasted that long, though, and no longer. Once everyone was safe, Maverick was in custody, and Kotetsu had declared his intentions to friends and family, he could feel it catching up with him. At the very least, he had some broken ribs to deal with, probably some internal bleeding and a punctured lung. Antonio had heard all of Kotetsu's stories about Kaede, and Kaede had heard a few about Daddy's friend Antonio - so they weren't _entirely_ strangers, and Kotetsu asked Antonio if he could keep an eye on her for just a second. He and Bunny had something to take care of.

As soon as they'd put some distance and a few emergency vehicles between themselves and the rest of the group, Barnaby spoke up before Kotetsu had the chance. "You need medical attention."

"That obvious...?" Kotetsu chuckled weakly, then coughed, letting Barnaby help lower him to the ground as he swayed. "Couldn't let Kaede see how bad off I am. She already thought she lost me once today..."

"She doesn't have to worry about it any more," Barnaby stated, kneeling to carefully lean him back against the side of a police car. "We've got medics on the scene. I'll find someone and bring them back."

"Hey, Bunny..." Kotetsu mumbled. Now that he was down, he had a good vantage point to see the giant gash in Barnaby's leg armor, and the blood dripping from within. "Get someone to take care of your leg, too."

"First things first." Barnaby paused, then leaned in to kiss him lightly. "...I don't know when we're going to be alone together again."

It was true, there was a lot going on. Kotetsu was probably going to need some time in the hospital, and what was he supposed to do with Kaede...? "Hey, speaking of that," he murmured. His consciousness was fading again. "Maybe you could take Kaede to my place... or yours... She's a fan of yours, but she doesn't _know_ you yet, and I think she should. If we're still...?"

Barnaby nodded. "I'm... not really good with kids. But I guess I'd better learn, because yes - we are."

Kotetsu smiled faintly, leaning his head back against the car. "...It'll be easy... She's got y'r pictures everywhere..."

That was the last thing he remembered before waking up in a hospital room, bandages wrapped around him and needles in his arms. At least he wasn't on a bunch of monitors, or oxygen - looked like his prognosis wasn't too bad. So that was good. Also good, at least in a certain sense - Kaede was there waiting for him to wake up. Just after Kotetsu pushed the call button so he could ask someone how he was doing other than _weak and extremely sore_ , she ran in and fell on him for a hug so firm it hurt.

"Oof - h-hey," he managed, turning his instinctive protest into a pained laugh as he hugged her back. "Watch the ribs! They're - well, I think they're broken?" he asked, turning to give a questioning look to the doctor that had entered with Kaede.

"They are, and there's plenty of other internal damage in the area," she said, smiling a little as well despite her business-like demeanor as she checked his blood pressure. "You were lucky not to puncture _both_ lungs, and you still could if you're not careful."

"Ah, well then - honey, let's just hold hands, okay?" Kotetsu suggested to Kaede, who'd already loosened her grip a little. "Especially since you've got my power now - you could squish me like a bug."

"What were you thinking?" Kaede demanded with a severe frown, even though she took his hand as suggested. "Sending me home while you were being taken away in an ambulance? If you'd been really, really hurt, and I couldn't even..."

She bit her lip, obviously torn between her fear for him and her tough girl act. Kotetsu's smile softened. "Kaede... I just didn't want you to worry."

"Well, it didn't work," she snapped. "I was worried about you anyway, and I was right, you _were_ in trouble!"

"Not that much troub- _ow!_ "

Kaede gasped, letting go of his hand in a hurry; she'd suddenly started glowing. "Sorry..." she murmured.

"It's okay, it's okay..." He thought so, anyway, as he shook his hand out. Good thing that _hadn't_ happened while she was hugging him. "So how'd you wind up here, then? Is Barnaby here too?"

"No, but Antonio is," she explained, hanging back a little, looking sheepish. "He's waiting outside."

"Hmmm? I asked Bun- Barnaby to look after you," Kotetsu said, puzzled. At least, he thought he had. "I thought you'd like that..."

"Oh, I did." She brightened a little. "We went back to your apartment, and we saw a box full of magazines you've been in, so we read them together and looked at the pictures. It was really cool!" Her expression darkened again. "Until I asked him what was taking you so long to get home."

Kotetsu supposed that in _this_ case he could be excused for not thinking things through. He'd been semi-conscious at the time. "Heh... sorry. So, you found my collection, huh?"

She nodded, her mouth still a small firm line. "If you let me read them all when we get home, maybe I'll forgive you for trying to trick me."

...Just like her mom. Suddenly Kotetsu wasn't regretting retirement at all - not if it meant spending time with Kaede, seeing her grow into a spitfire of a young lady like Tomoe had been. He laughed quietly, though even that was enough to make him cough. "It's a deal. ...I'd say we should shake on it, but you're still glowing."

That got a small, reluctant smile from her. Kotetsu was starting to think he might have a chance at winning a battle even tougher than the one with that robot.

"You're progressing well," the doctor told him, putting her stethoscope down. "I'd like to keep you one more night for observation, but unless we have some kind of setback, you should be able to go home tomorrow."

"Sounds great." Though where 'home' was, that was kind of up in the air. Most of his stuff was already boxed up, half of it already shipped ahead, and he could use a hand getting around while he was recuperating, rather than staying in his apartment alone. Kaede wasn't strong enough to help him up if he... well, once she touched him, she _would_ be, but still. He wasn't going to leave Sternbild before he'd talked to Barnaby.

Antonio, when he poked his head in a short time later, couldn't provide him with any answers on that front. "I'm not sure what he was up to," he said, scratching his head thoughtfully. "They patched him up on-site, so I don't think he needed more treatment."

"Mmm..." Kotetsu considered. "Maybe it was something to do with Maverick." Law enforcement probably wanted as much information about the situation as they could get, and Barnaby could provide a lot of it.

Antonio's expression grew more serious. "Kotetsu... about Maverick. Something happened last night you're not going to like."

"...Yeah?"

Antonio let out a heavy sigh, and said one word. It was all he needed to say. "Lunatic."

Kotetsu froze, not so much from disbelief or disappointment or a feeling of failure for having been unable to stop it. At least not about the obvious. There were a lot of people who would have said that Lunatic was justified, and very few would mourn this particular loss. Even among the heroes, it was possible that after what they've been through, there might be some who didn't mind.

There was exactly one hero, though, who would likely have more complicated feelings about the matter than simply about the ethics of ending the life of a murderer. Despite all the man had done, Maverick _had_ been one of the few people in Barnaby's life who had actually mattered, someone who Barnaby had trusted enough to go to when even Kotetsu had let him down. "Does Bunny know?" he asked.

"Not sure. He took off right after I showed up to look after Kaede," Antonio said. "I didn't get the call from Agnes until this morning."

Kotetsu's instinctive urge was to find Barnaby right away. In fact, it was surprising that he _hadn't_ been there at the hospital waiting for him, like Kaede and Antonio had been. But Kaede was there, and she'd seen her dad in pretty bad shape over the last couple of days, and saved his butt a couple times too. Kotetsu wasn't going to tell her he needed some privacy to make a phone call _right then_.

Instead, after the doctor had removed some needles and gone, she and Antonio stuck around a while longer, talking about what they'd been through, and what they were planning to do now. Or rather, what Kotetsu was going to do now. Antonio wasn't entirely pleased with the revelation that Kotetsu had been planning on retiring since he'd taken that vacation earlier in the week, and hadn't told him until the night before, when he'd told everyone at once - but he did understand once Kotetsu explained what had been happening to his powers.

He also understood that he was going to be the old man of the group now. "I can't wait to have you calling me every night, crying about how mean the kids are treating you," Kotetsu told him with a grin.

"Oh, I'll call you, all right," Antonio agreed with a grin of his own. "To blow off some steam mocking _you_ \- you're the one who's old and retired. As a matter of fact, looks like they're bringing you your old-man lunch," he remarked, as the door opened and a nurse entered with a covered tray. "From what I remember last time we were in the hospital, you're in for a lot of boiled chicken and jello."

Kotetsu groaned. "I didn't stick around long then, and I'm not going to be sticking around this time either."

Lunch wasn't actually that bad today, though mac and cheese and vanilla pudding wasn't exactly _more_ exciting. Unsurprisingly, Kaede wanted something a little less boring, and Antonio agreed to take her out to look for something. Before they left, though, Kotetsu had a question. "Hey, do you know if they brought my cell phone? I think it was in Saito's truck, so it's kind of a long shot..."

Antonio shook his head. "If they did, I don't know where it wound up. You were wearing your PDA, though - that's gotta be around here somewhere."

Sure enough, a quick look around revealed what was left of Kotetsu's underarmor folded up on a shelf by the window, and his PDA was settled on top of it. Antonio brought it over before he took off with Kaede - and so, instead of eating his boring lunch once he was alone, Kotetsu tried making a call.

After the last couple days, he was almost surprised when he got a quick answer. The picture that popped up was... not as bad as when he'd stopped by Barnaby's apartment the other morning, but the smile was a little forced. "Kotetsu... I see you're doing all right."

"I am now - just woke up. Well, a while ago, but Antonio and Kaede were here. Not who I was expecting."

"A...ah. I was... I thought I might wait there for you too, once I admitted to Kaede where you were... but I... I had something to take care of, so I asked Antonio."

Kotetsu frowned vaguely. Barnaby had plenty of reason to be slightly off, but he wasn't sure where to start. "Well... hope you slept. You had a long couple of days."

"I did. Kind of." Barnaby turned his head just a bit, averting his eyes. "...I got a call, late last night."

"Antonio told me," Kotetsu said quickly. Bunny didn't need to talk about it unless he wanted to. But if he wanted to...

Barnaby nodded. Kotetsu waited a little longer, until Barnaby finally spoke. "I feel like... I'm being pulled in all different directions at once."

Kotetsu could just imagine. "Well, I'm not going to add to that," he told Barnaby lightly. "But if you feel pulled in _my_ direction, the hospital wants to keep me for observation another night. I'd be glad to listen. Or just, y'know, _be_." If he _didn't_ want to talk.

"I... don't know. Right now I don't want to leave the apartment. I don't know if I can take it, if someone recognizes me... I doubt I'll be able to keep up the persona. Not right now."

"Heh..." That was fair. And just like Barnaby, worrying about things like that. "Sorry I can't just come see you instead."

"That's all right," said Barnaby. "I need some time to myself anyway."

Kotetsu wasn't so sure about that. "Do you really?" he asked. "Or is that just you trying to convince yourself?"

That made Barnaby look up, as if startled. His surprise was only momentary, though, before the corners of his mouth turned up in a faint smile. "You're much too nosy."

"And right."

"For a change." The banter made Barnaby seem a little more himself, and even in the small area of the pop-up viewing screen, Kotetsu could see him straighten up. "I suppose we have some things to discuss."

"Yeah, we do, but nothing that needs to be taken care of today," Kotetsu told him. "Are you going to be okay?"

"I don't know," Barnaby said honestly, lowering his eyes. "I don't know if I was ever okay to begin with, Kotetsu."

"You were," Kotetsu told him. "It's the rest of the world around you that's messed up." Barnaby breathed a heavy sigh, but said nothing. Kotetsu hesitated, then made himself grin. "Hey, that sounded kinda wise and mature and stuff, didn't it?"

That got him another little smile, and he went on. "You don't have to talk to anyone if you really don't want to, but if you do? You know where to find me, and I'm not going to have much to do today except lie around in bed. Or the next couple days either, just it'll be a different bed."

"That sounds like a good idea to me," Barnaby admitted. "Apparently everyone wants a quote from us, and they know you're off-limits. I've been pretending to be exhausted just to keep Agnes at bay... but I hardly need to pretend."

Kotetsu chuckled. "We owe her a hell of a press conference later."

"Definitely - but you're right, _much_ later," Barnaby agreed, and paused. "I should come visit. I... I'm sorry," he sighed. "I should have been there when you woke up."

"No, it's all right, you've been through a lot lately."

"And you haven't?" Barnaby shook his head, and looked up to Kotetsu again. "I've had a lot to think about... but regardless of how much thinking I do, I keep thinking that I'd feel a lot better if I could be with you."

"I'm all for that, once you're up to it," Kotetsu remarked. "Unless they've got you on the _good_ pain meds, the kind that won't let you drive."

"No, my injuries weren't that severe," said Barnaby. "...So you're alone now?"

"Right now, yeah, but Antonio and Kaede are just out getting lunch." Kotetsu glanced at his tray. "I should probably eat mine before it gets cold."

"You should - you'll need to build up your strength again. Maybe I can stop by later tonight."

"Okay, I'll be here. Obviously." Kotetsu considered. "I can suggest some stuff for Antonio and Kaede to do if they're still around... but I hope he hasn't gone and told anyone else I'm awake."

"I'd rather visit with just you," Barnaby agreed. "All right... See you then?"

"See you then," Kotetsu said with a nod.

Barnaby smiled a strained, tired smile. "Take care of yourself. ...Bye."

"You too."

When the transmission winked out, Kotetsu frowned. This was by far not the worst off he'd seen Barnaby, but he couldn't help worrying. It seemed like something had been missing from that conversation.

But there wasn't much he could do about it now, and Barnaby had said he'd stop by later, so Kotetsu just grabbed a fork and started in on his lunch. He must have been half starved, because even lukewarm hospital mac and cheese tasted amazing. Antonio and Kaede came back a little while later, having gone out for burgers, and Kotetsu was only a little jealous.

Kaede was hanging onto Kotetsu's keys, apparently, so they could get back into his place; Antonio said he could bring some clothes back later, so Kotetsu had something to wear other than a backless hospital gown or half of his underarmor when they let him out. But they weren't taking off just yet...

Kotetsu's room suddenly got a lot more crowded, when Keith showed up with flowers. Nathan and Karina and Pao-lin all showed up together just afterwards with some more flowers. Nathan was still talking about how they practically had to _drag_ Karina with them, because she didn't want to come visit him _at all_ , and Karina was still blushing furiously for some reason and insisting she just didn't like hospitals, when Ivan showed up with a fruit basket, which quickly got passed around and devoured while everyone chatted away. Two separate times, a nurse came in to tell them to quiet down, but Kotetsu didn't mind all the commotion. It was good to have everyone there.

Well, _almost_ everyone.

Gradually, the others headed out, everyone having plenty of things to attend to in the aftermath of the incident, until it was just Kotetsu saying goodbye to Kaede, who seemed to have calmed down considerably now that she'd seen her dad acting pretty much normal. Antonio told him they'd be by in the morning with his clothes, and then they headed out.

As much as Kotetsu had enjoyed seeing them all, he had to admit it was sort of a relief, and he laid back with a sigh against his pillows. Even if he was recovering, he was, well, _recovering_. Definitely not back up to speed yet, and all the energy in that room had been sort of exhausting. It was going to be dinnertime soon, but he could just close his eyes until then...

The next thing he knew, he was opening his eyes to a dark room, a soft knock on the door having startled him awake. Kotetsu blinked, yawned, and responded groggily. "Yeah...?"

The door opened almost hesitantly at first, then wider. "Sorry - I guess I should have come earlier," Barnaby murmured, stepping inside and closing the door.

"No, no, it's fine," Kotetsu assured him. "If you'd come by earlier, you would've gotten lost in all the noise - everybody else was here. At once. Plus, I didn't mean to really fall asleep... I guess I must've slept through dinner," he muttered, glancing at the clock on the wall.

"Then you must have needed the rest." Fortunately, Barnaby didn't bother offering to leave or anything like that, but neither did he come any further into the room. He just stood there by the door, looking everything over. "...You have flowers."

"Yeah, those are from Keith," Kotetsu explained with a smile, pointing to the relatively normal bouquet of mums and daisies and baby's breath - and then to the more garish pink roses and orange streaked lilies, dusted with silver glitter, that nearly burst out of the other vase. "And these were supposedly from Nathan and the girls, but I think I know who picked them out." Barnaby's guarded expression didn't change, but he made a breathy sound that might have been a chuckle. "Ivan brought a fruit basket too, but since everyone was here, it's long gone... Anyway, come on in, sit down."

Barnaby nodded, and settled down in a chair that had been pulled over against the wall a little ways from the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Not bad... Not perfect, I've got bandages wrapped all around me under this damn robe to prove it." Kotetsu shrugged. "But about as well as can be expected. You?"

Barnaby sighed, leaning forward in the chair to rest his chin in his hands. "Still confused."

Kotetsu had mostly meant the leg wound, but apparently it wasn't severe enough to be foremost on Barnaby's mind. "Not surprising. But hey, I'm glad you decided to stop in and see me."

"Kotetsu..." Barnaby's voice trailed off, and he shook his head. "I kept changing my mind."

Went right along with what he'd said earlier. "About visiting?"

"About everything. I don't know what I'm doing, or what I should be doing. I wanted to come see you, but..." His voice trailed off again.

Kotetsu waited. "...Bunny, it's okay. If you don't want to explain, you don't have to."

"I... I don't. But I do, too. This is so..." He buried his face in his hands for a moment.

"Overwhelming?" Kotetsu suggested. Barnaby nodded. "C'mon over here," Kotetsu told him, beckoning. "You look like you need a hug."

"Kotetsu, I..." When Barnaby looked up, he looked completely torn. "It still doesn't seem like this could possibly be real. Losing Samantha _and_ Mr. Maverick, within just a few days... You're the only one I have left, and there was a point when I thought I'd lost you too. It's... it's childish of me, I know," he admitted, "but it just seems so _unfair_. Everyone I care about or respect... I can't keep them with me, they keep dying, or... I still can't believe, all this time I was looking for my parents' murderer," he said, his voice breaking with his despair. "Most of that time, I wanted to avenge them, I would gladly have seen the killer die... and he was right there. Right there - I was _thanking_ him for all he did for me, and he just _accepted_ it... And I almost killed you, too, because I believed you'd killed Samantha. ...But it was _him_. ...Again."

"Bunny," Kotetsu murmured. He wished Barnaby would get over there and let him hug him already.

"And now that the killer _is_ dead," Barnaby continued, his voice tight and frustrated, "I can't even be glad. He _was_ like a father to me... I see now, it was all a lie, but I believed it. For twenty years, I believed it. How can I just... throw that off and not _mourn_ for him...? But how can I still think of him that way, when..."

Barnaby hung his head, dejected. Kotetsu hesitated; he wanted to say something to make Barnaby feel better, but with all the mixed emotions, he had no idea if there was anything that wouldn't make him feel worse at the same time. "...I don't know," he replied, after a long pause. "Something like that... kind of out of my league, y'know? But I do know this - you're not alone," he told Barnaby, offering a reassuring smile. "You didn't lose me. Come on over here and I'll prove it. I'm right here."

His eyes downcast, Barnaby shook his head. His voice sounded calmer, though, when he spoke - calmer, in the sense that there was no emotion whatsoever in it. "Kotetsu, I'm... scared. Everyone I've ever let in has either been killed, or betrayed me, or both. Except you... but I keep thinking, I don't know how long that's going to last. It seems inevitable I'm going to lose you too. That's why I called Antonio, instead of bringing Kaede here myself... and why I wasn't sure I wanted to come here at all."

Kotetsu sighed. "...Bunny..." he began. "Losing people is a part of life - I know firsthand."

"I know, I'm not the only one," Barnaby said softly.

"But you know what? You're right, it _is_ unfair," Kotetsu told him. "Everything that's happened in your life - it's not normal. Most people don't have to go through that. _I_ haven't gone through that. ...S'why I don't really know what to say. Except I'm still here - and I think I've got a pretty good chance of sticking around for awhile."

"You can't know that."

"Nope, I can't. But think of it like this," Kotetsu reasoned. "We're retiring from being heroes. I dunno what you're planning on doing - and we should talk about that - but for the time being, I'm going back to the country, where it's nice and quiet, and living with my mom and my daughter. It's not like Sternbild out there, there's hardly any crime, and I'm not going to be doing anything dangerous. So the odds of me getting myself killed are going way, way down - and it's not like I'm _that_ old, I'm not one foot in the grave even if I _am_ retiring."

"I know," Barnaby admitted. "But-"

"And I'm not going to betray you, either," Kotetsu told him. "I'm not going to betray you, or abandon you, or anything like that."

"I want to believe that..."

"There's no way it'll happen," Kotetsu insisted. "I know you can't _know_ that, but you'll have to take my word for it. Because _I_ know that."

"There are no guarantees in life," Barnaby murmured. "You _can't_ know that."

"Sure I can," Kotetsu said, and gave him another smile. "I mean, sure, we'll probably disagree sometimes, and maybe misunderstand each other, but then we'll sort things out."

"What if we can't?"

"We will. I'll make sure of that," Kotetsu stated, "because I love you."

Barnaby didn't respond for a moment. Then he looked up to Kotetsu. "...You've never said that before."

"Eh..." Kotetsu chuckled sheepishly. No, he probably hadn't. "Didn't I?"

"I... I kept wondering," Barnaby murmured, his expression a wary sort of disbelief. "I told myself you just weren't the kind of person who says it outright... you've always let your actions speak for you."

"Well, yeah..."

"And I didn't want to seem like I was pressuring you," Barnaby continued, getting to his feet, "so I didn't ask. I just... couldn't help wondering."

Kotetsu tried to shrug, and looked up to Barnaby as Barnaby took the remaining few steps to stand by his bed. "I'm saying it now. I'll say it again, too - I love you." He was perfectly serious, and not self-conscious about at all about saying it now, because it was the absolute truth. He lifted his hand, reaching out to take Barnaby's. "After all we've made it through together, I don't really see a day coming when I _won't_ love you."

Even with the lights still off, Kotetsu could see that Barnaby's eyes looked a little bright, a little watery. He opened his mouth, inhaled like he was about to say something in reply, but then bent down, kissing Kotetsu despite a somewhat awkward angle. Kotetsu smiled into the kiss, raising his free hand to touch Barnaby's cheek. Aside from that little peck by the police car, which was over before he realized it was happening, he hadn't had a chance to kiss Barnaby since he'd realized he was in love, and it was so much better now. No guilt, no shame, just sweetness.

Barnaby's own free hand was on the back of his head, pillowing it and sifting through his hair, until Barnaby drew back slightly, his eyes still closed. "Thank you... I needed to hear it now. I didn't even realize how much I needed to hear it until you said it."

Kotetsu's fond smile turned a little sillier. "...Want me to say it a few more times?"

"I think I got the point," Barnaby said, smiling a little himself as he opened his eyes. "But if you want to, I wouldn't mind."

Kotetsu nodded. "Okay - I love you..." He craned his head to kiss Barnaby's jaw. "...I love you..." He nudged Barnaby's head closer, to kiss his cheek. "...I love you..."

Barnaby laughed softly. "This might be excessive."

"Nope - it was just _exactly_ enough to make you laugh," Kotetsu told him, and returned to what he was doing. "I love you..."

Barnaby's lips found his, and made him stop saying it for a good long time.

When that kiss ended, Barnaby was seated on the side of the bed, turned so he could hold Kotetsu with one arm, prop himself up with the other while Kotetsu embraced him. They were still nose to nose, and smiling. "Thanks," Barnaby murmured. "I feel so much better now."

"Me too," Kotetsu admitted. "I'm glad I finally had the chance to say it." And mean it. It felt indescribably good to be in love again, after so long, when he hadn't believed it would even be possible. But it was as good as he remembered, and well worth the wait.

"I know in my head that just hearing you say it doesn't change anything," Barnaby acknowledged, "and there's still a part of me that wants to run away. But I'm going to try to trust you. I'm not very good at trust, but I'm going to try."

"I'll try not to do anything that would make you think you shouldn't," Kotetsu told him, "but I'm not very good at not doing stupid things."

"I'll make sure I keep that in mind," Barnaby said with another quiet laugh, and kissed him again before growing more serious. "I suppose... there are some other things we should discuss."

"Yeah? As long as you stay right here."

Barnaby nodded slightly, but didn't smile in the least. "Samantha's memorial is going to be Friday... Would you come with me?"

"Of course." Kotetsu squeezed him a little. "I didn't really know her... but hey, did you know that the morning after you went missing, she called me? There was a picture she wanted to show me."

"No, I didn't," Barnaby said thoughtfully. "It must have been the same picture she showed me the night before, the one that started all of this. She found the picture taken in front of the Christmas tree at the shopping plaza twenty-one years ago. But it wasn't Mr. Maverick in the picture - it was her. She was the one who was with me on Christmas Eve, and he altered my memories to make me think it was him."

It was sort of amazing, how much calmer Barnaby was now than he had been earlier, even while talking about this. "So that's how it started..."

"Once he realized I was close to figuring it out, he altered my memories again, and I woke up the next day with no memory of that call or the picture," Barnaby explained. "...Aunt Samantha must have known something was wrong when I never called back, or answered my phone again. So she went to you." He smiled faintly. "If _she_ trusted you to save me, I guess I shouldn't question her judgment."

"It's an honor that your Aunt Samantha thought so highly of me," Kotetsu murmured. "I'll definitely go pay my respects."

There were a lot of details about the whole incident that they hadn't gotten a chance to discuss while it was still going on, and Barnaby stayed for a while longer, so they could finally piece together exactly what had happened. The position they'd wound up in wasn't too comfortable for Barnaby, so eventually Kotetsu scooted over, so Barnaby could half recline on the hospital bed next to him while they talked. Aside from the subject matter, everything was wonderful.

At last, they'd come to something of a pause in the conversation, and Barnaby sighed. "It's getting late."

"I'd say you could stay for the night," Kotetsu remarked, "but I dunno how much the staff would appreciate it."

"The rooms are a little pricey for me to get my own, too," Barnaby added, and reluctantly sat up. "You're going to be discharged in the morning?"

"That's the plan. Antonio and Kaede are coming by to bring me some clothes - he's probably planning to be my ride home, too. But if you want to visit once I'm there..."

"I'll want to," Barnaby said with a nod. "But things might be complicated with Kaede still there. I got the impression you hadn't told her about us."

"She didn't even know I _knew_ you until a couple days ago," Kotetsu said with a chuckle. "She's got enough to sort out right now - I think we should wait for the whole thing to sink in where her dad's been a hero and working as her favorite hero's partner, before we break the news that her favorite hero might just wind up being her other dad someday."

Barnaby squeezed his hand. "I'll leave that decision to you, then. And if I do come by, I'll make sure I behave myself. Actually," he added, as the thought occurred to him, "does Antonio know about us?"

He knew _something_ about them, Kotetsu thought sheepishly. He'd have to pull him aside at some point and give him an update. "He's got some idea, but I don't think he knows the whole story."

"All right. All the more reason for us to behave."

"Unfortunately."

Barnaby raised an eyebrow, and bent down for another kiss before climbing out of the bed. "We can always make up for it later."

"We sure will," Kotetsu agreed. In fact, if he hadn't been in the hospital, injured, he would have been inclined to suggest some _serious_ misbehaving. He'd been attracted to Barnaby longer than he'd been in love with Barnaby, and Barnaby had been waiting an awfully long time for him.

Kotetsu didn't mind the waiting so much anymore, though. Finally, they were both on the same page about their relationship - and it felt so right, he couldn't understand how it had once felt so wrong.

In spite of having missed dinner, the hospital bed not being especially comfortable, and the ongoing pain from his injuries, Kotetsu drifted off to sleep that night with a wide smile on his face.


	8. Chapter 8

Moving house was difficult enough when one was healthy, let alone when one was recovering from injuries. With his broken ribs, weakened lung, and any number of chipped bones and bruises from pelvis to shoulder, Kotetsu wasn't in any shape to do heavy lifting, or stretching up to reach high shelves, or spending time bent over to reach the lower ones. All he could say was that it was a good thing he hadn't sent his bed along yet.

It was also a good thing he had plenty of help. His mother and Muramasa on one end, his second family on the other. Since he and Barnaby had provided Agnes with the best ratings for HeroTV ever - and once Kotetsu was able to be upright long enough, a press conference that Sternbild would be talking about for weeks, what with the announcement of his and Barnaby's retirement despite their recent string of successes - she'd authorized the use of HeroTV resources to give him a hand as he got everything in order. They could spare a truck, so he didn't have to hire one for the big items, or make a bunch of trips back and forth in his van for the smaller ones. She had even brought some stagehands over to help with the packing, but when Kotetsu recognized a couple of her cameramen among them, he shut that down immediately. Her intervention during the Maverick event only got her _so_ much leverage.

Besides, he had plenty of help without her crew. Kaede had stayed a few days before heading back; she still had some school days left before winter break. The other heroes had been willing to lend a hand, and Barnaby had been around some, of course. Not all the time - he was still trying to sort some things out in his mind, and said he needed space. Plus, as the King of Heroes, even after having announced his retirement, he had several appearances on his schedule, and he insisted on keeping them. This, in addition to the interviews that people were demanding of both of them, kept him fairly busy. Everyone was interested to know what they were going to do next. Kotetsu could answer that question easily, if not in precise detail for the sake of his family's privacy, but Barnaby's answers were more vague.

Truth be told, Barnaby didn't know what he was going to do, aside from researching what might remain of Ouroboros. It might have looked like he was back where he started, but Kotetsu knew better - Barnaby had learned there was more to life than quests for vengeance, and was going to try to figure out what exactly that might be for him... with some help from Kotetsu. Even so, he was planning on keeping his apartment in Sternbild for the time being, so as to keep his access to all the resources he'd be using in his search. Proving that it wasn't consuming him as it once had, he'd accepted Kotetsu's invitation to come visit his family for a little while, and help get Kotetsu settled in. It would be a good opportunity to let them in on the secret of their relationship, too.

A few weeks after the incident, Kotetsu's place in Sternbild was all but empty, nothing left but the things he was using every day, and he had healed enough that he'd been handling most of the preparations on his own for a few days. There was one more thing he wanted to take care of now that he was feeling better, though, before he was back in his mother's house.

"I'm at an event tonight, but I can't say that I'm enjoying this sort of thing anymore," Barnaby replied, when Kotetsu finished cleaning the place up and called him to ask. Sure enough, Kotetsu could see he was dressed up, other people faintly visible behind him. "I wouldn't mind an excuse to leave early. Isn't your bed the only big thing left to move, though? Maybe it would be better to leave it for tonight, so you have somewhere to sleep. You're not going to move the truck tonight, are you?"

"Not planning on it," Kotetsu said, somewhat uneasily. He couldn't help being nervous about this.

"It might be better if I showed up tomorrow morning," Barnaby suggested. "You could get a good night's sleep, and then I could help you move the bed onto the truck, and you'd have all day to get to Oriental Town and set up your room. I still have a few obligations to finish next week, but I could join you for the weekend."

"Eh... That's not exactly why I was asking."

Barnaby cocked his head, looking puzzled. "Hmm...?"

"What I mean to say..." Kotetsu was all the more uncertain about saying it when Barnaby was apparently out somewhere with other people. But since his initial excuse wasn't working, he couldn't think of anything else, so he just said it. "Bunny?"

"Yes?"

"...I'm ready."

Barnaby looked thoughtful - and it was obvious when he recognized what Kotetsu was saying, because his eyes widened slightly behind his glasses. "...You are?"

"I have been. With my injuries, it wouldn't have been a good idea," Kotetsu explained. "But I'm doing better now, and... once I'm back home, the walls are kind of thin, you know, Kaede's room is right across from where I'll be..."

"...I see." Barnaby nodded. "That does sound considerably more appealing than what I'm doing now." Kotetsu laughed softly, breathing a sigh of relief. "I think I can excuse myself," Barnaby continued.

"Good... I'll, uh, be here."

"I certainly hope so," Barnaby replied with a little smile. "I'll see you in a few minutes."

"Even better."

Though he'd been planning on having a little longer than a few minutes to prepare. Kotetsu had been trying to figure out how to stage something like this ever since he'd gotten out of the hospital - experience had taught him it was just more enjoyable if two people took their time and really set the mood. It was tough, though, when he was emptying his apartment of more of his belongings with every day that passed, and days just _kept_ passing while he waited for his injuries to heal sufficiently. There was hardly anything left to stage their first time _with_ by this time, though it was one reason he'd kept leaving the bed even after he was in good enough shape that he could have slept on the floor. He'd thought of getting some candles or something, but Barnaby would have gotten suspicious if he came across a bunch of candles while helping him pack and Kotetsu told him not to pack them. The stereo was gone, so no mood music. He had to have at least _something_ to lead into it, though - it was going to be an important night. So he'd gone out that afternoon and bought a bottle of _good_ wine, the kind Barnaby would buy when he bought wine.

Thing is, upon looking in the cupboards, he realized that the other day, Pao-lin had been by and helped him by packing up the dishes. He hadn't told her to leave any, so all that was left was a package of paper cups. And the couch was already gone, so where exactly were they supposed to sit while they drank it anyway? Kotetsu took stock of the situation - and in a flash of inspiration, turned over the wastebasket he'd emptied earlier, and the bucket he'd used while mopping the kitchen floor. ...Okay, no, that was stupid; he turned them back over.

On second thought, the bed was still there. Sitting on the bed was more than fine in this situation.

Thinking about it was making him impatient and anxious all at once, so it was a great relief when the knock came on his door. No point in worrying about it anymore, time to just act. Kotetsu took a deep breath, and answered with a smile. "Hey, that was fast."

"I was right around the corner," Barnaby explained with a smile, looking slightly awkward but pleased.

Kotetsu felt much the same. "Well, uh, come on in."

"Don't mind if I do," Barnaby replied. In addition to slightly awkward, he looked _damn_ hot in that suit. Never mind that Kotetsu had seen him in it plenty of times, he looked good in it, and it was going to be fun to take him out of it... "Hmm, the place looks cleaner than I've ever seen it," Barnaby observed. "Who knew you were so good at housekeeping?"

"Heh, I helped my mom around the house a lot as a kid..." ...And there Kotetsu was in the same old grubby clothes he'd been scrubbing the apartment in all afternoon. Okay, so he hadn't thought this through very well. "Uh, so," he said, scratching his head self-consciously as Barnaby glanced around, probably realizing the same thing he had only a couple of minutes before. "The furniture's gone, except the bed... but if you want to have a seat there, I can pour you a drink," he suggested, heading for the kitchen. "Just realized, I probably should take a shower before... Uh, so you just, uh, sit back and relax."

"Hmm..." Barnaby glanced towards the wine on the counter, and the bed, looking thoughtful. "Now that you mention it, I could use a shower too."

"Oh? Ah, okay," Kotetsu faltered, not having expected that answer. "Tell you what, you go ahead and go first - I'll pour us some drinks. And then you can just relax and get comfortable while I take mine."

"Kotetsu." The corners of Barnaby's mouth turned up in a teasing smile. "Doesn't that seem like a waste of hot water?"

"Nah, it's ohhhhhh. Oh!" Barnaby's meaning occurred to Kotetsu mid-sentence. "Now that you mention it..."

Barnaby's teasing smile turned to a grin as he headed for the bathroom. "Not that I don't appreciate the fact that you got _good_ drinks for us this time."

"They'll be just as good later," Kotetsu agreed, following gladly.

Barnaby was taking his jacket off along the way, and hung it over the towel rack once inside. That left him in a nicely tailored silk shirt, and Kotetsu stepped in at that point. "Lemme give you a hand with that," he offered with a smile.

"If you insist." Barnaby gazed at him for a moment, then brought his hands up to rest on Kotetsu's shoulders as Kotetsu worked on the buttons. "...I've been wanting this so badly, Kotetsu..."

"Me too," Kotetsu admitted. "I just..." He shrugged. "Let's not think about it, okay?"

Barnaby gave him a little nod. "My thoughts exactly. I just want to think about tonight. Right now." As Kotetsu finished the last button, he looked up to find Barnaby looking at him with hypnotic intensity. ...Kotetsu had no idea how he'd managed to hold out so long against those eyes.

But like he'd said - no more holding out. Barnaby's arms settled around his neck, and Kotetsu met his lips halfway. Barnaby's kiss seemed felt just as hungry as he felt, and Barnaby sighed softly against his mouth as he tugged up the loose-fitting tee Kotetsu wore, getting his hands underneath. Kotetsu's hands were already on Barnaby's bare chest, nothing like the softer, smaller female body he had more experience with touching. He explored the firm muscles, the way they rippled under his touch. Especially when Kotetsu rubbed a thumb over one nipple, feeling it harden, and the breath hot on his mouth as Barnaby made a soft, surprised sound. Kotetsu may not have had much experience with other guys, and what he did have was twenty years gone, but he knew what got to _him_. He was looking forward to giving it a try.

Barnaby was backing up towards the wall, drawing Kotetsu along with him, with hands pressing firmly against his back. Kotetsu obliged, kissing more deeply until Barnaby tilted his head back with a moan - leaving his neck exposed. Perfect opportunity for Kotetsu to kiss that too. His hands slid back and down to grasp Barnaby's hips and pull them towards his own, and Barnaby was more than willing, leaning back against the wall for balance. His head rolled to the side under Kotetsu's attentions, and he thrust his hips forward, grinding them again against Kotetsu's and murmuring Kotetsu's name. It was almost everything Kotetsu could have hoped for. Almost.

Barnaby seemed to be thinking the same thing. "Weren't we going to take a shower?" he asked, with a breathy laugh.

"We can get a little dirtier first," Kotetsu mumbled against his neck. "But yeah. Should do something about that." Like move his hands around front to start unbuckling Barnaby's belt, and Barnaby started doing his part by pulling Kotetsu's shirt up. Kotetsu had to stop kissing Barnaby's collarbone if he wanted to get it off, though, so he took the opportunity to take off his watch.

Barnaby did likewise with his glasses, setting them next to Kotetsu's watch on the sink and shrugging off his shirt. Kotetsu just watched him for a moment, absently removing the loose track pants he was wearing while Barnaby slung his shirt over the bar next to his jacket and began to remove his own pants. Barnaby looked more vulnerable for some reason without his glasses - not particularly vulnerable, given the way he was built, but younger, more earnest. Kotetsu had no idea how an old guy had gotten so lucky, that someone like Barnaby would want someone like him.

As Barnaby stepped out of his pants, he seemed to sense Kotetsu staring, and glanced up. "Mmm?"

"Just wanted to look at you for a second," Kotetsu murmured. Without the glasses to hide his face, without the bulky jacket or a bunch of armor, or the dark, form-fitting underarmor that made Barnaby's natural physique look more like a manufactured machine.

Barnaby straightened, giving Kotetsu another teasing smile. "As long as I'm allowed to do the same."

"If you want," Kotetsu chuckled. He didn't think he was that much to look at, but as long as Barnaby was content, it meant his eyes got to linger on that body, those teasing lips, the green eyes that seemed to be staring right into him, all that pale skin, now slightly flushed... Barnaby had stripped down all the way to his underwear so far - and speaking of that, it did nothing to hide the fact that Barnaby was as worked up as he was.

"...Damn..." Now that Kotetsu had noticed, he was getting even more turned on. "Okay, enough looking," he muttered, and turned to slide the shower curtain back.

Behind him, Barnaby laughed softly. "Good - I'd like to use some of my other senses too."

"Let's start with touch," Kotetsu suggested, stepping inside the shower stall and holding out his hand to Barnaby with a smile.

"And taste," Barnaby added, tossing aside the underwear he'd just removed to take the offered hand. It wasn't a very big shower, so when he stepped inside with Kotetsu, he didn't have far to go to kiss him, and it was second-nature for Kotetsu's hips to align with Barnaby's. Kotetsu gasped; it had been _so long_ since he'd felt this, someone else bare and pressed against his body.

This time it was Barnaby who backed Kotetsu against the wall, one knee between Kotetsu's, his cock hard against Kotetsu's hip, but there was still a certain vulnerability to the look in his eyes, an innocent sincerity. "I love you, Kotetsu," he murmured. "I've never felt this way about anyone..."

Kotetsu couldn't... exactly say the same, so he wasn't sure what to say at first. "...I have," he acknowledged. "But it's been a really long time... Never thought I could feel this way again."

Without even looking, Barnaby found his left hand, closing his right hand around it, tracing the band Kotetsu still wore. "It's okay," he whispered. "I'm just glad you can."

Kotetsu smiled at him, and raised their hands so he could kiss Barnaby's knuckles. "Me too."

"I don't want to replace her," Barnaby said. "I couldn't. She was your first love... and she gave you a brave, smart, beautiful daughter, too - that's something I can't do. As long as I can coexist with her memory, that's enough."

"You can," Kotetsu assured him. But enough of that... "...Think we should get started with that shower?" he added, more playfully.

Barnaby nodded. "About time we did."

It had all been nearly too intense for a moment, but with the hot water splashing over them, it was hard not to relax a little. To laugh when the spray caught one of them in the face when they moved, to reach for the soap and use it as an excuse to touch each other everywhere. The intensity wasn't gone, though; Kotetsu couldn't have explained how the sight of Barnaby tossing his head back with a moan became even more compelling when his curls flung water droplets everywhere, but it was.

When Kotetsu slipped and barely caught himself, though, Barnaby sobered quickly; Kotetsu wasn't completely healed yet, he could undo all that progress if he was careless. And that was how Kotetsu wound up sprawled at one end of the tub beneath the showerhead, hot water streaming around him as Barnaby straddled his hips, lowering himself slowly and carefully. Kotetsu couldn't think about the deception that had started the whole thing, or comparisons between who he'd had before and who he was with now, or anything except how hot and tight Barnaby was, and how he might just be the most amazingly beautiful thing Kotetsu had ever seen. The shower's spray was catching Barnaby's hair, little rivulets of water dripping down his cheeks and over his shoulders, his mouth falling open as he rose and fell in the rhythm they quickly found.

Kotetsu was torn between staring at the perfect lines of Barnaby's face and body, and closing his eyes, overwhelmed by everything he was feeling. Keeping his eyes open seemed the wiser option, so that he could take it all in - the precise angle of Barnaby's lifted chin, the way his back arched, the way the chain he was still wearing glinted in the light as it swung forward from his chest, the burn in his eyes when he opened them again to meet Kotetsu's. The expression, halfway between joy and desperation, when Kotetsu wrapped his hand around Barnaby's cock and began to stroke.

Time seemed to have stopped, everything was so vivid in each moment, but then it seemed over suddenly and much too soon, when the soft, desperate way Barnaby murmured his name was the final detail that pushed Kotetsu to the brink. If that hadn't done it, the wide-eyed, wild look he got from Barnaby when he growled, grabbing Barnaby's thighs to ground himself as his hips bucked up one final time... that look would have done it nicely too. No surprise, because Barnaby came just after, closing his eyes and gasping as he leaned forward, taking hold of Kotetsu's shoulders to brace himself.

As their bodies relaxed, they remained as they were, trying to catch their breath as the water pooled around them and the steam curled between them. Kotetsu just stared up at Barnaby, dazed. When Barnaby opened his eyes again, he looked spent too - but also amazed, and a bright, honest smile spread across his face as he looked back at Kotetsu. It was contagious, and Kotetsu found himself grinning back lazily. "Get down here," he murmured, running his hands up Barnaby's sides to pull him closer.

Barnaby didn't object, and even laughed as he came to rest on top of Kotetsu. "Worth the wait," he said, still somewhat breathless.

"Definitely," Kotetsu agreed, and that was the last thing he got to say for awhile, because apparently Barnaby was more interested in kissing him than catching his breath. Even after the kiss, there was little point in talking. Just lying together under the falling water, smiling - that was all either of them wanted to do.

Eventually, though, Barnaby shifted and pushed himself more upright. "We can't just lie here in the bath forever..."

"Don't see why not." Kotetsu scooted back to sit up straight, however, and brushed his wet hair out of his face. "On the other hand, there's wine and a warm bed waiting for us. They're probably getting lonely already."

"That does sound good." Barnaby's eyes still lingered on Kotetsu, which was nice to see, because Kotetsu didn't want to take his eyes off Barnaby either.

There was more relaxed teasing now, scrubbing at each other with the washcloth, light caresses, more careful movement. The urgency was gone for the time being, but the look in Barnaby's eyes when they met Kotetsu's seemed to promise it wasn't gone for good, or even for the night.

Already the energy seemed to be coming back by the time they'd dried off and Kotetsu had found a spare pair of sweatpants that weren't packed yet so Barnaby had something to wear besides his good suit. Not that he was expecting either of them to stay dressed that long... but it was winter, and they weren't going to be drinking under the covers. As Kotetsu had expected, Barnaby found the idea of drinking good wine out of paper cups rather ridiculous - but by this time he was used enough to Kotetsu to be amused rather than annoyed. "You didn't think this through at all, did you?" he asked, sitting down and holding out his cup regardless.

"Hey, I thought it through a lot," Kotetsu protested good-naturedly as he poured. "I guess I just didn't think through every detail."

"It's all right," Barnaby assured him. "It's funny how things have changed... but nowadays, I'd rather be drinking wine from a paper cup with you than at a formal party, drinking it out of a proper glass with a collection of influential socialites. That might be true even if it wasn't good wine, but that cheap beer you like."

"Aw, should've told me sooner," Kotetsu chuckled, settling back against the wall at the head of his bed with his own cup. "I could've saved some money."

"That doesn't mean I'd be just as happy with cheap beer," Barnaby pointed out, scooting up to sit beside him. "Just that I've become used to your usual failings. I find them endearing, especially when it's obvious that you really did put some effort into it."

"It's a good thing I've gotten used to your weird way of giving a guy a compliment," Kotetsu muttered, and raised his cup towards Barnaby. "To, uh... getting used to things, I guess."

"That may be the worst toast I've ever heard," Barnaby teased him, but raised his own cup. "To familiarity."

Kotetsu grinned, and thunked his cup against Barnaby's. "At least you know how to make it sound better."

"Isn't that something partners do?" Barnaby asked. "Complementing each other, making up for each other's weaknesses..."

"Or helping each other get over them," Kotetsu mumbled, taking a gulp of his drink and reaching over to close his free hand over Barnaby's. "Sorry - I've got so many of 'em, I must make your job really hard."

Barnaby laughed gently, and turned his hand to lace his fingers through Kotetsu's. "Even if I _weren't_ just as bad, I've learned to enjoy my work. ...Most of the time."

"Yeah..." Kotetsu smiled, and leaned over to give Barnaby a quick kiss. "You can be exhausting too... but the good times make it worth the bad ones."

"I suppose nothing can be perfect," Barnaby murmured.

"Nah... but even something really messed up can work sometimes."

Barnaby gave Kotetsu an odd, sidelong look. "What do you mean, messed up?"

"Well, we're both kind of messed up, you and I," Kotetsu reasoned. "So together, aren't we sort of doubly messed up?"

"I thought the point of what we were just talking about was that we're stronger together," Barnaby reminded him.

"We are, we definitely are," Kotetsu agreed. "But we're still kind of messed up."

"Fair enough," Barnaby admitted, and took another drink before setting the cup down, only to lean over and slip his arms around Kotetsu's waist. "And I suppose this _is_ an unconventional relationship, considering how we started out."

"You can say that again." Considering how the _relationship_ had started out, in fact. Kotetsu smiled, and finished off his own cup so he could set it aside and run his fingers through Barnaby's damp hair.

"I thought I was never going to be able to stand working with you," Barnaby murmured. "I was angry even looking at you... you seemed so old-fashioned."

"Can't say looking at you was ever a chore," Kotetsu acknowledged cheerfully. "It was listening to you that was obnoxious."

Barnaby laughed a little, and nuzzled against Kotetsu's neck in a way that made it pretty obvious that he was looking forward to round two. "Watch it, old man. I might rethink this if you keep it up."

"Rethink what, exactly?" Kotetsu rumbled, almost a purr, at Barnaby's attention.

"What do you _think_ I'm rethinking?" Barnaby murmured.

"I think you're not rethinking anything at all," Kotetsu chuckled.

"I'm that transparent?"

"Yup."

Barnaby stretched out alongside Kotetsu, placing an arm over his waist. "So I was thinking... if you married your first love, you've never been with a man before."

"Not true."

That got a startled look from Barnaby. "Mm?"

"In the shower, about half an hour ago," Kotetsu pointed out with a smirk.

Barnaby made an exasperated noise, and shoved him away. "If you keep it up, I _am_ going to rethink this."

"Okay okay okay," Kotetsu said in a rush, laughing, leaning over and pulling Barnaby back towards him before he could get too far. "Fine - what are you going to rethink?"

"Well..." Barnaby's exasperation sure did vanish in a hurry; he leaned back in with a sly smile. "I'd thought for the first time, you might appreciate doing something close to what you would be familiar with. But if you're interested in trying something different..."

And that was how Kotetsu wound up, not much later, with his legs in the air, one tossed up over Barnaby's shoulder. He could tell his ass was going to be sore later, but he couldn't care less. He hadn't had the slightest hesitation, between a little experimentation on his own when he was younger and then seeing how much Barnaby seemed to enjoy it earlier, and that instinct was proving correct. Every time Barnaby moved, it was like a jolt of some indescribable power shooting through him, driving him absolutely crazy, to the point of incoherence.

He was still largely incoherent afterwards, when Barnaby carefully withdrew, settling with a sigh at Kotetsu's side and cuddling up against him. "...We could use another shower."

"Nnhh. 'Morrow." Kotetsu wanted nothing more than to just lie there with Barnaby for the night, maybe forever. He moved just enough to get an arm under Barnaby's shoulders and lean into him, and then just enough to kiss the side of his head, which was closest. "...Hope you liked that as much as I did."

"I was hoping the same thing," Barnaby murmured. "So I think we're good."

"Good..." Thought and reason were beginning to return, slowly, and some things that had occurred to Kotetsu independently from one another were starting to come together to form another realization. "...Not that I mind or anything... You _have_ been with guys before, huh?"

"I wasn't lying when I said you're my first love." Barnaby rested his head on Kotetsu's shoulder. "Not my first crush, but those were never reciprocated - and love isn't exactly a requirement, when you're young and just need to take care of a biological urge."

"...Know what you mean," Kotetsu admitted. That was pretty much what he'd expected, and it was sad, but he understood. Maybe it was sad _because_ he understood. "But once you've _had_ love..."

"I don't know if I could go back," Barnaby finished. "But I don't regret it. I did what I needed to do at the time."

Kotetsu squeezed him a little tighter. "Hey, I'm not judging you. Just wondered."

Barnaby's hair brushed Kotetsu's neck as he nodded. "...It's been awhile anyway. It had been even before we got together."

"Sorry I made you wait even longer," Kotetsu mumbled.

"It's all right. It was worth it. Besides, if you hadn't been ready, it wouldn't have been right."

"Well, sorry it took me so long to get it through my head," Kotetsu amended. "...Didn't think I could really feel this way about someone again... don't know why I couldn't see right from the start this was the real thing." Especially while he was lying there exhausted and content with Barnaby next to him, tracing up and down Barnaby's forearm with one hand, idly twirling the ends of Barnaby's hair in the other. How could he have ever thought otherwise?

It was peaceful, and comfortable - even their silence, and Kotetsu didn't usually like silence so much. This silence was comfortable enough that he was reluctant to break it, but after they'd been lying there in silence long enough, there was one more thing that would have made him a little more comfortable, and he scooted up a little to turn and reach for it. Even the creak of the box-springs seemed an intrusion, and he kept his voice low as he asked, "Want a refill?"

"Ah... sure." Barnaby sounded distracted - or maybe half asleep, since his head was still lowered as Kotetsu handed his cup back to him, pouring a little more wine. Probably weren't going to get a round three tonight, then, Kotetsu supposed, but that was fine. Honestly, he wasn't sure he could have lasted.

Barnaby propped himself up and took a good long drink as Kotetsu got himself a refill too. He swirled what was left absently, making Kotetsu smile behind his own cup. He looked deep in thought... How Barnaby could have enough brainpower left to think at all, let alone think deeply, was bewildering. Kotetsu was pretty sure all his brain cells were shot, except for those he was about to put to sleep with the wine.

Which may have explained why he asked. "What'cha thinking about?"

"I, um..."

Strangely enough, Barnaby seemed flustered, turning his head away just slightly. Kotetsu grinned. "Are you embarrassed, Bunny? Something _dirty_ , maybe? That just makes me wanna know even more..."

Barnaby frowned. "No, nothing like that..."

True, that didn't look like an embarrassed frown. More like a frustrated frown. Kotetsu was puzzled. "...Well, if you don't want to say, that's fine... just curious," he said, sitting back against the head of the bed to take another drink. In his opinion, Barnaby thought too much. And Barnaby had been through a lot in recent weeks; he'd said outright even recently that he was having trouble reconciling his conflicting feelings towards Maverick, and the fact that Kotetsu was _really_ the only person he had left now. Probably it wasn't any real surprise if Barnaby was a little confused at the moment.

As for Kotetsu, he didn't have any worry at all at the moment, except maybe a little concern for Barnaby. But Barnaby would sort it out. And if he wanted to talk, he would. Kotetsu just relaxed, sipping at his wine and thinking about the night they'd had. ...Yeah, his ass was definitely sore, but he didn't care one bit.

He'd closed his eyes, after finishing off his cup, and was almost dozing off, when Barnaby spoke up quietly. "Kotetsu..."

"Mmm?" Kotetsu opened his eyes again to peer at Barnaby. ...Still hot, naked, and in his bed. That was nice to open his eyes to.

"I... I'm trying not to be..." Barnaby was clearly struggling with what he was trying to say, and Kotetsu propped himself up again, shaking off the sleepiness to listen. "I don't want to sound like I... like I'm suspicious, or anything."

"Life you've lived, I'd be surprised if you weren't," Kotetsu remarked, resting a hand on Barnaby's knee as Barnaby sat up cross-legged next to him. "It's okay - I don't take it personally."

"I shouldn't be, with you," Barnaby sighed. "I know I shouldn't. But I can't help it."

Kotetsu just caressed the contours of Barnaby's knee and lower thigh, until Barnaby continued. "Kotetsu," he said, and it sounded like he had to force the words out. Or maybe force them to come out slowly. "Feel... what way again?"

"Huh?" Kotetsu had no idea what Barnaby meant.

"Earlier, you said you didn't think you could feel this way about anyone again," Barnaby explained, more quickly. Getting started must have been the hardest part. "Implying that was why it took so long for us to do this. But I thought it was about the sense that you were betraying Tomoe, not about..."

Uh oh. Kotetsu sat up a little straighter. He obviously hadn't been thinking much about what he was saying, or at least how he was saying it.

"I mean," Barnaby was saying, still struggling, still keeping his eyes down. "I mean... it wasn't a question of your feelings for me - or that's what I thought. But then you said that it took you a while to see that this was 'the real thing'... and I don't know how else to take that. Especially when we _were_ talking earlier about being in love, and you said the same thing. I know..." He did look up then, his expression tense. "I know I've jumped to conclusions before. I'm sure I'm just not thinking about this from the right angle."

He didn't look sure of that at all. Kotetsu suspected his own expression was just as uneasy, because he had no quick and easy answer for that. "Bunny..." Maybe he could stall long enough to figure out what he could say that wasn't a lie, but wasn't... well, the truth, either. "Don't worry about it. I love you, okay? And that's not going to change."

"But did it change already?" Barnaby asked him. "When I first told you I loved you, you just said it was all right. Did you actually even love me then? And all this time, you had never said it..."

"Aw, come on..." Kotetsu said, hoping that he sounded incredulous rather than nervous. "Why are you even _asking_ something like that?"

"Because I don't know how else to explain what you just said," Barnaby replied, his voice tight. "Kotetsu, tell me I'm just jumping to conclusions again."

...It would have been so easy to just say yes, he was jumping to conclusions. That Kotetsu had been in love with him from the start, he had just never thought Barnaby felt the same way until he'd said so. But it wouldn't have been easy to explain what he'd just meant, because _he_ was having trouble thinking of any sort of alternate meaning behind what he'd said too. Even if he could think of something, Kotetsu knew he was a lousy liar. His heart was always on his sleeve, especially when it came to the people he really loved. That included Barnaby now.

And Barnaby had heard enough lies in his lifetime, especially from people he trusted and respected. And some even from Kotetsu, which Kotetsu already felt awful about.

He couldn't have escaped it now even if he'd decided otherwise; he'd hesitated for too long. Barnaby's eyes narrowed, his jaw set. "Kotetsu... you're not denying it."

"No, uhm..." Kotetsu shifted to sit cross-legged on the bed as well, facing Barnaby seriously, if awkwardly. "See, Bunny..."

Barnaby's eyes had widened again, to regard Kotetsu with a pained expression. "It's true, isn't it?"

"Listen," Kotetsu began, reaching over to take Barnaby's hand. "You'd been telling me about your life, how you'd been alone through everything. And then you said I made you feel good. And you know, I know you'd never had a chance to try being in a relationship, so it wasn't like you'd know the difference between-"

"So you decided to let the naive new kid use you as a test drive?" Barnaby asked, incredulous, and yanked his hand away angrily. "Was that what you thought you were doing?"

"I didn't want to hurt you!" Kotetsu exclaimed, holding up his hands in surrender. "Life hurt you enough already, I didn't want to make it worse!"

"So instead, you lied to me." Barnaby scoffed, and started to get up. "In order to avoid hurting me, you _deceived_ me."

"I... never _lied_ ," Kotetsu protested, shifting to face Barnaby as he climbed over Kotetsu to get out of bed, and then getting to his feet to follow. "I mean, I never _said_ anything one way or another..."

"Meaning you never told me the truth." Barnaby started off towards the bathroom. "You just let me believe a lie."

"There _wasn't any lie!_ " Kotetsu protested again, as the bathroom door closed between them. "Bunny... Bunny, c'mon, calm down, I never lied to you! Bunny..."

Barnaby wasn't responding. Probably beneath his dignity to argue through a bathroom door. Kotetsu groaned and headed back to at least grab his pants, so he wasn't standing there naked when Barnaby came out to finish this conversation. And in the meantime, he could try to gather his thoughts. Maybe Barnaby would calm down while he was in there. Unless he was really, really upset; Kotetsu knew Barnaby wasn't exactly emotionally stable, and he hoped he wasn't planning to do anything rash... Kotetsu leaned in towards the door again, and was relieved to hear water splashing in the sink. Okay, so Barnaby was cleaning up. Good. That was okay.

Still, Kotetsu wasn't going anywhere, not even sitting down while he waited. Now that he wasn't quite so worried about Barnaby, he was getting pretty damn scared on his own behalf. He and Barnaby had been through so much, and they'd worked things out so far - but how many times could he get away with screwing up and still have Barnaby forgive him? Especially now, over the subject of their relationship itself...

It felt to Kotetsu like he'd been standing there for hours when the door finally opened, and Barnaby came out fully dressed, the suit jacket he'd worn earlier only slightly creased from where he'd left it on the towel bar. As for Barnaby himself, his eyes were cold as he looked at Kotetsu, then turned towards the door. "Bunny," Kotetsu began, trying to step in front of him, only to have Barnaby step aside to get around him. "Listen - I just wanted to make you happy. That was all! It wasn't like I was trying to make fun of you, or anything like that - I liked you! I wanted you to have something go right in your life for once. Maybe I didn't love you _yet_ , but..." Kotetsu stayed in step with Barnaby all the way to the door, when he finally stepped in front of Barnaby again, blocking the door. "Look... I'm sorry," he said earnestly. "I guess it was a stupid thing to do, letting you think I loved you when I really just liked you. But if I hadn't, you would have been hurt, and I wouldn't have wound up falling in love with you for real... So even if the beginning wasn't quite right, at least it ended up okay, didn't it? Even if it wasn't real then, it's real now... isn't that worth something?"

Barnaby just stood there, staring back at him as he spoke. His mouth tightened slightly, tense and angry. "It is, but it doesn't change the reality," he murmured. "The reality is, you led me on."

" _I_ led you on?" Kotetsu couldn't stand it any more. " _You_ led you on!" he exclaimed. "It was _you_ who initiated the whole thing, you who kept kissing me and holding my hand and... and buying furniture, and asking me to dinner... I just didn't stop you from doing whatever you wanted to do! I just wanted you to be happy!"

"Do you know who else just accepted my devotion, time after time, while letting me believe something he knew to be a lie?" Barnaby asked, his voice lowering, and he turned his head away in disgust. "...Maverick."

"B-Bunny..." Kotetsu couldn't believe that Barnaby was even _thinking_ of comparing the two of them. "He was actually trying to make you _believe_ that something was real when it wasn't - I was just waiting for you to realize I wasn't what you wanted."

"Then your plan is finally complete, as of now. You don't have to put up with my silly little crush on you any longer."

"Bunny!"

"Stop calling me that. And get out of my way - I'm leaving."

Kotetsu wanted to refuse. Barnaby had a tendency to go off like a rocket - sometimes literally - when he got an unpleasant surprise, but he'd always calmed down and been able to discuss things rationally eventually. If he could just keep Barnaby there long enough for him to become capable of listening again... But then, maybe Barnaby needed some time to cool off on his own before he could listen. And Kotetsu couldn't exactly just prevent Barnaby from leaving if he wanted to...

Eventually, with a serious, brooding frown, Kotetsu stepped away from the door. His instinct told him not to let Barnaby leave, and his heart was pounding with the fear that this was it - but maybe he'd spent enough time around Barnaby to have some of his rational decision-making rub off a little, because he could at least recognize that a serious fight was not the end of the world, much less the end of a relationship. With him and Barnaby, more like the beginning of a new and better stage, in fact. That made him feel a little better.

...All right, so actually it didn't. His heart was still pounding, his hands were feeling shaky. He sighed deeply. "Get some sleep," he murmured. "We'll talk about it later."

"I don't see that there's anything more to talk about," Barnaby muttered, and slammed the door behind him as he left.

...Well, they'd see about that in the morning. Kotetsu was aware that he'd made yet another big mistake, and this wasn't just a misunderstanding, but... they'd weathered everything else so far, right? Barnaby would cool off, and Kotetsu could explain the whole thing while Barnaby was capable of hearing, and... he at least _thought_ there was a pretty good chance Barnaby would come to see that he was just trying to help. He really hoped so.

Even so, Kotetsu slid down the wall beside the door, sinking his head into his hands. Somehow one of the best nights in his life had turned into a pretty lousy one, and he had only himself to blame. Himself, and maybe Maverick in a sense, for setting such a terrible precedent for Barnaby's relationships with other people - but mostly just himself.

But if he'd had it to do all over again, Kotetsu didn't know that he would have done it differently. Not if it meant missing out on what he and Barnaby had become.

The sound of Barnaby's car starting outside broke the quiet, and Kotetsu remained as he was, crumpled on the floor against the wall, as he listened to it disappear, becoming just another part in the ever-present hum of city traffic.

There was no way he was going to leave it at that.


	9. Chapter 9

The whole thing threw off not only Kotetsu's night, but moving day as well. His original plan had been to get up at dawn - moving back to the country, with no more late nights chasing criminals across the cityscape, he was going to have to get used to getting up early again - calling someone for a hand getting the last stuff in the truck, turning in his PDA and ID cards and so on, then having a driver take the truck while he took his van. That had changed to hopefully having Barnaby there in the morning to help get the bed on the truck, but otherwise business as usual.

Now, though, things were a little more complicated. Kotetsu didn't want to leave Sternbild without trying to make up with Barnaby, and he didn't want to show up at Barnaby's apartment too early - that might just be a good way to piss him off more. And if Barnaby didn't wind up helping him, then he'd need to call someone else for a hand with the bed. The most likely prospect was probably sleeping in, since the morning news was recapping a HeroTV story that had apparently happened last night while Kotetsu and Barnaby had been lounging around in bed - which meant Kotetsu had some time to think about his angle.

One advantage he had, he supposed, was that he'd been in a relationship before. Though he and Tomoe had been as perfect for each other as any two people could be, as far as he could tell, they were both imperfect people overall. They'd had their misunderstandings. They'd cleared up their misunderstandings, too, with some effort. It took a lot more than bringing home flowers to really fix things, Kotetsu knew that much.

But flowers never hurt, either. Once it was late enough in the morning, he stopped by a florist on the way.

No answer when he rang Barnaby's bell. He waited a little, then tried again. Still nothing, so he pulled out his phone. No answer there either. Since he still had his PDA...

That got a response, but audio only. "Aren't you supposed to be on your way home?"

Wasn't too promising, but Kotetsu was determined. Plus, Barnaby sounded even more tired than he did prickly. "Nah, I'm right outside your apartment."

"I know. I'm inside my apartment, wishing you would go away. Please do."

"Bun- Barnaby!" Kotetsu said in a rush. "Don't hang up - please! I want to talk to you."

"Be that as it may, I don't want to talk to you. Or see you. Or hear your voice." There was a moment's hesitation, and Kotetsu was too busy trying to find a response through the sudden panic to take advantage of it before Barnaby spoke again. "I need some time to think this through by myself, Kotetsu. I understand that you didn't mean to hurt me, but you did."

At least he was calmer this morning, not automatically running to the worst possible scenario. Kotetsu supposed that was something. "...I guess that means you're not gonna join me out at the old family homestead this weekend, huh..."

No response. In retrospect, dumb question, Kotetsu had to admit. "Okay, well... just so you know, if you change your mind, about talking or coming out there, you're always welcome. And, uh, I brought you some flowers..."

"Do you really think _flowers_ are going to make up for this?"

"No," Kotetsu said quickly. "But they're for you anyway. ...I'll just... leave 'em by the door, I guess. Okay?"

"Whatever," Barnaby muttered. "Just go. Listening to your voice is making me angry all over again."

That was the last thing Kotetsu wanted. "Okay... setting them down, then," he said, laying them right in front of the door, "and now I'm going to take off." He was tempted not to, to stick around and see if Barnaby opened the door once he thought Kotetsu was gone, but that would be _another_ lie Kotetsu would have to defend himself for again, if a relatively small one. "Listen, Barnaby, while you're thinking about it... please remember that here and now? I love you. I don't want this to be the end of us."

Kotetsu wasn't sure what kind of response he'd been hoping for, but it wasn't the beep and disconnection message. ...He'd said he was going to go, so he supposed he'd better.

So then, on to headquarters. He didn't really feel like talking to any of the others - or anyone at all but Barnaby - but he did need to turn in his stuff, and see about someone to drive that truck. Agnes was happy to make the call. "HeroTV owes you a great deal," she told him, accepting his PDA, his locker keys - and not his ID card. That, she said he should keep. "For ten years of ratings, whether you were doing well or so poorly that people were watching because it was laughable..."

"Thank you! And again, thank you!"

"Thanks... kind of." Kotetsu should have known that Keith would be there to see him off.

And the rest of the heroes were there too, since it was late enough now that everyone was up - and the weekend, so the youngest weren't in school. There was a lot of exclaiming, and a little smiling beneath sad eyes, and some hugging... and a surprise kiss from Nathan. "To make sure you come back and visit us sometime, all right?"

"I'd do that even if you didn't put out," Kotetsu told him cheerfully - and actually did feel a little more cheerful.

There was a nudge on his shoulder, and Kotetsu glanced over to see Antonio holding out a twenty. "In that case, I'll give you this now."

"Hey, you finally remembered!" Kotetsu grinned and pocketed it.

"Only so you can buy me a drink when you get back here," Antonio assured him. "I mean, think about who I'm going to be stuck drinking with now that you're leaving."

"Hah - that makes me want to stick around and watch," Kotetsu told him. "But hey, can I ask a favor?"

"And I just gave you money..."

"If you want a drink, come visit me instead," Kotetsu suggested. "I told you what my brother's doing, right...?"

Joking aside, Antonio was available and willing to lend Kotetsu a hand with the bed. He was also privy to enough of Kotetsu's personal secrets to ask an uncomfortable question while they did so. "So hey - whatever happened with you and Barnaby, playing like you were his boyfriend?"

The last thing Antonio had heard, that had been a pretty accurate way of describing the situation, but hearing it put so bluntly now made Kotetsu slump a little, leaning on the side of the upended mattress. It didn't escape Antonio's notice. "I take it he wasn't into the long-distance relationship thing. ...Or maybe that he _was_."

"We kinda had a talk about it," Kotetsu acknowledged. If he was vague enough, he could even be honest. "He... wasn't too happy with me."

"Mm." Antonio nodded thoughtfully. "One less thing to worry about though, right?"

"Yeah, I guess." But he was obviously not happy about it, so he shrugged and offered the only excuse that would have made sense. "Hoping he comes around, and we can at least still be friends."

"Yeah... We all got to know the kid a little," Antonio remarked, "but he didn't open up to the rest of us much. I think you're the only real friend he's had."

And that was one reason this hurt so much, knowing Barnaby was alone again. Kotetsu wasn't sure he could be content with being just friends again, but it would be better than nothing, especially for Barnaby.

Once they'd wrangled Kotetsu's bed onto the truck - which could have held at least two apartments' worth of furnishings, so that was easy enough - Kotetsu and Antonio said their goodbyes in their usual insulting fashion, punctuated by a couple punches in the arm, and then it was time to go. Kotetsu took one last sweep through his old place, devoid of the pictures and albums and half-emptied bottles and everything else that had made it his. It already looked foreign, and Kotetsu would have expected more regret than he actually felt. Maybe all his regret was used up elsewhere, none left over for housing. He left the keys on the counter, and closed up behind him.

Naturally, his mom called while he was on the road. "Where are you? I thought you'd be here by now."

"Sorry, something came up last night I had to deal with."

"Kotetsu..."

"No, no, I'm on my way now!" Kotetsu assured her, hearing the tone of her voice. "Really, I am. Over the bridge and on the highway now. Can't you hear the traffic?"

"I could hear traffic anytime you call me from anywhere in the city," his mom pointed out. "But good, I'm glad you're on your way. If I had to tell Kaede one more time that you were postponing it..."

"You don't, I promise. Hey, I almost _died_ working my way back onto her good side," Kotetsu pointed out. "No way do I want to have to do that again."

All the damage that had been done was worth it, though, when he pulled up to the family home, the truck right behind him, and saw Kaede watching through the window. "You're here, you're _really here!_ " she exclaimed, running out to meet him, and he caught her up in his arms, spinning her - and she let him.

The guest room had already been emptied out to make way, and Muramasa had done half his deliveries for the day yesterday instead, so he'd have time to be there when they unloaded the truck. Even Kaede could help out, though Kotetsu forbid her from using the Hundred Power to help with the heaviest objects. He might not need an apartment's worth of furnishings in his mom's house, and all things considered - the available room, his mom's back, Kaede's familiarity with the place and her bond with her grandma - he probably wasn't going to be getting his own place again. But he didn't want to clean up the wreckage either.

That kept them busy right up through dinnertime, and it wasn't until then, watching Kaede set the table without complaint, that Kotetsu felt the stinging absence. There should have been one more plate; Barnaby should have been there with him.

Kaede seemed to agree. "So when's Barnaby going to get here?" she asked, coming back to the kitchen.

Kotetsu wasn't sure how much he should say about that. "...He changed his plans," he managed. "He's probably not going to make it out this weekend after all. Maybe some other time."

Kaede tilted her head curiously. "Did you two have another fight?"

"Wha? What makes you think that?" Kotetsu asked, startled. "I mean, we're partners, why would you think we get into fights?"

"Barnaby told me, when we were at your apartment in Sternbild," Kaede said. "He said he understood why I'd been mad at you, because he got mad at you for the same kinds of things." She looked just a little embarrassed. "But then he said he realized you just had a lot to deal with all at once, and everything got out of hand because you were... trying to make everyone else happy, and not yourself."

As usual, Barnaby was right on the money once he had a cool head, embarrassing as it might have been for Kotetsu to have someone saying that to his kid. "Yeah..." he admitted. "I guess that's true... Just hope he remembers that this time too," he muttered under his breath.

Thinking about it kind of killed the cheerful mood Kotetsu had managed to carry through most of the day. Last time he'd come home, Barnaby had seemed very far away, even when Kotetsu had turned on the television and seen him making yet another heroic capture. This time, Kotetsu felt like he was the one who was far away from the family home, from the dinner table, from his family themselves. His thoughts were back in Sternbild. What was Barnaby doing on a Saturday night without Kotetsu? His schedule was clear of any events, so he might just be sitting at home...

Because even if something was going down in Sternbild, Barnaby wasn't going to be called into action. Kotetsu couldn't flip on the TV and see him winking at the camera. Kotetsu decided to head to his room after dinner and try to get his TV and stereo all hooked up and configured regardless.

The Kaburagi home was old enough that it didn't have nearly enough convenient outlets to put things together as neatly as he had in his apartment in Sternbild. Kotetsu was sitting on the floor, stretching a cord across the room in vain, recognizing with dismay that even if it hadn't been in such a position that it could trip someone, it still wouldn't reach - when there was a knock on the door. Muramasa had apparently gotten back from taking care of a few last errands for the night, and opened the door a crack at Kotetsu's grunt. "Want to take a break?"

Kotetsu looked at his brother, the plug in his hand, and the stereo across the room, and then he tossed the plug back in the direction of the stereo. "Why not - I've gotta get some extension cables anyway," he said with a shrug, pushing himself up.

They took Muramasa's van, since he'd be heading home later anyway. "Gotta say," Muramasa remarked, once they were backing out, "I didn't think you'd really do it. Even after you said you'd come back here."

"Hey, I made a promise to Kaede," Kotetsu protested. "You think I'd break it again, after I retired and everything?"

"No, it's not that," Muramasa said. "But this place never quite suited you, somehow."

Fair. Kotetsu had never exactly fit in anywhere, though some places were more familiar than others. "Sometimes familiarity's not a good thing." He thought back to the toast he'd made the night before, which Barnaby had reworded. Sometimes it was.

"So," Muramasa said, turning onto the road that would take them back to what they counted as a town. "Where do you want to go?"

Kotetsu thought for a few seconds. "Back to Sternbild," he admitted.

Muramasa nodded. They wound up at his store instead, of course.

"You never fit in any better there than you did here," Muramasa observed, when Kotetsu had a drink in hand. "You're just not the big city type, even if you did get your face plastered all over the television for ten years."

"Not really," Kotetsu acknowledged, staring down into his drink. "Everything's so big and complicated... everybody trying to make everything into more than it is... But you get used to it. If you break stuff down into little chunks, just focus on what's important, it's not so overwhelming, and it gets to be..."

There was a clank, and Kotetsu looked over to see Muramasa consolidating some bottles from half-empty crates into a single one. Didn't look like he was listening, but Kotetsu knew better. "...Familiar," he finished.

"You left someone behind, didn't you?"

"Eh...?" Not that Muramasa was wrong. "How'd you get that one?"

"Oh, just little things here and there." Apparently Muramasa wanted to keep his own secrets, just not Kotetsu's. "Been a while since you had woman troubles."

"...Heh." At least there were some things Muramasa couldn't puzzle out.

"She'd want you to be happy," Muramasa continued. "You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I... knew that for awhile before this happened," Kotetsu acknowledged. "Just didn't think it was going to work out that way."

"Good - so you didn't go and do something stupid like breaking it off just because you were moving back here," Muramasa surmised.

"No way," Kotetsu replied. "I thought we really had something. Maybe we still do," he added. "Need some time to think stuff through right now... but I'm hoping we can sort it out."

"Sounds promising." Muramasa set the now-emptied crates in the corner, and came to lean on the counter next to Kotetsu. "So tell me about her."

"Uh..." Kotetsu wasn't entirely sure how to break it to his brother that 'she' was a 'he'.

"Coworker?" Muramasa prompted.

"Yep - well, former coworker," Kotetsu amended, lifting his glass again.

"That's what I figured," said Muramasa. "Is it the one that's half your age, or the one that's a third your age?"

Kotetsu sputtered, spitting his drink all over the counter. "What?!"

"Those are the only heroines at the moment. You think we don't watch television out here?"

"You claimed you hated all that sensationalist... What do you take me for?" Kotetsu interrupted himself. "I'm not..."

He caught himself, though. Muramasa might have been straight-faced, but he was _good_ at that. "You obnoxious bastard," Kotetsu muttered, catching the towel his brother flipped in his direction. "You already figured it out, didn't you?"

"I watched that press conference... You look at him the same way you used to look at Tomoe."

Kotetsu chuckled, swiping the towel over the counter. "So it's not just me."

"All the stuff you've said in interviews about how he challenges you and pushes you to do better makes a whole lot more sense now. Tomoe did the same thing."

"Don't get me wrong, I don't think of him as another version of the same person or anything," said Kotetsu. "They've got some things in common, but there's a lot that's completely different, too."

"Like the plumbing?"

"Heh." At least his ass had stopped hurting... or maybe the rest of him just hurt enough from all the heavy lifting that he had stopped noticing it. Either way, it had been weird feeling the aftermath of something that good while dealing with the aftermath of something so bad. "Can't help but notice you don't seem surprised."

"It's not that I'm not surprised so much as that I don't care," Muramasa said. "None of my business. If he can bring back some of the happiness you knew with Tomoe, then I'm all in favor."

"Hm. Thanks." Kotetsu started to take another drink, then paused for a second - he was sure Muramasa had timed that comment earlier just so on purpose. No other absurd comments, though, so Kotetsu took that drink. "...Can't say for sure if it's gonna go anywhere now, though. I messed things up pretty good."

"What did you do?"

"Long story." Kotetsu didn't know how he could even summarize without explaining exactly what had happened. "I... guess you could say I wasn't entirely honest with him."

"Well, there you go."

"I know, I know," Kotetsu sighed. "It wasn't a good way to get things done, but I never expected us to get that serious. I know better now, though - just hope he'll give me a chance to prove it."

"Not a subject I know that much about," Muramasa admitted. "But I do know you. If it's at all possible he can give you a chance, you won't stop until he has."

"That's the plan," said Kotetsu with a nod. "I talked to him before I left, and he wants some time to himself to think. I figure I'll give him a call next week."

"Gives you some time to readjust to being back here, too."

"Yeah... I was looking forward to showing him around, though." Kotetsu paused for another drink, and made himself lighten up. It wasn't decided yet. "Maybe I'll get to show him around in a couple weeks."

"There you go." Muramasa actually cracked a smile. "Hope it works - Mom worries about you, you know. She could use some good news."

"Hey, now that I'm out of the hero business, she doesn't have to worry about me winding up in the hospital again," Kotetsu pointed out.

"That's not all she worries about," Muramasa said, sobering. "You haven't mentioned even dating anyone since Tomoe."

"Didn't mention Bunny, either," Kotetsu muttered. "But okay, it's true - I hadn't been dating. Till now." In fact, he hadn't really considered himself as dating Barnaby until a few weeks back.

"...Bunny?"

Kotetsu looked up at the question, and at least there was some amusement to be found in his brother's expression. "Ah, yeah, Barnaby. Sorta a pet name... kind of."

"No wonder he doesn't want to talk to you."

Kotetsu casually smacked Muramasa with the back of his hand, and went back to his drink. Even without Barnaby there, with everything so messed up and confusing and a head full of less than pleasant memories, it _was_ kind of nice to be coming home.

\---

Kotetsu had plenty to keep busy with over the weekend, between the physical act of moving and the less obvious aspects of returning to a place he'd once known better. A drive around the area showed him not much had changed, the shops and services being mostly small, family-owned businesses rather than interchangeable big box stores and franchises - but after living for so long in Sternbild, where just about anything one could need or want was available nearby at any hour, the same old hours and inventories seemed strangely lacking. There were things to do around his mom's house that no one ever had to do around a house in Sternbild, like mowing the lawn and weeding the garden.

And of course there was spending time with Kaede, telling her about all the things he hadn't been able to tell her about for her entire life. He wasn't going to give away any of the other heroes' secrets - well, he wouldn't name names, anyway - but he could tell her about his childhood run-in with Legend, what it was like behind the scenes, how sometimes the "TV" part of HeroTV got in the way of the "Hero" part, and how the competitors were supposed to be rivals, but depended on each other just as much. Most of them had understood that, anyway...

And when Kaede asked if her mom had known, Kotetsu could tell her all about how Tomoe had been the one who came up with his hero name, how she'd supported him all the way and made him promise to be a hero no matter what... and that maybe he could've found a better way to keep that promise than to leave his little girl and go off to live by himself in the city, but he was kind of an idiot without Tomoe there to tell him what to do, and he really didn't know _what_ he was doing. Kaede was a little too big to sit in his lap now, he supposed, but she did lean in and let him hug her tight for awhile, and even if he didn't hear an apology or anything (which he knew he didn't deserve, even if he _was_ feeling sorry for himself at the moment), he was pretty sure he heard a sniffle.

What he couldn't tell her, or at least shouldn't, was that the lost, lonely feeling hadn't really left until the executives had dumped a partner in his lap unexpectedly. How Barnaby had helped him come to realize some things that were missing in his life without really trying, and in a roundabout way made him even more determined to do better by Kaede - because it was pretty clear how messed up Barnaby was, growing up without his parents. Barnaby had made him think and feel things he not only hadn't expected to think or feel again, but that he'd forgotten he _could_ think or feel.

Even if Kotetsu had plenty to do, his thoughts had plenty of room to wander, and they kept winding up right back at the same place every time. And that was strange, here; the second night, he woke up from a dream and couldn't get back to sleep thanks to the ache in his heart. It was Barnaby's memory driving him mad as he lay there listening to the creak and groan of the old home in a silence that seemed uncanny after the constant noise of Sternbild. When he rolled over restlessly, it was Tomoe's picture that smiled out at him in the dim light, and that added a whole other layer of ache.

That was something else he could do. He visited her grave, left flowers - and tried not to think about leaving flowers outside Barnaby's door. Kotetsu wished Tomoe were there now, to hold him and comfort him and tell him bluntly what _not_ to do, how to avoid screwing things over even more as he tried to fix them... In other words, he wished his wife was there to help him mend his relationship with his boyfriend, and he had to admit that that line of thinking might have been just a little messed up.

...Well, the weekend was over. He'd given Barnaby a couple of days to think about things. But he didn't want to push too hard, and he was kind of hoping that maybe Barnaby would pick up the phone first, after his last scheduled appearance Wednesday morning on a talk show.

No such luck. Kotetsu debated whether or not to watch that appearance, and eventually decided he might as well, just to see how he reacted to seeing Barnaby from a distance. Not well, as it turned out; seeing Barnaby smile and wave pleasantly as he walked out on that stage as if nothing was wrong made Kotetsu's heart feel like someone was squeezing it in their fist.

A closer examination during the rest of the interview, though, offered a little more insight. Although Barnaby still seemed relaxed and fairly upbeat, it was the same way he'd seemed relaxed and upbeat in the early months of his hero career, just a charming persona he put on and took off like a coat. Barnaby was good at that public face of his... but this time, not quite good enough to fool Kotetsu, who spotted the droop in his shoulders, the unfocused look to Barnaby's usually sharp eyes. He was even noticeably distracted at one point, when the host had to repeat a question - and she observed that never seemed to happen. Barnaby just gave her a quiet laugh, and said that with it being his last official act as a hero, a lot of things were going through his mind. None of them he named on the air had anything to do with Kotetsu - and he didn't mention anything at all about his partner or that "mysterious" hero he respected in this interview - but Kotetsu wasn't sure. It was possible Barnaby was only weary and depressed about leaving the hero business, but he didn't think it was likely.

Though Barnaby's retirement was official as soon as he finished that interview, Kotetsu didn't get a call. It was possible Barnaby needed some more time... Someone had to make the first move, though, and it was probably Kotetsu's turn, since he was the one who'd messed everything up. He waited until afternoon, while Kaede was still at school and his mom was out tending her garden, and kept an eye out while he made the call, just in case.

Not that he had to worry about being overheard, since there was no answer. He'd called Barnaby's apartment first, but given the time of day, it wasn't unreasonable Barnaby would be out, maybe at the training facilities... er, not anymore. He could be out doing something, though. Kotetsu tried his cell phone, and still got no answer.

This time, though, he left a message. "Hey, it's me... Saw you on the TV this morning, guess you're officially a retiree now too, huh? Uh, just wondering if you've thought things through enough to talk yet. If not, I mean, that's okay, just... I miss you. So give me a call. If you want. Uh, bye."

Yeah, real smooth, Kaburagi, he thought to himself as he hung up. But Barnaby had seen him do worse things than leave awkward voicemail.

He figured he'd get a call back in the evening, when Barnaby got done with whatever he'd spent the day doing, but the call never came. Not that night, or the next night.

Kotetsu tried again on Friday - with the weekend coming up, surely Barnaby would have a few minutes free.

Again there was no answer, and again he left a message. "Hey, me again. So... I know I must be bugging you, but the thing is, I can't stop wondering. Where we stand, I mean... I don't know if you're not calling back because you need more time to think, or because you've decided you never want to... Well, you know, I'd rather know..." Which was kind of what Barnaby was upset with him about, and that made him a hypocrite, but at least Kotetsu was getting a taste of his own medicine - and he was well aware it tasted awful. "So drop me a line sometime. We don't have to talk for long, if you don't want to. Just..." He'd already said it. Kotetsu sighed. "Anyway, talk to you later. I hope."

Since it was the weekend, Kaede was at home more, and Kotetsu had plenty of things he wanted to catch up on when it came to her. Not so many that he didn't notice that the entire weekend passed without him getting a call back.

The message he left on Monday was more direct. "Hey, Bunny... give me a break here. If you're trying to make me sweat, then mission accomplished, okay? I guess I don't deserve any mercy from you, but it'd be really nice. If you want me to go to hell, just say so. ...For you I would, you know. Bye..."

On Wednesday he called Antonio instead, just to make sure his phone was even working right. They messed with each other for awhile, and Antonio said he hadn't heard from Barnaby or seen him around since after that last talk show he'd done. He'd turned in his stuff like Kotetsu had done, showed moderate surprise that everyone had come out to say goodbye to him, and then taken off. Keith had asked, but Barnaby had said he didn't really have anything in mind to do next; he was just going to take it easy for awhile and think about what he wanted. Which lined up pretty well with what he'd said to Kotetsu the last time they'd talked, so nothing unusual there.

Kotetsu considered calling Barnaby when he got off the phone with Antonio. Maybe he really was bugging Barnaby, though. He'd try going a little longer between calls. He managed to stop himself from calling Friday, too, and tried unsuccessfully to find enough stuff to do over the weekend to keep himself distracted.

On Monday, Kotetsu had been good for a whole week. Plus, he had a reason to call besides just wondering whether or not Barnaby hated his guts. "Bunny... I'm getting kind of worried about you. If you want to call and yell at me for bugging you with all these phone calls, that's fine, just as long as you call. Please?"

By that time, Kotetsu wasn't _surprised_ that he didn't get a call back that night, but he was a lot more concerned. He'd seen Barnaby pissed off plenty of times before. Barnaby didn't waste time _ignoring_ someone who was annoying him. Maybe Kotetsu was getting special treatment, but if so, it didn't make him feel very special.

The next day, he called Apollon's offices. Lloyds confirmed what Antonio had said the week before - Barnaby had turned in his things after the interview, said goodbye to everyone, and he hadn't been back since. When Kotetsu's cell went off again, a couple hours later, he grabbed for it so fast he wound up dropping it before he could answer, but it was Agnes. After Kotetsu's call, Lloyds had asked her about Barnaby, and she hadn't seen him since that day either. She'd contacted the other heroes out of curiosity, but none of them had heard from Barnaby.

Kotetsu spent the night staring up at the ceiling, remembering how Barnaby had shown up at his door in the middle of the night after they'd taken out Jake and captured Kriem. The way Barnaby had holed up in his apartment after finding out that Jake couldn't have been his parents' murderer. The look on his face when he let Kotetsu in.

Kotetsu tried calling again the next morning, but didn't leave a message this time. He just put his phone away and told his mom he had a little unfinished business to attend to back in Sternbild, and promised he'd call if he wasn't going to be back that night. She looked dubious, and he supposed he deserved that, considering what had happened when he'd gone back long enough to retire.

A few hours later, he was pulling up by Barnaby's big fancy building. He hadn't been gone so long that the parking attendant on duty didn't remember him, which meant that not only did he let Kotetsu park without question, he was willing to also give him some information when he spotted both Barnaby's car and motorcycle in their usual places. He hadn't seen them gone for days, the attendant said.

Now Kotetsu was getting _really_ worried. Even if Barnaby hadn't been kind of emotionally messed up to begin with, Maverick had been screwing with his head recently too, and then Kotetsu had given him something else to be upset about. And this time, there was no Kotetsu to come and shake him out of it. There was no Mr. Maverick or Aunt Samantha to lend a listening ear, no HeroTV staff to notice that he hadn't shown up as usual. As far as Kotetsu knew, if something was wrong, it was possible no one would know for weeks...

The only reason he rang the doorbell just once to start was so that he could put his ear against the door and listen for any sounds inside. Hearing nothing, he rang again, and repeated the process. Finally he gave up and just pressed the button repeatedly.

The doorbell must have been sounding for a couple minutes straight by the time Kotetsu made himself stop. If Barnaby was in there and capable of getting the door, he would have by that time. Pacing restlessly in the hall, Kotetsu pulled out his phone again - and again got no answer. "Bunny, I'm outside your apartment right now - _please_ call me. This is freaking me out... Just let me know you're still alive, okay?"

Having left a message like that, Kotetsu didn't know what else he could do. He sat down right there in the hallway for a little while, hoping that either the door would open, or that his phone would ring, and he'd have something to pay attention to besides the pattern on the carpet. It did occur to him after a couple of minutes that there were no dead flowers sitting in front of the door, so _someone_ must have picked up that bouquet. He hoped it had been Barnaby, and not maintenance staff.

He had nowhere else to turn. Anyone Barnaby had had connections to through the job were no longer connected to him. Anyone Barnaby had had connections to outside of work were either dead, or him. No one else he could think of to ask.

And sitting outside Barnaby's apartment wasn't going to do any good either. Kotetsu made himself get up, glancing over his shoulder a few times on the way out, watching for a head of blond curly hair in the lobby and in the parking lot. He went up and had a look at Barnaby's car; nothing looked out of place, nothing to indicate that it had or hadn't been driven lately.

Having come all this way, only to get no answer... he couldn't just turn around and go back. Instead he called Antonio. And either Antonio called Nathan, or Nathan overheard, because he showed up at the bar too, to fawn over Kotetsu a little. It would have been kind of amusing under most circumstances, but Kotetsu wasn't really in the mood for it. At least upon noticing how tense he was, Nathan started massaging his shoulders before he'd even finished offering, and the exasperated look on Antonio's face made Kotetsu _have_ to crack a smile - and Nathan _did_ have good hands.

At least he felt a little better physically when he headed back to Barnaby's place for another examination of the car and a round of ringing the doorbell. Unfortunately, he got the same results.

...Nothing he could do about it now. It was either file a missing persons report, which Barnaby would be _pissed_ about and the authorities would probably be annoyed by if Barnaby _was_ just trying to avoid him, or sit there by Barnaby's door like a creep (or one of the paparazzi) until he showed himself, or... go home. Tempted as Kotetsu was by the other choices, he went with the last option, slinking back to his hometown worried and bewildered.

It must have been pretty obvious that something was bothering him in the days that followed, because his mom actually asked outright what was wrong instead of playing little mind games to try to get him to admit to it. When he acknowledged he was worried about Barnaby, she just pointed out that Barnaby was a grown man too - he wasn't Kotetsu's responsibility. That might have been true, but she didn't know Barnaby like Kotetsu did, the parts of him he never showed to the camera. In some ways, he wasn't exactly a grown man.

Sometimes, alone in his room at night, the pictures of Tomoe haunted him. The knowledge that he'd never see her or speak to her again had been slow to sink in after her death; Kotetsu couldn't bring himself to accept it at first, and it had been months before he came to fully understand what _never_ meant. Now that he knew, the thought of that word applying to Barnaby was more than he could stand. He wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing that he didn't have a bunch of pictures of Barnaby around too.

On the other hand, Kaede did. She had a great big poster on her wall now of the two of them, a picture from one of their photoshoot sessions, and not only was she starting to grow annoyed with her dad trying to spend all his free time with her, but she was also growing annoyed with her dad's attention wandering every time he came in to talk to her. The session had been right towards the end of the last season; Barnaby looked so happy...

When Kotetsu's phone finally rang that weekend, he fully expected it to be anyone _but_ Barnaby, and took his time pulling it out to look. When he saw the name and image on the display, it took a second for it to sink in. Then, he nearly dropped the phone entirely.

"Uh, gotta take this one, sorry," Kotetsu muttered, managing to catch the phone before it hit the ground, and excused himself from the back porch where he and his mom were supervising Kaede in the garden. Before he was even properly alone, he hit the button, not wanting to risk Barnaby giving up. "Hello? Bunny?"

"...Didn't I tell you not to call me that?"

"I'll call you anything you want me to call you," Kotetsu breathed, getting to his room and closing the door behind him, sinking down on his bed. "Are you okay?"

"Kotetsu, I'm fine," Barnaby told him, clearly exasperated. "I just left town for a couple of weeks. Weren't you the one, a long time ago, that said maybe I should try traveling? I went to a tropical island, just like you suggested - my cell phone didn't work outside the country."

"...Oh." Well, now Kotetsu felt pretty stupid. He _had_ made that suggestion, months ago, before Barnaby had even said he was in love. "Uh, sorry about that."

There was a sigh. "...You really were worried about me."

"Yeah..." Reminding Barnaby of all the reasons Kotetsu might have had to be concerned about his safety was probably not wise. "Well, can you blame me?" he pointed out, getting a little defensive now that he was assured that Barnaby _was_ safe. "You disappeared without telling anyone. And I..." He bit that back. "...You know. At least, I think you do."

"I don't know," Barnaby said plainly. "That was one of the things I was thinking about while I was gone. I'm aware that I don't know much about that sort of thing. I didn't even realize that my feelings weren't reciprocated."

"Because I was trying not to let you know. I wasn't trying to _fool_ you, I mean," Kotetsu added, "just... let you enjoy yourself."

"How long?" Barnaby asked. "How long were you only playing along, before you decided you loved me? That's what I kept wondering while I was on vacation, and it's something I couldn't answer."

Kotetsu was tempted to say it had only taken him a couple weeks, maybe a month, before it wasn't a ruse anymore - that wouldn't have been so bad, right? But he'd gotten in enough trouble by not telling the whole truth, so if Barnaby wanted unpleasant truths over lies that would make him happy, that's what Kotetsu was going to give him from now on. "Uh... I only figured it out that day when I took you out to retrace your steps from the day of your parents' murder." He closed his eyes, remembering the way Barnaby had looked at him before collapsing, and the memory made him want to take Barnaby in his arms again and just hold him. Maybe forever.

Barnaby's voice, when he replied, seemed somehow very small. "That was it?"

"That was when I could put a name to it," Kotetsu said. "That wasn't when it _started_ \- I dunno when that happened, but I guess it had been going on for awhile. I just _recognized_ it then."

"That was the same day I found out you'd been keeping your retirement a secret from me," said Barnaby. "The same day we had the fight about it, and I went to see Mr. Maverick, and everything... started."

"Yeah, it was," Kotetsu acknowledged. "I've always had pretty lousy timing..."

"So it's only been since you brought back my memory. The first time we _really_ talked as a couple was when I came to your hospital room - nothing before that was genuine."

"It was genuine..." Barnaby sounded like he was getting upset, and that was making Kotetsu upset too. "Everything I ever did or said was _genuine_ , Barnaby, it just wasn't... romantic."

"I need to hang up now," Barnaby said abruptly. "I need to think about this - all I want to do right now is yell at you, but I know that won't change anything."

"No, but I deserve it," Kotetsu sighed. "If you want to..."

"No. I'm going to think about this first." Barnaby's voice was tight. "Goodbye, Kotetsu."

"Bu..." Barnaby had just said what he needed to do, and Kotetsu owed him at least that much. "All right, bye."

A click, then a dial tone, and Kotetsu was left just as lost and helpless as he'd been before the phone rang. Less worried about Barnaby, because Barnaby was alive and well and it even sounded like he'd figured out some healthier ways to deal with stress than he'd known before. Kotetsu just didn't know what _he_ could do.

Then again, he thought - hadn't he done enough? At this point, all he could do was let Barnaby make up his mind.

Kotetsu flopped down on his back, and reached up to grab his pillow, using it to cover his face, pressing it down in frustration momentarily as if he were trying to smother himself. He kind of wished Barnaby had gone back to calling him 'old man', because he hadn't felt this way since he was a teenager. So much for being the mature one.

In fact, in keeping with the reemergence of teenage behavior, he stayed there just like that until his mom knocked to say dinner was ready. The pillowcase might have been just a little damp by that time, but at least his eyes were dry.


	10. Chapter 10

Nothing he could do but wait. Kotetsu hated waiting. Especially when there was nothing else to occupy himself with. No more work, no nights out with coworkers - for that matter, no coworkers - nothing but a quiet house in the country with no one around but his mom most of the time. While it was nice to have his family close, having just his mom for company was a little bit weird.

Not to mention how impossible it had suddenly become to get the kind of privacy he'd been used to in Sternbild. Although Kotetsu loved his mom and all, she was kind of... determined. And she'd known him his whole life, obviously, so it was impossible to hide the fact that he was moping.

Which was how he wound up being nagged into helping Muramasa make deliveries. He had a van too, after all, and with the seats in back folded down, there was plenty of room for crates of liquor. And since Kaede was getting annoyed with him hovering all the time, he needed _something_ to do. If he could chase down criminals and fight homicidal robots, he could lift heavy objects and navigate the country roads.

Or at least he should have been able to. The first night, he wound up in the middle of a bunch of farmland before he managed to figure out that he should have turned left instead of right a few miles back. His second night on the job, he didn't get lost, but he managed to drop an entire crate while loading up the van. He sure hoped no police happened to stop him for any reason anytime soon, because his van was probably going to smell like a giant open bottle of booze for weeks. Kaede thought it stunk, and after a couple more afternoons driving around in it, Kotetsu was getting pretty tired of it himself.

At least working for a liquor store meant it was easy enough to snag a bottle of something on the way out of work. It wasn't long before Kotetsu determined that a few drinks before bed greatly decreased his chances of lying awake staring at the ceiling, wondering what Barnaby was doing, and thinking, and deciding. Without him.

Work and sleep couldn't fill all the time, though. In hopes of not driving his mom and Kaede too crazy, Kotetsu started trying to find somewhere to spend the evenings, maybe people to spend them with. There might not be anyone quite as great to go out drinking with as Antonio, but there had to be _somebody_. Problem was, that incident with Maverick had pretty well blown his secret identity, thanks to having blown off his mask. People who had watched - which seemed to be nearly everybody - were happy to buy him drinks, since he had turned out to be their hometown hero, but they had questions to ask in return. Usually about HeroTV, mostly about Barnaby. Since that was exactly what Kotetsu was trying to get away from, he didn't stick around long. If he drank enough not to mind, he'd probably wind up spilling something he wasn't supposed to - and it didn't occur to him until he was already out there the first time that he couldn't just call a cab, and his mom's place was too far into the countryside to walk. At least people out there were friendly enough to give him a ride.

A few days later, Kotetsu had gone back to his room after lunch, faced with the prospect of either staring at his ceiling in the daylight all afternoon or driving around in a van that smelled like alcohol, and either staying in that night and risking his daughter's annoyance or going out and being the designated driver. He was pretty sure he hated retirement.

The knock on his door could really only be his mom, of course. "Yeah?"

"You've got a visitor, Kotetsu."

"Mmm...?" Kotetsu couldn't think of who would come see him... unless it was Momoko. Nice girl, big fan of HeroTV. He'd met her at the bar the other night, her brother was the one who'd given him a ride home, so she'd have been able to track him down. Maybe she was that big a fan, he thought, pushing himself up and trying to pull himself together enough to smile. Even if he wasn't really Wild Tiger anymore, he hated the idea of disappointing a fan.

A small-town fan, though, wouldn't be put off by a less-than-polished appearance. He hadn't exactly been dressed up for the bar the other night, either, so he just brushed his fingers through his hair and shook it out a little before leaving his room. Not polished, but presentable. "Waiting out back," his mother informed him as he stepped into the hallway. "I'll just be in the kitchen..." Out back was definitely a nice place to sit and relax with someone, since the rain had held off; Kotetsu appreciated it.

When he slid back the door and caught a glimpse of blond hair - there wasn't a whole lot of hair that color in Oriental Town - he couldn't help but think he would have also appreciated some _warning_. The sight of Barnaby turning toward him made his heart thump painfully. And _of course_ his mom had just left the King of Heroes standing out on the back porch and gone back to washing dishes. That was his mom, all right.

"Ah, uh, hi," Kotetsu managed, closing the door behind him. "Wasn't expecting you."

"I wasn't planning to come," Barnaby said, his expression and tone pleasantly neutral in that way he had, the same as when he'd had to talk about difficult things on camera. "I had it suggested to me that it would be a good idea to talk face to face."

"Well, yeah... generally a good idea." Especially if seeing Kotetsu again had the same effect on Barnaby that seeing Barnaby had had on Kotetsu, after the initial shock. Kotetsu was determined to keep his hands to himself, though, and just leaned back against the wall, folding them over his chest. "So is everything going okay back in Sternbild?"

"As well as can be expected." Despite the tone of voice, the pause was more awkward than Barnaby would ever have allowed on camera. "It's been difficult, adjusting to... several things."

"Tell me about it," Kotetsu groaned, feeling a little more comfortable now that he knew he wasn't the only one who was having trouble. "I may have grown up here, but it's been a long time."

Barnaby nodded vaguely. "I suppose the transition itself _would_ be more difficult for you - you've been at it so long." The camera-ready facade cracked in an instant, with the hint of a sad smile. "...Old man."

Just those simple words, once an annoyance, turned to a term of endearment, were enough to melt Kotetsu's heart. "Hey - don't you give me that, Bunny-chan," he murmured, with a faint smile of his own. "You're not _that_ much younger than me."

"Right now," Barnaby admitted, the facade slipping away entirely in an instant, "I feel it."

Kotetsu thought, just maybe, it was okay to take a step or two closer. "What, that you're way younger than me?"

Barnaby ducked his head away. "That, or the exact opposite."

"Hmm...?"

Barnaby didn't reply right away. "...We should talk, Kotetsu."

And just like that, Kotetsu knew. There was still hope - that was something he'd never been able to banish completely, no matter the circumstance - but it was barely perceptible behind the panic.

"I just... I don't know how to start," Barnaby sighed. "I never do."

Kotetsu didn't think he _wanted_ to start. But he definitely didn't want to start _there_. "Why don't we take a walk?" he suggested. "Nice day for it..." Wordlessly, Barnaby nodded, and followed Kotetsu back inside the house.

After Kotetsu had retrieved a jacket and called to his mom that he was going out for awhile, he and Barnaby headed out, walking along the side of the road for awhile, then Kotetsu turned them off along a wood and wire fence that marked the border between a couple fields, up a hill towards a grove of trees. "One good thing about being out here," he commented as they climbed, "is that we can go out walking together like this and not worry about who's watching. I mean, there's not a lot of people around anyway, but even if they did see us, no one would think it was a big deal. No getting mobbed by fans or anything..."

"It does seem peaceful like that," Barnaby agreed. "Very different from Sternbild."

"Nothing like Sternbild. So you know," Kotetsu started, and realized almost immediately that it was a bad idea under the circumstances, but he was too nervous and couldn't stop himself - "if you need to get away for awhile, if you want to take a break, you could stick around for awhile, we've got room, plenty of room..." He glanced back at Barnaby, who had his head down, his hands shoved in his pockets. Desperation was creeping into his voice, but he couldn't decide which was the worst prospect - silence, or Barnaby speaking up. "I mean, the rooms are all being used now, but it's not like my mom would say anything if you camped out in my room, I had sleepovers and stuff with friends, before my powers activated and everyone was afraid of-"

"I knew this was a bad idea," Barnaby murmured, finally breaking the stream of chatter that Kotetsu was pretty sure could have gone on forever.

"No, it's a good idea," Kotetsu insisted. "It's a great idea. We wouldn't have-"

"A bad idea," Barnaby repeated. "Kotetsu, I've made my decision. I didn't want to see you again in person - I knew I'd start second-guessing myself - but I was told there are some things you shouldn't tell someone over the phone-"

"Who told you that?" Kotetsu would rather have heard the answer to that than the other, more obvious question.

Or so he thought; the self-conscious way Barnaby's head turned just a little further away made his rising panic just that little much worse. "...To start at the beginning, Kotetsu... I've decided to start seeing someone."

"S-seeing..." Kotetsu stopped in his tracks, and Barnaby stopped with him. He couldn't be hearing this right. This had been Barnaby's first real relationship. How could he have moved on so quickly? His voice cracked slightly as he responded. "Already...?"

Inexplicably, Barnaby looked up, his eyes narrowing somewhat in annoyance. "A psychiatrist."

"Aah, well..." Kotetsu didn't know what to say. "I guess that... makes sense... someone intellectual, and educated... knows how to deal with complicated stuff..." Someone more like Barnaby, nothing like himself.

Barnaby's expression turned to exasperation. " _Professionally_ , Kotetsu. I've been seeing her _professionally_. Ms. Joubert gave me the recommendation after the Jake incident - I'm apparently not the first hero who's had their personal life interject itself into their work," he explained. "I just didn't follow up on her recommendation until after everything happened with Mr. Maverick; until then, I thought everything was resolved. But my life has been so confusing ever since..."

Kotetsu had to admit, that made a lot _more_ sense. Except... "You could talk to me."

"You're part of what's been confusing me. Especially now."

Unfortunately, that also made sense. "You know, that's normal. It's normal to be confused in a relationship," Kotetsu told him. "Especially when somebody lets you down - Barnaby, I know I was stupid. But I really _was_ just trying to make you happy. I didn't want to hurt you. I'm just not really good at... well, look at my record as a hero," he scoffed. "Collateral damage all over the place."

"If that was supposed to be a joke, it's not very funny." Barnaby didn't sound offended, just unimpressed. "Not when I'm the collateral damage."

"I know." Kotetsu grew serious and sober. "I'm sorry."

"I know you are. I believe you." Barnaby looked off across the field absently, then started walking again. This time it was Kotetsu who followed his lead, falling into step beside him. "The thing is... you're right. You were like that in your career, and you're like that in your personal life. And right now, my personal life is disorganized enough without having to try to account for someone else's mistakes in addition to my own. Not that it's entirely your fault - I don't believe I'm fit to be in a relationship with anyone at the moment."

"I do," Kotetsu said immediately. "I don't mind if you're a little messed up - I'm messed up too. Who _isn't_ messed up? _I_ sure don't know anybody who's got it all together. I know you like everything to be all neat and tidy, but if you wait around for things to be perfect, you're going to be waiting forever." Barnaby was shaking his head, but Kotetsu just kept on going. "The thing about relationships is - you've got someone to help you over the imperfections. That's how partnership works, remember? We were doing that even before we got involved outside of work. We can keep doing that, just more, now that we're both clear on what's going on."

"There are a lot of things I have to deal with on my own," Barnaby murmured. "My way of thinking, my way of seeing other people. These are things you can't help me with."

"So instead, you're paying someone to help you." Kotetsu couldn't help being just a little frustrated.

"A psychiatrist is a little different than a person with good intentions and no training," Barnaby pointed out.

"So you're sitting there with all those secrets about your past you never told anyone but me, and now you're telling them to a stranger? That makes me feel real special," Kotetsu muttered.

"It means approximately as much as a medical doctor seeing you naked," said Barnaby, and picked up his pace. He was starting to sound annoyed again. "A psychiatrist is a doctor too, after all. Kotetsu, you of all people know there are some things about me that I need to fix."

"I think you're fine the way you are," Kotetsu protested, hurrying a little to catch up. "You don't have to change yourself."

"See, this is one reason why you can't help me with this," Barnaby told him. "You're too close. You don't have an objective view. I need someone with an outside perspective - someone who's willing to tell me what I'm doing wrong."

"I can do that!"

"You couldn't tell me the truth because you were afraid of hurting my feelings," Barnaby stated, stopping at the edge of the trees and turning back to face Kotetsu. "You let me go on believing a lie for months. I can't trust you to do any differently now."

"So _try_!" ...Kotetsu had no idea how to get through to him. "I'm _sorry_ , Barnaby - I don't know how many times I have to say it before you'll listen."

"You're not listening either!" Barnaby shot back. "I've told you I believe you, I've told you I understand why. But _you_ aren't listening when I say it doesn't matter! You _still_ let me believe a pleasant lie over an unpleasant truth, and your motivations for doing it don't make any difference. Either way, I can't depend on you to tell me the truth! If I was going to be in a relationship with someone, it would have to be someone who can give me what I need most!"

"I'll try to." Kotetsu heard his voice wobble a little, and lowered it. " _Please_... give me a chance to prove I can do it. Please..." It was also the truth that he'd been a little awkward about voicing some things, but he was desperate. "Bunny, I _love_ you. I'll do whatever I have to do."

Barnaby just looked at him for a moment, staring down from his vantage point a little further up the hill, and then turned away, folding his arms. "...I shouldn't have come here," he murmured, his voice almost lost in the sound of the wind rustling branches overhead. "My doctor said I should give you my decision in person, but I knew. I knew the second I saw you, I'd want to change my mind."

The solution seemed simple enough to Kotetsu. "Then change it."

"I made a decision," Barnaby stated. "And this was a part of why I decided the way I did - you have too much influence over me. I might do anything you suggest just because I care too much about your approval. But right now, I need to focus on what _I_ need."

"What if what you need is _me_?"

" _Stop_ it," Barnaby growled, clenching his fists at his sides, still turned away. "Do you think this is easy for me? Especially now, when I've lost everyone else I ever cared about?"

"Then why are you doing it?" Kotetsu exclaimed. "Why make it so hard - just listen to your damn gut for a change!"

"That's your way, not mine," Barnaby reminded him. "And look at how well it's turned out for you."

"It would turn out better for both of us if you'd just _listen_."

"Will _you_ listen to _me_ for a change?" Barnaby snapped, and finally turned around again, his expression furious. "I've spent my _entire life_ letting other people direct my path, while they concealed the truth - truths that would have turned me in another direction, if I'd been allowed to see them. Mr. Maverick was the worst offender, but you did the same thing. And right now, you're proving it! I came here to give you my answer, and because you don't like it, you're trying every trick in the book to manipulate me into changing my mind!"

"Not _every_ trick in the book," Kotetsu muttered, and before he could think better of it, he did exactly what _his_ gut had been telling him to do pretty much from the moment he saw Barnaby on the back porch - he took the last few steps, closing the distance between himself and Barnaby, and reached out to pull Barnaby towards him. Barnaby was too startled to react at first as Kotetsu's hand cupped the back of his head, pulling him down into a kiss. Kotetsu took full advantage of that, kissing Barnaby as hard and hungrily as his instinct demanded, his free arm pulling Barnaby's body tight against his.

The next thing he knew, he was tumbling backwards, the trunk of a tree stopping him from rolling further down the hill. It caught him in the back, with a severe enough impact to knock the wind out of him for a second, and Kotetsu rubbed at the injury as he looked up to see Barnaby staring down at him dangerously, surrounded by the telltale blue glow of the Hundred Power. ...Yeah, this time he'd _really_ fucked up.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about," Barnaby said, his voice low, tired rather than angry. "You say you want what's best for me, but you're trying to override what I'm saying in favor of what _you_ want."

"...You're right." Kotetsu couldn't argue that point at all, not anymore. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry." He hung his head, too ashamed to look Barnaby in the eye. "It's just... I do. I love you. I _need_ you. Retirement's been fucking terrible so far - I don't know what to do without you around, and I just... I miss you..."

"I've been missing you too... and I don't know what to do either," Barnaby admitted. "But I need to find out for myself - and you'll be fine, Kotetsu. You managed to move on with your life after losing Tomoe, and I'm glad I could play a part in that. ...And did you know - it proved to me that _I_ can be all right after losing my first love too. As for you... I'm not your first love. You haven't even been in love for very long. You'll get over me faster than I'll get over you."

"It doesn't work that way." Even as Kotetsu said it, he knew it was hopeless. "It doesn't _have_ to be this way, we don't have to lose each other."

Barnaby took a deep breath. "...I said what I came here to say," he stated. "Goodbye, Kotetsu."

His voice was so empty... Kotetsu couldn't stand it. "Please... You're everything I want, even if I didn't know it from the start," he acknowledged, fixing a serious gaze on Barnaby. "This pain I'm feeling now..." He placed his hand over his heart; melodramatic as it may have been, it really did feel like being stabbed in the chest. "It's the same pain I was trying to protect _you_ from in the first place."

Barnaby sniffed, but it wasn't as haughty as it could have been, and his words confirmed it. "You're not the only one feeling that pain," he admitted, almost in a whisper. "But everything you've said and done today has proven to me that my decision was the right one."

Kotetsu slowly got to his feet as Barnaby started back the way they'd come. He had nothing else to offer, except for his final, simple argument. "...I love you, Barnaby."

Barnaby paused, glancing back. His eyes, still glowing blue, squeezed shut. "I loved you too," he murmured. "All along. I doubt I'll make the same mistake again... which makes you the only person I'll ever love."

When they opened again, Barnaby's eyes looked wet - but Kotetsu had nothing more to say as he watched Barnaby walk off through the field, back towards the road. He'd said everything he knew how to say already.

All that was left was desperation and anger, not at Barnaby, but at himself for having messed everything up so badly. Though Kotetsu had no words, a rumble built up in his chest, rising to his throat until it erupted from his mouth as a furious roar, his fists clenched in frustration - and one of them found release against the trunk of the tree as he lashed out in his helpless rage.

It wasn't until the tree cracked painfully, then toppled over with a great crash, that Kotetsu looked down at his hand and realized that it was glowing too.

Even without the weakening of his powers, it would have worn off well before Kotetsu could manage to get up from where he sank down against the splintered stump, head in his hands. He had no real reason to get up, to not just sit there for the rest of his life. He wasn't needed by anyone... needed or wanted. And unlike when he'd lost Tomoe, it was all his fault.

But even if he was getting on Kaede's nerves and driving his mom nuts hanging around the house all the time, they were expecting him, so eventually he pushed himself up off the ground and made the walk home. Barnaby's car, which had been out front, wasn't there. Kaede was back from school, but in her room. Kotetsu was thankful for that, and for his mom's perceptiveness; she didn't ask any questions when Kotetsu came in only long enough to grab his keys and say he was going to be out for awhile. She didn't even nag him about missing supper. Kotetsu wondered if Barnaby had said anything to her before taking off. He supposed it didn't matter, as long as he could get to his van without incident. He wasn't sure where to go when he did get there, other than somewhere he could be alone.

Before Kotetsu could reach that location, though, there was one more thing he needed. As luck would have it, Muramasa was still out on his routes, so Kotetsu managed to get in and out with a bottle without subjecting himself to too many questions. The girl on counter duty knew him, of course, but not well enough that Kotetsu's smile didn't put her at ease.

After that, Kotetsu just drove. There was gas in the tank, and he didn't have any destination in mind, so he could go anywhere - and eventually he found himself at just the right place. Off one of the deserted county roads winding through the countryside, there was a side road that was barely more than a dirt path, leading back through some private property that the owners had rarely visited back in the day. That didn't look to have changed, from the state of the road, which led just as before through a forested area atop a hill, overlooking a lake just off to the west. There had been plenty of room, when Kotetsu was young, to pull a vehicle off to what passed as the shoulder and watch the sun go down with someone. A little overgrown nowadays, Kotetsu found, but it worked. The old fallen log was still there too, a perfect seat for two people side by side. This time Kotetsu only needed room for himself and the bottle.

The sky was clouded, not much of a sunset to speak of, but the drink and the memories put on enough of a show for Kotetsu. This had been a spot for just himself and Tomoe for a long time; if he didn't turn his head too far, he could imagine she was still right there with him. He could... but mostly he didn't. He knew too well that she was gone, and that this place could exist without her. If things had gone differently, if he hadn't been so much of an idiot, he could have come back and shared it with Barnaby. Something personal and private that he'd never shared with anyone before, except for the one person who had made it something personal and private to begin with - something in return for all the firsts that Barnaby had shared with him.

Tomoe's loss still hurt, yes, but it was a dull sort of pain, the kind you didn't notice so much until someone poked the sore spot. Barnaby was a fresh wound, still stinging, bleeding out so fast that Kotetsu wasn't sure he was going to live or die...

No - he'd live. He'd be damned if he let his own clumsily self-inflicted pain get the best of him, when all the criminals and battle androids and everything else in Sternbild hadn't been able to take him down. But for now, that meant filling the void with something, and the gin he'd picked up would do the trick. Same brand he and Barnaby had been drinking the night it all started, in fact.

Kotetsu had never been able to resist poking at a sore wound, and he was perhaps better at it than anyone he knew.


	11. Chapter 11

"I spotted one of your ads on the monorail this morning." She gave Barnaby a small smile. "You looked quite dashing."

"Thank you." He paused, his thoughts having drifted to the point where it was a bit of a journey back to the conversation at hand, and something he could say about the subject. "It was an easy shoot, very comfortable - I'm glad that it showed."

"I'm sensing that you don't feel very comfortable now," she observed. "You seem distracted."

"...I am," Barnaby conceded, with a small self-conscious laugh. "Obviously, if you managed to notice."

"It's rare that you'd let your guard down enough for anyone to notice."

Except possibly her. Dr. Knight had come to know his mannerisms - including the mannerisms behind which he hid his mannerisms - quite well after nearly a year as his therapist. With a faint sigh, his expression faded to wistfulness. "This has always been a difficult time of year for me."

"That's hardly unexpected."

Barnaby nodded. "...I passed the park earlier. I could hardly avoid seeing that they'd put the tree up."

"I see." He'd told her all about why that tree was particularly significant, of course - except that he hadn't gotten specific about the new significance it had gained last year that _didn't_ have to do with Samantha. He didn't have anything he wanted to say about that now either. She was good at judging that sort of thing, and after Barnaby offered no further information, she dialed back the conversation somewhat. "So... you were comfortable on your last shoot. Are you enjoying the work?"

"I have nothing to complain about," Barnaby said with a shrug. "It's not particularly difficult, they treat me well, and the pay is excellent for the effort I put forth."

"I expect it would take more effort if you hadn't had so much practice," Dr. Knight pointed out, and then paused. "But I didn't ask if it was an acceptable job, Barnaby. I was asking if you _enjoyed_ it."

That was something Barnaby didn't have to think hard about. "No, I don't." She would encourage him to elaborate if he didn't, and so he did. "It seems shallow. It may be easy work, but it's _too_ easy - and I can't help but thinking... is there any point to doing something like this?"

"I'm sure it's appreciated by the advertising agencies. And your fanbase is probably glad to see that you're staying in front of the cameras."

"Hmmph. Most likely." He sobered quickly, folding his hands and staring down at them. "But when I think of my parents - and this time of year, I think of them a lot... I have to wonder: would this make them proud?"

"I can't pretend to know what _your_ parents would think," Dr. Knight said. "But speaking as _a_ parent, I can tell you that when Natalie gets older, her choice of career isn't what will make me proud of her. I'll be proud of her because she's living her life in a way that makes her happy - and because she's my child."

"Yes, but modeling _doesn't_ make me happy," Barnaby stated. "And I feel like I owe them more than this. You're right, I don't think they'd be _ashamed_ of having a model for a son - or a spokesperson or newscaster or anything else that I've been approached with since retiring from HeroTV. But they dedicated their lives to improving the lives of others with their research. They worked hard to make the world a better place. And..." This was the question he'd been asking himself for months. "...What am I doing to make the world a better place?"

"You've already done a great deal to make the world a better place," Dr. Knight pointed out yet again. "Even your parents must have taken some time to enjoy themselves. ...You're here, after all."

That made Barnaby laugh softly. "Yes, and they had their hobbies. Aunt Samantha and Mr. Maverick told me all about them." That thought made his laughter fade again quickly. As he'd said, the winter holidays had always been a difficult time of year, and this year promised to be worse; it was the first year he would be entirely alone. He'd already caught himself looking through the catalogues for something for Samantha, just out of habit.

Dr. Knight wasn't aware of how his thoughts had drifted, however. "So modeling doesn't feel right. Now, I'm not saying that you need to live up to what you _imagine_ that your parents _may_ have expected of you, but for the sake of argument - what kinds of work do you think they'd have approved of?"

Which led right back to a subject they'd visited and revisited many times. "...If I hadn't followed in their footsteps and gone into the field of robotics, I think with the assurance that their technology was no longer being misused, they would have approved of my being a hero."

"Mmm." A small nod. Dr. Knight had expected as much, and since they'd been over this many times, Barnaby could predict her next question. "But would _that_ make you happy?"

It was a good question to ask, every time she asked it, because his answer kept changing. "I'm not sure. But it was the one time in my life when I _was_ happy. Even knowing what I know now, having had time to think about and process what Mr. Maverick did to me, I really _was_ happy when I was working as a hero."

"All right, then - what was it that made you happy when you were working as a hero?" she inquired.

Another good question. "At first, it was just that it was something I was very good at," he admitted. "I was achieving high scores and pulling in high ratings. Statistically speaking, I was a phenomenon. I thought I was happy with that. But later on, when I came to realize just how important it was, helping people and saving lives - that was when I became _truly_ happy." Because of what Kotetsu had taught him about what being a hero meant. Without Kotetsu, it might have meant little more than being a celebrity.

Dr. Knight nodded. "I know in the past, we've discussed the prospect of going into law enforcement."

"It still seems like it would be a waste of my abilities," said Barnaby, "being just another officer. Especially knowing that I'd be expected to stay out of the way until the heroes are finished doing the real work."

"Would it be fair to say, then, that it's important to you to use your natural attributes for a good cause?"

"Definitely."

"You know," she remarked, "some would say that you'd be doing the same with a modeling career."

She was teasing, and Barnaby did laugh quietly. "True. But I also had the ability to use those attributes in such a way when I was a hero."

"Excellent point," she conceded. "Back to what made you happy when you were a hero - is there anything else about being a hero that contributed to your happiness at that time?"

"...Yes." There had been. She knew that. Barnaby had been sidestepping the issue. He lowered his head. "Of course there was. I know it wouldn't be the same without him."

"But you now believe you could be happy working as a hero without him?"

"I don't know if I could be _happy_ ," Barnaby acknowledged, "but I think that I might at least be able to be satisfied with myself, and that would be an improvement over how I've felt ever since I left."

Dr. Knight tilted her head curiously. "Your phrasing is interesting, Barnaby. I recall that shortly after the breakup, you were _convinced_ you could never be happy without him. Has that belief changed?"

Barnaby shook his head, reluctantly. "...Not exactly. I think of Kotetsu, and... I got the feeling he was never happy after losing his wife. Maybe not even when we were together... _really_ together." He'd explained the whole thing, since it was one of the things weighing on his mind heavily right after he'd started seeing Dr. Knight. "He may have moved on, but he never really recovered. Once I knew to look for it, there was always this underlying... sadness, when no one was looking and he wasn't intentionally acting upbeat."

"They call losing someone a 'loss' for a reason. When you lose someone, you don't get them back. When the someone that was lost was very important, it _will_ permanently change a person," Dr. Knight reasoned. "I wouldn't say that it's impossible to find happiness again afterward, though. I've seen it happen."

Barnaby didn't doubt it. She'd been counseling heroes and ex-heroes for fifteen years. Apparently Kotetsu had never decided to give her a call after Tomoe died, though he'd been given the suggestion. "That's encouraging."

She nodded, and moved on. Kind of. "So what do you think? Do you really want to go back to being a hero? Or is it just because you think it's what you _should_ do?"

The question had come up multiple times, and each time he considered it carefully. He thought he was coming closer to an answer. "...I _think_ I want to go back."

"Go back to being a hero? Or go back to something else?"

Barnaby said nothing. That was exactly why he wasn't sure.

"Suppose you do return to your job as a hero," Dr. Knight proposed. "Your prior experience was all as part of a team. How would you feel if they teamed you with another partner?"

Barnaby probably didn't _need_ to say anything; the thought was so offensive to him that he ground his teeth, wincing involuntarily. "I don't want to have another partner. Ever again."

"You didn't want to be partnered with Kotetsu originally either."

"After the way that turned out, I'd say I was right."

"Mmm."

She wasn't saying anything more, just letting him think. Barnaby didn't like thinking about this, so he tried to think about something more practical. "If they assigned me a new partner," he said more evenly, "I would try to talk them out of it - but if it was necessary, I would accept it. At least to see if it worked at all."

"You don't sound very hopeful about that."

"No, I'm not. I've been working on my own for most of my life - _that_ at least works."

She knew him well enough to know it wasn't true, and well enough to humor him. "You'll never let yourself down, right?"

"If I do, at least I'm aware of why." He rested his head in his hands, and gave up. "Why does everything keep coming back to Kotetsu, Sharon? It's been months..."

"You told me from the start that he was the first person you ever were in love with - and then, when everything went haywire, that he would be the last. I'd say that makes him a significant figure in your life - and no offense, Barnaby, but you don't have many."

He didn't even lift his head to nod. Even calling Dr. Knight by her first name during sessions had been an exercise. That was something she had wanted him to work on, making connections with other people. Not just the casual social networking that was useful for gathering information or advancing in one's workplace, but actually connecting, and caring. He couldn't help it if most people seemed either tedious or obnoxious, their concerns trivial or boring.

"Have you spoken to him recently?"

"Not since the last time." The last time had been at Dr. Knight's suggestion, after a conversation very much like this one; he'd called Kotetsu just to see if they could still talk to each other. The answer was no - there was too much awkwardness, too much tension. Kotetsu's laugh had sounded all wrong, not like a laugh at all. It was painfully obvious that he'd wanted to ask questions, maybe the same ones Barnaby was keeping himself from asking, and neither of them was going to say it. Instead they'd talked about meaningless things, like the assorted jobs Barnaby had given a brief try in his attempt to find _something_ he actually cared to do, and Kotetsu went on for quite a while about his brother's old van and the problems he was having with it. Hanging up had been a relief. "Please don't ask me to call him again."

"Even if I did ask you, you could refuse."

"...Yeah." Another recurring issue that had come to light - when he came to trust someone, he leaned on them too heavily. The irony of trying _not_ to assume that his therapist was trustworthy and knew what was best for him was often frustrating - especially since there was no one else left that he spoke to on even a semi-regular basis. "I suppose I shouldn't ask you what you think I should do."

"You're right. It's past time you did what _you_ want to do." She offered him a kind smile. "I'd appreciate it if you let me know what that is, however. If you find something that genuinely improves your state of being, that would be excellent progress, and a launching point for further progress. All this time, you've been drifting aimlessly, and I'd like to see that change almost as much as you would."

Barnaby had a feeling she already knew what he had decided to do. Looking back at what he'd been saying, it wasn't hard to figure out.

\---

He'd been back to headquarters a few times since his official retirement, mostly in the pursuit of finding something else to do with his life. Barnaby was photogenic and had experience, so at one point they'd asked if he was interested in joining Mario in providing commentary during and after HeroTV events; he'd given it a try, but found himself too frustrated when things went wrong, knowing he could have helped, thinking that he wouldn't have made the same mistakes as some of the other heroes were making... He found it hard to say much, since they'd encouraged him to stay positive.

He'd been having a hard time staying positive about much of anything since his falling-out with Kotetsu, in fact. The few months after the revelation about Mr. Maverick had been the darkest Barnaby could recall, even darker than those just after his parents' deaths. He'd been too young to entirely comprehend the magnitude then, and there had been adults to look after him and comfort him. By the time he was older, the pain was distant, walled off behind anger and a determination to find those responsible. This time, the one responsible had already been killed, not even by his own hands - and he wasn't sure if that made it better or worse. Kotetsu had been the only thing keeping him from sinking fully into a dark, confused despair in the following weeks. When he found out Kotetsu had been deceiving him too, he had nothing left at all. Nothing except his appointments with Dr. Knight, and it was fortunate for Barnaby that she was good at her job. He still wasn't sure how he'd managed to hang on long enough to make it to the other side.

But things weren't quite so dark now. Having a purpose had helped when he was younger, and his new purpose was to... find a new purpose. Something to live for, something to aspire to, because at the moment, he was aimless. There had been plenty of media-related proposals, given his connections through Apollon, but even after he'd recovered to the point that he could try accepting some of them, none of them came close to filling the void that still ached within him. HeroTV, though... it still had an appeal to him, even after learning what Maverick had done.

But then he would think of doing it again alone, without Kotetsu at his side, and that made him slam the door on the idea before he could think any further down that line.

He'd had no luck with any of his other options, however, so he supposed he might as well consider it seriously. At the very least, he could go to the offices and see what he thought when he was actually there, in the middle of it. He didn't have to make a decision that day. It had been a long time since he'd seen anyone from HeroTV, after all - he could just say he was visiting.

That didn't correspond so well to the excited exclamations when he walked into the training area and found Blue Rose, Fire Emblem, and Dragon Kid hanging around in front of the locker rooms. "Oh, I _knew it_ , handsome!" Nathan gushed. "Where Tiger goes, Barnaby can't be far behind, hmmm?"

"...Huh?" Barnaby's eyes widened in surprise. "Is K... is he here?" If so, he was going to turn right around and leave. Of course, after the initial thought, he recognized that was childish... but a part of him didn't care about that, or what anyone else thought of it.

"Not yet," Pao-lin replied, bouncing a little. "At least, I don't think so."

"He had to go home and get everything in order, or something like that," Karina said, seemingly dismissive, turning her head so the slight blush from even _talking about_ Kotetsu was less visible. "It'll probably take him forever, he's so disorganized."

"You mean you didn't know?" Pao-lin said, curious.

"Know what?" Though Barnaby could guess, based on how they were talking.

"That Wild Tiger's returning to HeroTV," Nathan explained. "You really _didn't_ know, did you?"

"No... I didn't." Barnaby wasn't sure how that was even possible. Hadn't his powers been deteriorating?

"So does that mean you're _not_ partners anymore?" Pao-lin asked.

"I, ah, don't know..." This certainly complicated the situation. Barnaby didn't know what to say - he didn't know what to _think_ any more.

"Now that I'm thinking about it, it doesn't make any sense," Karina remarked. "Wild Tiger's going to be joining the Second League. Obviously Barnaby wouldn't be on the Second League - so if he's coming back, they're not doing it as partners."

That might have been an even more horrible idea than returning to HeroTV without Kotetsu. If Kotetsu was going to be there, and _not_ as his partner... If they'd be seeing each other around all the time, but just in passing... And given the way he'd reacted to the idea that he _might_ encounter Kotetsu, just a moment ago...

"Handsome, you look like you've seen a ghost," Nathan murmured, nudging him over towards one of the benches. "You okay, honey? Sit down."

"Yeah, you don't look so good," Pao-lin agreed, as they ushered him over to take a seat. "I've got some hydration drinks in my locker - want one?"

"No, thank you, I'm all right," Barnaby assured them, but he did give in and sit down, resting his head in his hands. "I just... I didn't know."

"Maybe we shouldn't have said anything," Pao-lin pondered. "Do you think he wanted it to be a surprise?"

"Maybe... You know, if you're coming back, maybe that's what made him decide to come back," said Karina. "Or isn't that why you're here?"

"No, I was just coming to visit." That was the plan, anyway, and it was a good thing he hadn't planned on anything more - because he wasn't sure he _could_ return with Kotetsu there. "I didn't know anything about this. I haven't talked to him in..." It had been a few months.

"Hmmm..." That was Nathan's thoughtful murmur. Barnaby wondered how much he'd already figured out.

"Well, it's too bad you didn't come over the weekend," Pao-lin said, clearly still oblivious. "You two could have seen each other."

"That would have been a bad idea," Barnaby murmured without thinking. All the confusion and conflicted emotions that Kotetsu inspired in him were rising to the surface in spite of himself, and he lifted his head to speak, the words coming out more harshly than he intended. "I don't _want_ to see him - and I don't want him to see me."

Pao-lin cocked her head curiously. Karina frowned. Nathan, on the other hand, did seem to know more than he should. "So this little lover's quarrel of yours is serious, hmmm...?"

Barnaby felt a sudden surge of rage. "Did he _tell_ people about it?"

Apparently not, from the way Pao-lin's eyes widened and Karina gasped. Of course Nathan didn't show any surprise whatsoever - and Barnaby recognized after the fact that he remembered Nathan walking in on them in the bathroom once, a very long time ago. The rage began to fade, and the now-familiar sting of his loss took over where it left off.

"Wait, really?" Pao-lin inquired. "I thought he was kidding! Huh..." She paused, thoughtful. "I never would've thought Mr. Tiger was like that."

"But on the other hand, handsome here... You suspected something?" Nathan pressed her, amused.

"Well, I've never seen Mr. Barnaby with a girl," Pao-lin reasoned. "And he's got pretty hair and takes care of his skin, like you. But Mr. Tiger used to be married to a woman, and he's not really the _pretty_ type..."

"Just goes to show, sweetie - you can't tell by looking. But seriously," Nathan added, sitting down next to Barnaby, dropping an arm over his shoulders and cuddling up to his side. "Did Tiger do something bad to you?"

Under normal circumstances, Barnaby would have resisted the cuddling. But he'd spent the last year of his life almost entirely alone, and at the moment he was too depressed to argue. In fact, at the moment it was even kind of comforting. "...He violated my trust in him," Barnaby murmured.

"He didn't cheat, did he?" Nathan asked, his voice dropping dramatically to a dangerous growl. "Openness in a relationship is a beautiful thing, but I _hate_ cheaters."

"No, he didn't cheat," Barnaby sighed in exasperation. He couldn't imagine Kotetsu cheating, in fact - it was so unlike the Kotetsu that he'd come to know, the values he held. The man still wore his wedding ring. But then again, Barnaby had only _thought_ he knew Kotetsu, hadn't he? His teeth clenched, as the anger began to return. "He lied to me."

"About what?" Pao-lin asked. "Must've been something important, if he was your boyfriend, but now you're not talking to him."

It was an innocent question, but it made Barnaby tense, his fists clenching. "That's exactly what he lied about."

"Huh?"

Barnaby knew it wasn't Pao-lin's fault - she was young, she was curious, when he last saw her regularly she hadn't seemed to have developed any sort of interest in romantic relationships, much less any understanding of their delicacies - but he was so on edge that he snapped. "About being my boyfriend - Kotetsu was only pretending to be in a relationship with me in the first place!"

Karina's jaw dropped, and Pao-lin instinctively raised both hands in a defensive gesture at his outburst. Immediately Barnaby felt bad. Well, _worse_ , because he'd already felt awful for plenty of other reasons. He couldn't help it, though. Thinking about the very real possibility of seeing Kotetsu again on a regular basis, and being treated like just another coworker... or worse, having Kotetsu look at him the way he'd looked at him the last time they saw each other... Barnaby couldn't stand it. He dropped his head, squeezing his eyes closed in frustration.

And then he felt Nathan's hands, gently kneading at his taut shoulders. "Why would Tiger do a damn stupid thing like that?" Nathan mused. "If you want to talk about it..."

And Barnaby didn't know why - maybe it was just that Nathan's affectionate protectiveness somehow caused him to drop his guard, or maybe it was because he'd never let himself express any real emotion about it, since the only person who knew was Dr. Knight; the discovery of the lie had happened just after he'd started seeing her, and he hadn't been comfortable talking about his feelings just yet, only facts. But for some reason, he started talking. Nathan kept rubbing the tension out of his shoulders, not in a suggestive way, amazingly, and Pao-lin sat down cross-legged in front of him. Looking a little shell-shocked, Karina sat down gingerly on the other end of the bench, and they all just... listened. They didn't have to listen. But they did. They even seemed to care. Heaven only knew why.

Whatever the reason, Barnaby started explaining, and kept explaining, because once he'd started it all came pouring out. How Kotetsu had let him believe for months that they really had something, that he was really in love. How he'd tried so hard to figure out how relationships worked, and to make sure that Kotetsu was happy with someone like him, untested and unskilled in romance. And how Kotetsu had just accepted all the effort and sacrifice without saying a word, until it had just accidentally slipped out one day that it had all been to humor him. Barnaby omitted the circumstances, of course. "It was just like that false memory of Jake killing my parents," he said, his voice tight and angry. "It wasn't real, it was all in my head. And he never told me - he just let me go on believing, because he thought it would make me happy."

"But..." Pao-lin was puzzled. "You sure _seemed_ happy. Weren't you happy?"

"Only because I didn't know the truth," Barnaby muttered. "He didn't feel any of the things I thought he felt, he didn't care for me the way I thought he did. When he finally told me the truth, he admitted that he'd only decided a few weeks before that he really _was_ in love - and the rest of the time, for _months_ beforehand, he was just acting."

"Mm... and here I always thought he was a terrible actor," Nathan murmured.

"He had _me_ fooled," Barnaby admitted, resting his head in his hands again.

There was a slight creak, and the bench shifted. "You _idiot_."

Nathan and Pao-lin and Barnaby all looked up to Karina as she stood. She'd been quiet ever since the revelation that Kotetsu and Barnaby had been involved, and that wasn't surprising. Her crush on Kotetsu had been plainly obvious even to someone with as little understanding of romance as Barnaby. It must have been a huge shock to her to find out that Kotetsu had been dating - or pretending to date - someone else right under her nose.

Now she was staring down at Barnaby accusingly, her fists clenched. "He didn't just fall in love with you toward the end - he was in love with you all along."

"Where are you getting that?" Barnaby asked, baffled. "He even _said_ that was what happened."

"That's because he's an idiot too. You're _both_ idiots," Karina told him. "You said he let you hold him, and kiss him, and tell him you loved him. Did you ever think about what that must have felt like for _him_? Being held and kissed and told he was loved by someone he didn't love? He might be a moron, but he's not a selfish person, and I know he liked you - there's no way he would do something like that to someone he _liked_ , just to take advantage of their feelings. He probably _hated_ it!"

Barnaby had had that thought, and it had made him feel worse than ever. He'd been trying so hard to make Kotetsu happy, and he might have been unwittingly doing the exact opposite. "Then why didn't he just say so?" he snapped.

"You said it yourself - he wanted you to be happy!" Karina shot back. "He did it because he cared more about your feelings than about his. And isn't that how you know it's love, when you care more about the other person than you care about yourself?"

That... might have been true, Barnaby had to admit. It had been true in his case.

"He was falling in love with you from the start," Karina stated, her angry eyes growing brighter. "He was just too stupid to realize it at first. And you're too stupid to realize it now. But do you know how special it is, to have someone put their partner's wishes first like that? Do you have _any idea_ ," she said, and her voice wavered a little, "how many people _wish_ someone would love them like that?"

He did have _some_ idea. Karina looked like she was about to cry.

"And you threw that away. You're both idiots," she repeated, turning away and stalking off towards the locker rooms. "A perfectly matched set. You two _deserve_ the misery you've put yourselves through."

Pao-lin's head had turned to watch Karina go, then back to Barnaby. "Don't take it personally, Mr. Barnaby," she said with a frown and a dismissive shrug. "I don't know why she's so mad at you, but Karina told me she's never even really been in love before, just a crush or two. So how would she know?"

Next to him, Nathan snorted. "Maybe not - but now that she's mentioned it, she has a point," he spoke up. "The Tiger I know wouldn't have been happy about deceiving anyone, especially a friend. He must have been _agonizing_ about it, while you were worrying about pleasing _him_. It couldn't have been as one-sided as you think it was."

"I... don't know." Barnaby had spent so long holding onto the idea that Kotetsu had hurt him, over anything else he felt or thought about the situation - because it was the only way he could manage to push through the pain of losing him. He knew what anger was, and resentment. He knew how to focus them, how to use them. He didn't really know other ways of dealing with loss, in part because he'd never let himself get into a situation where he could lose more than he'd already lost. Until Kotetsu came along...

"Well, better figure it out fast, handsome," Nathan told him, leaning back but ruffling his hair. "Cause if you wait too long to decide you want Tiger back, honey, you might have some competition."

"Hey, don't be a jerk," Pao-lin told him, giving him a dirty look. "You could at least wait and see if Mr. Tiger and Mr. Barnaby can sort their problems out first."

Barnaby looked up to exchange a slightly exasperated glance with Nathan's amused one. Looked like Karina was fooling exactly one person.


	12. Chapter 12

The actual chase had been kind of predictable, too easy, and left Kotetsu a little exasperated. It was all too obvious that they'd set it up so he'd be the one to catch the mugger, bringing him in after the other Second Leaguers were already on the scene and dropping him off in a different spot, probably strategically chosen based on the way the guy was running. He almost wondered if the guy was even a real mugger, or just some kid they hired to play the part... but then again, there was no shortage of actual muggers in Sternbild.

Despite his doubts, Kotetsu couldn't exactly keep himself from grinning as the cameras moved in afterwards. The viewers at home would never have guessed that the emcee knew perfectly well that Wild Tiger was back with the show, from his excited exclamations. "Wow! That was incredible - just what we'd expect from the veteran Wild Tiger!" Mario was saying, getting in next to him with the mic. "Your return to HeroTV begins with a stunning arrest! How does it feel?"

"Uh, a little too easy," Kotetsu admitted sheepishly, opening the faceplate on his helmet so he could talk easier. "But being back? Feels great!" he finished, with a little triumphant flexing. It may have been silly for anyone else, but heroes could get away with something like that.

"And we're all glad to see you back," Mario assured him. "But as part of the Second League? You certainly took down that criminal like a primary contender - it didn't even take you a minute!"

"It's a good thing," Kotetsu chuckled. He'd had plenty of time to get used to it by now, so explaining wasn't so painful as it once had been, even in front of the TV cameras. "See, my powers have been decreasing for a little over a year - that's why I had to retire in the first place. Used to be I could use my Hundred Power for five minutes, but then it went down to four, then to three... Friend of mine, though, he called to check up on me a couple months ago, and asked how that was going. Well, being retired, I hadn't even used the Hundred Power for awhile. But he wanted to know, so I gave it a try."

"So your powers are still decreasing?"

"That's the weird thing," Kotetsu told him cheerfully. "When I timed it, I had one minute. Tried again a week later... still one minute! And it's stayed there at one minute ever since. Maybe that's as far as it's gonna go."

"You've only got one minute?"

As if they hadn't already been over all of this, but the viewers would want a recap, Agnes had warned him. "Yep, one minute. I can't go back to serious competition with that kind of limit. But I'll do my best with the Second League!"

"That's the spirit!" Mario crowed. "Anyone else facing such a dilemma probably would have stayed in retirement - but not Wild Tiger! What made you decide to return to HeroTV?"

"Well..."

\---

Several stories above, only a few blocks away, Barnaby took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He'd been watching the last few weeks' HeroTV events after not watching for a long time - trying it on, seeing what he thought and felt. And waiting for something that he knew was going to happen eventually, to try that on too. To try even looking at him on the television screen, and see what that made him feel.

Mostly what it made him feel was... pulled. Towards both.

He leaned back in his chair as Kotetsu replied, sobering somewhat from his cheerful demeanor. "...Basically, I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. And I'll probably keep making mistakes, and bad decisions... but all I can do is try to change what I can, and learn from what I can't. And what I learned was, I couldn't just give up. Not on something this important. I'll keep at it till I fail - and then?" He grinned. "I'll keep at it till I succeed!"

That was Kotetsu, all right. Hopelessly optimistic, idealistic... and it was infectious. Barnaby rested his chin in his hand, as if he were thinking - but all he could think about was how much he'd missed Kotetsu.

"Plus," Kotetsu was saying, "the folks on the Second League could benefit from having someone around who's got some experience. Who knows - maybe a couple of them'll graduate into the real competition, with a little Wild Tiger guidance."

"You do have some experience with mentoring," Mario pointed out. "Two years ago, when Barnaby Brooks Jr. debuted, you and he were the first - and to this point, the last - partnered heroes. And that year, with your help, he shot to the top of the rankings to become the King of Heroes!"

It had been a while since anyone talked about him on TV, Barnaby thought. It felt strange. And from the look on Kotetsu's face, Mario hadn't rehearsed that talking point with him, at least. "Ah, heh, yeah... Well, uh, that was all Barnaby's doing. He was just a natural, it had nothing to do with me."

"You used to say that back then too," Mario reminded him teasingly. "And he argued otherwise."

Kotetsu smiled weakly. "...Just being nice. That's how he was... I dunno why he even put up with me."

Barnaby closed his eyes. Because you were smarter than you let on. Because you were reliable. Because you stood beside me even when I didn't want to stand beside you... and you cared. **I** don't know why **you** put up with me.

"Any chance we're going to see Barnaby also return to HeroTV?" Mario was asking.

Barnaby froze, but fortunately, Kotetsu managed to find a pretty diplomatic answer this time. "Heh... you'll have to ask him! None of my business," he said brightly. A little too brightly.

"All right, that's fair," Mario agreed with a nod. "Congratulations on your success tonight, and your return! Is there anything you'd like to say to your fans out there?"

"Sure is! To those who sent me fan mail wishing me well when I left, I guess I've gotta apologize for changing my mind, huh? But I really appre-"

"Oh!" Mario exclaimed suddenly, pulling the mic away, his hand rising to the bud in his ear. "Blue Rose and Dragon Kid have just cornered the armed robbers that struck half an hour ago! We're going live to the scene now..."

The picture had already cut from a startled, slightly insulted Kotetsu to an aerial view of a street corner across town. Barnaby sighed, watching and not paying any attention at all.

There could be no denying he had missed Kotetsu, and he had to admit, Karina might have had a point. He wouldn't have known the difference between affectionate friendship and love, and maybe Kotetsu hadn't either; maybe Kotetsu had been mistaken, and not him. He just didn't know how, after Kotetsu's revelation and his own reaction, they could possibly get back to the way things had been even if "the way things had been" _was_ what he wanted. And as far as HeroTV went, he had still been on the fence - part of him envying the competitors, part of him hanging back. But the combination of Kotetsu _and_ HeroTV? It seemed that was what he'd really missed, what could make things seem right again - their partnership. That had been right before anything else entered into it.

After the segment ended, Barnaby pulled up the HeroTV website to have a look. Sure enough, Wild Tiger had been re-added to their roster already, though it was a brief summary on the page for the Second League rather than having his own profile. The Second League... Barnaby's eyes narrowed. That could be a problem.

But he'd deal with it if he got that far. He already knew what he wanted to do. Since the segment had only just ended, he knew it couldn't possibly be too late to make a phone call.

Not long after that phone call ended, when he'd been given another number to call in the morning (since Lloyds was not going to be handling the Hero division directly for much longer), his own phone rang. Agnes was already full of ideas, some of which were intriguing, most of which Barnaby had to find diplomatic ways to shoot down. He was a little surprised to realize that he was already smiling. Apparently he'd missed that too.

\---

Just like retirement, the Second League was going to take some getting used to. There were good points, Kotetsu had to admit. The cameras and crew got in their way less, for instance, since usually they were off covering the main events. His coworkers actually listened to his suggestions, for the most part, and their missions didn't generally mean anyone's lives were at stake. But on the other hand, his coworkers were... well, rookies, and not the kind of rookie Barnaby had been, prepared and polished and able to turn on the charm. They were going to take a lot of work to pull together, and probably would still never make it to the A-list. The fact no one's lives were in danger may have meant that a failure wasn't a tragedy, but it also meant that a success was a little less satisfying.

And as much as Kotetsu hated to admit it, he actually sort of _missed_ the spotlight. He'd never thought of himself as someone who really wanted to play the fame game, or who cared about the celebrity aspect of being a hero - but he found himself turning to mug for the cameras, only to see a single crew member with a handheld, and no play-by-play narration. It was surprisingly disappointing. But hey, those days were behind him. At least he still got to be a hero, and wasn't that what he was really supposed to be doing?

So despite the frequent little frustrations and disappointments, he sucked it up and did his job. When he didn't analyze it too much, which he was getting better about, he was having a pretty good time doing it.

And it was _really cool_ that he was getting to work with Ben again; his return had been Ben's idea to begin with, and Ben had come with him when he went to talk to Lloyds - only to find out that Lloyds had other things to attend to after Maverick's fall from grace. If Apollon Media was going to have a hero again, he'd said, they would need to hire someone to oversee the department. Kotetsu had looked at Ben, just as Ben had looked at him, and both of them had just started grinning.

Day before Christmas, and the last of the legal stuff had been finished that afternoon, making it official. It was no wonder Kotetsu was a little distracted from the current chase.

At least Christmas Eve was good for someone. Barnaby had been on his mind too, Kotetsu had to admit - how could he _not_ be? After what had happened the year before, the holiday season was probably even tougher on Barnaby than it had been. Last year had been rough, but Kotetsu had been there. Without him, Barnaby might just be sitting alone and depressed, maybe visiting his parents' grave...

Wherever Barnaby was, Kotetsu would have _much_ rather been with him than chasing some lame Santa impersonator across the rooftops, but hey - it was his job nowadays to do things like this.

Which meant he'd better shape up, pick up the pace, because the rest of the Second Leaguers were getting ahead of him. Maybe he should ditch all the armor, go back to his old spandex suit - it weighed him down less when his powers were used up, which was most of the time nowadays. Lloyds wouldn't have had it, but now that it was Ben he'd be taking these things to, it was possible... But on the other hand, Saito had put some pretty damn awesome stuff in the armor.

Obviously his concentration was still shot, because even with the armor, even after he had Santa Fraud cornered above an auto showroom, he still managed to screw up. One minute he was demanding the guy give himself up, the next thing he knew, his foot had gone right through the glass roof, and _damn it_ \- another benefit of the armor over the spandex was the fact he wouldn't need his powers to survive this fall, but it still wasn't going to be a soft landing. He squeezed his eyes shut in anticipation...

He heard the crunch of metal and glass beneath him, and his landing may have been abrupt, but it was far more gentle than he'd been expecting. Gentle, and somehow extremely familiar.

Before he took his hands away from his face, he thought he knew what he was going to see. The fact he really _was_ seeing it, though, came as a real shock.

The little flicker of Barnaby's gaze off to the side, as Kotetsu sat there - well, lay there in his arms - stammering brainlessly, snapped him to attention; there were cameras. They were being filmed.

Okay, fine. Kotetsu might not have been as good at turning it on as Barnaby was, but he could put on a show for the cameras too, no matter how startled and confused he was. Especially when Barnaby mentioned, in the midst of their too-casual banter, that he'd just have to come back to the show too.

Fortunately, Kotetsu knew how show business worked. As soon as he'd tossed off a catchphrase, he held that pose for a second, as did Barnaby - and then he turned to find Agnes, standing back between a couple of cameras, looking satisfied. "That was _beautiful_ , gentlemen," she told them. "It could benefit from a little editing, but we'll see about that later."

At least they hadn't been broadcasting live, then. Kotetsu looked back at Barnaby - who was just _smiling_ at him. Even while the cameras were being lowered. "...This is serious?" Kotetsu asked in disbelief. "This isn't some kind of joke, is it?"

Barnaby shook his head. "I'm sorry if we put you on the spot. Ms. Joubert thought it would be interesting to see how you reacted to the surprise; I negotiated a delay."

"He pointed out that if you didn't like the idea," Agnes told Kotetsu, "we could be broadcasting a falling-out between the famous Wild Tiger and Barnaby duo - and no one would like that. They might think we'd manufactured the whole thing."

Like they hadn't manufactured it to begin with, Kotetsu thought grouchily... which reminded him of exactly _why_ it was so strange that Barnaby would be there now. Smiling at him. Calling him his partner.

Maybe this _was_ some kind of joke, and Agnes wasn't in on it either. "Um... I think Barnaby and I have some things to discuss first," he told her, removing his helmet, shaking out his hair.

"Take all the time you like," she assured him. "The rest of the Second League caught Santa and are on their way back to headquarters - we brought Barnaby separately. While we finish up in here, you have the truck to yourselves."

"Thank you," Barnaby told her, heading for the exit while flashing her exactly the same sort of bright smile he flashed at the cameras. Seeing that smile again proved what Kotetsu had been hoping he wasn't imagining - that _wasn't_ how Barnaby had smiled at him. It wasn't how Barnaby was smiling at him _again_ , as he held the door open for Kotetsu to follow.

Kotetsu decided not to say anything until they were out of the showroom, in the back of the truck. And even then, he wasn't sure he _should_ say what he wanted to say. But Barnaby seemed to be waiting for him, taking off his own helmet and setting it aside, sitting down on one of the seats that edged the trailer. Kotetsu wasn't even sure where he should _sit_. So he was still standing when he couldn't hold back anymore. "Okay, so... what the hell is going on? Why are you... I mean... What..." Even when he stopped holding back, he still didn't seem to be getting anywhere.

"Kotetsu..." Barnaby's smile faded a little, his eyes showing a soft anxiety. "I saw your debut the other day, when you were talking about making mistakes. You're not the only one who's made mistakes. I decided it was time I started trying to correct some of mine."

That... sounded promising. Kotetsu was trying not to get his hopes up, but it was hard. "Uh... like...?"

"Like refusing to return to a satisfying job because of what other people had done and said," said Barnaby, and lowered his head a little. Just the way he had a tendency to do when he got self-conscious; Kotetsu hadn't realized just how much he'd missed even the little mannerisms, like that. "...Like focusing more on your mistakes than the end results... and the fact that you know they were mistakes."

Yeah, that definitely sounded promising - but it was almost too good to be true. Having Barnaby swoop in and rescue him again, wanting to go back to being partners, forgiving him... Kotetsu couldn't quite believe it could really be happening. He must have been reading too much into it, or maybe... "Hey," he said after a second. "Is this really happening? Or did I hit my head when I fell on that car, and just dream that you showed up and caught me and started saying stuff that sounded like you wanted to be partners again?"

"If you were dreaming it, would I tell you you were dreaming?" Barnaby pointed out, looking up again, with the hint of a smirk at the corner of his mouth.

"...Well, if I _wasn't_ dreaming it, you'd drag it out and make me wonder instead of giving me a straight answer," Kotetsu muttered, scratching his head absently. "But since I know that, maybe I'd dream it too..."

"I'm not sure that even your dreams could be that sensible."

Kotetsu had already been fairly sure he wasn't dreaming it, but he was becoming more so. In spite of his confusion, he smiled faintly. "Same old Bunny." He was _pretty_ sure he was allowed to call Barnaby that again.

"Not exactly the same," Barnaby corrected him, more seriously, and began methodically removing the various components of his armor. "A lot has changed... If I didn't change with it, I'm not sure I would have survived."

Kotetsu nodded, sobering as well. He thought he knew what Barnaby meant. At least that part - the rest was still a little unclear. "So... what are you saying, exactly?" he asked, sitting down just across from Barnaby to rid himself of some armor as well. "Coming back after all this time, like this... What is it that you want from me?"

"For the most part, exactly what I said," Barnaby replied, standing for a moment to get the shoulder plating of the power suit off and set it aside, next to the helmet and gloves. "If you're coming back to HeroTV, I'd like to come back too, and be your partner again."

"Mm-hmm..." While that was good, it wasn't quite everything Kotetsu had been hoping for, and sort of ignored a huge, major issue between them. But then again, maybe it didn't. "Uhm... and about the two of us, and what we had..."

"That's a separate issue," Barnaby said, "though it _is_ related."

"See, I know I blew it," Kotetsu admitted. "I'm just glad you're still willing to be partners, it's not like I couldn't handle it if that's all we were."

"I've been thinking about what you said," said Barnaby. "I've thought about it a lot, actually. Even if you were thinking of me as a partner, you were still better to me than anyone I've known. You gave me nearly everything I wanted without thinking of me as a lover. I think I could be content with that."

"Well..." Still not quite what Kotetsu had been hoping for. "I know it's been a while since we've seen each other, stuff's a little different now... so it's not like it _would_ have been a good idea to jump right back into anything, even if we wanted to..."

But there was no mistaking it. Seeing Barnaby sitting there across from him, his eyes cast down as he carefully occupied himself with removing his boots, pride warring with honest emotion and losing... Kotetsu wanted to.

Barnaby was harder to read, though. "You're right," he said after a moment. "We've spent almost a year apart, and there are no guarantees we're even compatible anymore." He gave Kotetsu a little smirk again, however. "Even if you obviously haven't changed much, judging from your performance tonight."

"Ah, shut up." The little dig had instantly cut some of the tension, though, so Kotetsu just asked. "Anyway... even if it wouldn't be smart to pick up where we left off, like nothing had happened, you think maybe we could just... start over?"

"Absolutely not," Barnaby said. Kotetsu's face fell, and he opened his mouth to apologize, but Barnaby spoke first. "I found you obnoxious at first, and I annoyed you too - why would we want to go through that again? But we _can_ figure out where we want to go from here," he said, lifting his eyes to meet Kotetsu's again.

Kotetsu nodded slightly - only slightly, because he didn't want to look away from Barnaby when he looked so earnest. "Right... We'll see what happens. Right?"

"Exactly." Barnaby nodded, then stilled. He looked hesitant. "But... I wonder if it would be all right..."

Kotetsu didn't know what he meant. "If what would be all right?"

Barnaby looked even more uncertain for a moment. But then, instead of answering, he just scooted forward, reaching his arms out to embrace Kotetsu, and lean his head against Kotetsu's shoulder.

That, as far as Kotetsu was concerned, was perfectly all right. Since Barnaby had made the first move, he didn't have to worry so much about lifting his own arms to wrap around Barnaby's shoulders. Barnaby sighed faintly, almost nuzzling against the padded bodysuit as Kotetsu's arms tightened around him. It wasn't suggestive, though - just... intimate. Which, Kotetsu thought, felt better than if it _had_ been suggestive.

"...This year was awful," Barnaby murmured against his chest, after Kotetsu had just held him like that for a little while. His voice was small and muffled, and Kotetsu wondered if he might have been crying, or trying not to. "Like being lost in a dark cloud... It doesn't make sense, but this... just _this_... makes it all seem further away. Like it's finally really over."

"Good." Kotetsu could only imagine what Barnaby had been going through, most likely alone. "Who gives a damn if it makes sense anyway?" he scoffed, daring to smooth Barnaby's hair. "If it works, it works."

"Your personal motto." Barnaby could still be a smartass even while he was crying - possibly - on somebody's shoulder. "But it's the only way I can explain what you've always been to me."

He fell silent again then, just resting and relaxing in Kotetsu's arms - which gave Kotetsu some time to think. "How about 'partner'?" he suggested.

Barnaby nodded against him. "I guess so," he agreed.

Good thing, because while Kotetsu was willing to be more, it seemed like that was what Barnaby needed most. And at the moment, Kotetsu couldn't think of anything feeling better than this - the sense that Barnaby was willing to rely on him, and trust him.

Especially when Kotetsu didn't deserve it. "Thanks," he whispered.

Barnaby didn't seem to understand. "What are _you_ thanking _me_ for...?"

"Coming back, after what I did." Kotetsu sighed. "I swear, I'm going to try to get things right from now on, but if I mess up again, hiding things from you or not telling you the truth or whatever - kick my ass, okay?"

"It's a lot like kicking my own ass," Barnaby murmured, "but I'll do my best."

Kotetsu squeezed him tighter. "Bet you will." He'd done a pretty good job before, after all. With any luck, it would have worked the last time.

All was quiet for a little longer, the two of them just sitting and holding onto each other, until Kotetsu caught a glimpse of his watch. "...Hey, Bunny? It's just past midnight - merry Christmas." Something occurred to him. "Uh, I don't have a present for you... I didn't really expect to see you."

Barnaby made a quiet, contented noise. "I've already got all I want. ...This is much better than last Christmas Eve."

Kotetsu chuckled faintly. "I'll say." He hadn't wanted Barnaby to be alone, so he'd invited him over, they'd started drinking until Barnaby started talking, and then started crying, and then... "I was still recuperating then - didn't want to aggravate my injuries, so I had to use the Hundred Power to carry you to bed."

There was a muffled laugh, and Barnaby looked up, his eyes sparkling softly in the absence of his glasses. "You never told me that."

"Didn't I?" Kotetsu smiled back, hoping the sight of him was as warm and good to Barnaby as the sight of Barnaby was to him. "Maybe I was saving it."

"Blackmail?"

"Something like that."

Apparently Barnaby wasn't too concerned about the idea; he shifted to rest his head against Kotetsu's shoulder again, and Kotetsu tilted his own head to rest against Barnaby's, closing his eyes... and then opening them again, because the change of angle had caused him to spot something.

The window between them and the cab of the truck was open, and a lens was peering through, a red light flashing.

"Hey!" Kotetsu exclaimed. The sound startled Barnaby into sitting up straight, and Kotetsu got to his feet, scowling as he stalked down the length of the truck, raising his hand to block the view of the camera. "Are you _filming_ this?! What are you even-"

"Don't worry, gentlemen," Agnes's voice assured them. "It's going in the vault of secret footage to be aired if and when we air the special."

"Special?" Kotetsu repeated.

"The retrospective detailing the romance of Wild Tiger and Barnaby Brooks Jr.," she said. "Assuming you do choose to go public. Or did you forget about that little agreement we had?"

It did take a second for Kotetsu to remember. Next to him, he heard Barnaby sigh, shaking his head in exasperation. "But we _retired_ ," he reminded her. "I had to sign a new contract and everything when I came back - the old ones didn't apply anymore!"

"Yes, but the deal we had about your romance wasn't in the contract," she pointed out. "It was a verbal agreement. And I know Wild Tiger isn't the sort of hero who would go back on his word..."

"She has a point," Barnaby acknowledged, and gave Kotetsu a hesitant smile. "But don't worry - it only applies if we go public with a relationship."

Which they might or might not even have. If they did, Kotetsu supposed he wouldn't care so much about any unwanted side effects like specials. He'd be too damn happy to care. "Okay, fine... we'll discuss it if and when it happens. Until then, none of this footage better wind up making it's way to the show," he stated, shaking a finger at her.

"You have my word," she agreed, but there was a defiant sort of gleam in her eye. "I'll make sure that it's precisely as good as yours."

Kotetsu tried to give Barnaby a long-suffering look, but the fact that Barnaby was right there, by his side, smiling at him again... it was hard to think of himself as suffering. He wound up smiling back.


	13. Omake

So Barnaby was still willing to be held and cuddled, even if he didn't want to call what they had a relationship. That was just fine - it really was for the best that they took things slowly, tried to figure out exactly where they stood. After almost a year of not speaking to each other at all, they might need some time to adjust to each other's company again. Though it turned out that aside from a little wariness - which, given the complete disaster of the last time they'd seen each other before that year of separation, was only natural - it seemed almost immediately as if they'd never been apart. Barnaby was more subdued, after all he'd been through plus a year of therapy to deal with it, but he was still Barnaby. As for Kotetsu, Barnaby observed that he'd picked up a little more of his hometown accent after having been back - but other than that, Kotetsu _felt_ about the same. Maybe a little older... not in the washed-up and worn-out sense, for a change, but more like he might have grown up some more.

Falling back into old routines, especially with the two of them back on the same job, was even easier than they had expected. They were working out together, driving each other home, taking meals together... sometimes having a drink at one of their places after a job, and just sitting around and talking, or watching the replays. Kotetsu was cautiously optimistic - which was saying something, because normally he didn't do anything cautiously. But this? He was going to be cautious. There was no way he wanted to foul it up again.

Which was why he waited and considered and planned. Even if his tendency was to come up with something that seemed like the right thing to do and find a way to do it that would make him look cool in the process - well, that tactic had backfired on him numerous times. This time he would think every last detail through - and it didn't matter if he looked cool. All that mattered was not messing things up.

And then, of course, after he'd decided, he had to find the right moment. He could have found a dramatic one, that would have been easy - but what was dramatic might not be _right_. Several dramatic moments came and went, in fact, thanks to the tension inherent in their line of work, and each time he decided to keep his mouth shut and deal with the matter at hand instead.

Even if it was about as uninteresting and uncool as he could have imagined, the moment came when they were heading back to Barnaby's at the end of the day, and Kotetsu decided he'd better act. Otherwise, he might never get around to it. "Hey," he suggested. "Mind if I come up for a drink?"

"Sure, that's fine."

...Definitely nothing dramatic or impressed about the way Barnaby replied. Barnaby didn't even look at him as they headed up to the apartment, just led the way and unlocked the door. Already Kotetsu was beginning to wonder if this was the right way to do things.

He was still wondering a few minutes later, when Barnaby returned from the kitchen, holding up a bottle in an unspoken question. Kotetsu had already screwed up, he realized. "Oh - no, it's okay. I was thinking I might just have some water."

"...Water." Barnaby looked dubious.

"Yep!"

"All right." Barnaby returned to the kitchen, then a few seconds later poked his head out to ask, "Did you... want to sit down and stay for awhile?"

"Yeah, that would be great." Kotetsu had been pacing a little, he supposed. He made himself sit down on the couch, and ran over his plan again. Even the _non-_ risky version didn't seem to be going quite as planned. Everything seemed so awkward...

At least Barnaby had apparently decided that Kotetsu's drink of choice was good enough for him, and returned with two glasses of water. Kotetsu didn't want to do this when either of them had been drinking.

The two of them had been sitting there quietly for a while, taking sips of their water, when the awkwardness overwhelmed Kotetsu. He _had_ to say it. "Bunny..." he began. "I, uh, need to tell you something."

"Oh?" Barnaby set his glass down and turned to look at Kotetsu. "Is that why you've been acting funny?"

"I haven't been..." ...Okay, he supposed he had. "Yeah, see - I don't want you to..."

"Coaster," Barnaby reminded him, prodding him in the knee with one as Kotetsu turned around to put his own glass down.

"Uh. Yeah." That derailed Kotetsu further, but he _was_ going to say it. And probably the best way to say it was to just come out and say it. "Bunny," he murmured, once he'd set the glass down properly and could turn back to Barnaby. "I love you."

Barnaby just looked puzzled. "...Where did this come from?"

"It didn't 'come from' anywhere," Kotetsu said, slightly exasperated. "That's why I didn't go with the bottle earlier - I wanted you to know I meant it, that it wasn't just the booze. And whatever you had to say about it, I wanted to know that you meant it too."

"No, I mean why now?" Barnaby inquired, glancing around his apartment idly. "Nothing about the moment is especially romantic..."

"Exactly - I didn't want you to feel swept away or pressured to go along with it or anything," explained Kotetsu. "I kinda... tried to force the issue before, I know - but that's not what I'm trying to do now. I just wanted you to know. You don't have to say you feel the same way or anything..." Barnaby was giving him an amused little smile, and Kotetsu wasn't sure what that meant. "It's just... I figured since you were the one who put yourself out there the first time either of us said it, and I went and messed that all up. Only seemed fair that I should be the one to put myself out there this time. So I'm just..." He didn't know what else to say; Barnaby's lack of response was making him nervous. "...Putting myself out there. I guess."

"That's actually really thoughtful of you," Barnaby said, and _now_ he looked at least marginally impressed. " _Surprisingly_ thoughtful."

"Gee, thanks," Kotetsu muttered.

"But you didn't have to say anything at all, to be honest," Barnaby continued, scooting closer. "It's always been obvious."

"...It has?" Kotetsu thought he'd been doing at least a passable job of keeping it to himself. But maybe it didn't matter; the way Barnaby was edging towards him along the couch made his heart feel a little lighter.

Barnaby nodded. "Even so, I'm glad you did say it."

Kotetsu's nervousness melted away as Barnaby leaned over and kissed him - softly and sweetly, not passionately. That was the best response Kotetsu could have hoped for. "I wondered if I should act on it," Barnaby continued afterwards. "But I wasn't sure if I would be rushing things. I wanted to know that you had made a decision too, rather than just holding on to old feelings."

"Well, I can't say I actually let go of the old feelings..." Kotetsu admitted, letting himself smile. "I tried..." He'd even gone on a couple of dates back in Oriental Town, but they felt all wrong. He was completely honest when he reached up to take Barnaby's face between his hands, looking into his eyes earnestly. "This? This is the only thing that's seemed as right as Tomoe. I never expected it to happen again - how could I let go of that?"

"To be fair, I never let go either," Barnaby agreed. "My feelings about you were confused for a long time, but I've come to realize they never left." His hands rested on Kotetsu's sides, as he simply gazed back.

"...So it's okay?" Kotetsu said finally. Just to make absolutely sure. He was a little startled, though, when Barnaby laughed softly. "What?"

"You're saying the same things I said when I confessed to you the first time," Barnaby observed. "Saying it was all right if I don't feel the same way, asking if it's really okay..."

"Heh..." He was right. "Here I thought I was the experienced one, and I'm sounding like a first-timer. Guess being a hero's not the only thing you're a natural at."

"Or maybe you're just having a romantic slump too," Barnaby suggested.

"Hah - I could've told you that," Kotetsu muttered good-naturedly. He took a little longer to just look at Barnaby, and let it sink in. They really, truly weren't broken, after all they'd been through? He found it hard to believe, but the way Barnaby was looking at him, he didn't know what other explanation there was.

Then again, it occurred to him that Barnaby had never answered his question. "...So we _are_ okay, right?"

"Kotetsu..." Barnaby's smile grew more sincere. "I love you too. And I promise I'm not just saying that to make you feel better," he added, more teasingly.

Kotetsu supposed he deserved that. And he still didn't think he deserved the kind of kiss Barnaby gave him, deeper than the last one, long and lingering and followed by a kiss that was deeper still. ...It brought back memories. Memories that made him care a whole lot less about what he deserved, and when Barnaby crawled on top of him, leaning him back on the couch, it was difficult to think at all.

He did try to get his head together, though, when Barnaby lowered his head to kiss Kotetsu's neck, sliding his fingers down inside the waist of Kotetsu's pants, starting to untuck his shirt. "Just a sec," Kotetsu murmured, breathless. "Bunny, this is kinda sudden..." Barnaby didn't appear to think so, but he did pause for a moment while Kotetsu gazed up at him. He didn't want to stop, but he had to make _absolutely_ sure. "Should we be doing this so soon?"

Barnaby gave him a knowing look. "Don't you think we waited long enough last time?"

"Heh, all right, fair," Kotetsu conceded with a relieved smile, reaching up to take hold of Barnaby's hips. "I just wouldn't want you to think I was _easy_ or anything."

At that, Barnaby sat up, and nearly fell backwards. "Hey, what...?" Kotetsu said, bewildered at Barnaby's sudden bout of uncontrollable laughter.

" _Easy?_ " Barnaby repeated, incredulous, between gasps for breath. "All you put me through... _You?_ Are the _complete opposite_ of 'easy', you ass!"

That too was fair, Kotetsu had to admit. "Okay, okay, sorry," he chuckled, reaching for Barnaby again. "C'mere, you..."

"No, you know what?" Barnaby laughed, backing up along the couch to evade Kotetsu's grasp and nearly rolling off. "You killed the mood. Killed it."

"Oh, no you don't," Kotetsu told him cheerfully, sitting up as well to go after him. "Like you said, we waited long enough last time, I'm not letting you off that easy!"

"Easy..." Barnaby was practically giggling as Kotetsu landed on top of him. "You're the _hardest_ person I've ever known!"

"Yeah, well, I'm getting there," Kotetsu informed him with a grin, working a leg in between Barnaby's. "Let's not waste it."

Kotetsu was right, he hadn't killed the mood - just changed it. Improved it, in his opinion - he wasn't sure he'd ever seen Barnaby laugh like that. And even when they did roll right off the couch, both of them still laughing, that couldn't kill the mood either. Possibly nothing could.


	14. Epilogue

"I see. ...Mm. That's excellent news. I'm very glad to hear it."

Barnaby didn't sound particularly glad to hear whatever he'd just been told. Kotetsu tried to tune it out... not too hard, when Barnaby's voice coming from the television sounded much more urgent - even frantic.

"Tiger... **Tiger!** Where are you...? Damn it...!"

It made his heart hurt a little to hear how upset Barnaby had sounded. With good reason, of course, and the voiceover was all too eager to point that out.

"Oh, no! There's no sign of Wild Tiger anywhere! He must have still been inside when the building collapsed! And look at that wreckage - no normal person could have survived that! But as we all know, Wild Tiger is a veter- oh, look at that, folks! Barnaby's beside himself! His powers have activated; he's throwing the rubble aside like it's nothing, looking for his partner!"

Behind the play-by-play, Barnaby could be heard practically screaming Kotetsu's name. His _real_ name, now. Good thing his identity was pretty much the worst kept secret in Sternbild after the Maverick incident. Well... now, maybe the second worst kept secret.

"That was Agnes," Barnaby reported, coming back to sit down on his couch beside Kotetsu. "She says it didn't last long enough to cause a huge ratings jump, but they've received a lot of calls about it. There are some threatening boycotts, of course, but the majority of viewers seem to be supportive. There are even a few organizations who are suddenly interested in endorsements."

Kotetsu heaved a sigh that felt as heavy as those beams Barnaby was tossing out of the way, on Barnaby's giant viewing screen. "Great," he muttered. "We're a hot commodity again."

"Well, with your powers having declined, we weren't doing as well in the rankings as we had been before. I suppose it's a good thing." Barnaby rested a hand on Kotetsu's knee, squeezing lightly. "...I really am sorry, though."

"Can hardly blame you," Kotetsu said with a shrug, resting his hand over Barnaby's and squeezing in return. "I probably would've done the same thing. And, uh... I could've paid more attention to what was going on."

"For those of you just tuning in, the mid-season HeroTV celebratory dinner was interrupted when a report came in of a terrorist bombing nearby at City Hall. Three people were killed instantly, but thanks to the quick action of our heroes, the rest of those inside have been saved and accounted for. Tonight we've seen heroes as we've never seen them before, protecting the public even in their formalwear! Truly, these are your heroes, Sternbild - ready to act whenever the need arises! But one hero might not have been quite prepared enough. It looks like Wild Tiger was still inside the burning building, trying to make sure everyone was out safely, when it collapsed! His partner Barnaby is frantic, as you can see..."

"I really sounded like that...?" Barnaby murmured in disbelief, as the camera zoomed in to get a better look.

"Wouldn't know, I wasn't there to hear it at that point," Kotetsu pointed out. "Going by how hoarse you were afterwards, though, doesn't surprise me."

Mercifully, the camera cut away from Barnaby for a moment. "Here's some good news, everyone - Sky High has captured the bombers! They're being taken into custody now. Now it looks like the other heroes are joining in the search for Wild Tiger..."

Sure enough, Rock Bison was working with Fire Emblem, both in tuxedos and their headgear, to move aside more rubble, Blue Rose was quenching the fires with her ice as she scoured the area in her evening gown, calling his name. And of course, at the center of it was Barnaby in a suit jacket now streaked with soot and dust, digging into the ruins with his bare hands.

Kotetsu leaned over to put his arm around Barnaby's shoulder, and Barnaby leaned into him. "Maybe we should turn off the replay?" Kotetsu suggested.

"No... I think it's better we see what actually wound up on the air," Barnaby sighed. "Just so we'll know what we're going to have to answer for."

"I don't think it's going to last much longer anyway," said Kotetsu. "Since Keith's back from handing over the bombers now, and he was the one who found me."

Sky High had just spoken a brief word with Origami Cyclone, then launched himself immediately into the air, blowing away the dust and smoke that was making the search more difficult before surveying the area. Suddenly he stopped short, pointing.

"What's this? Has Sky High spotted something...? Yes he has - it's Wild Tiger! He's safe, and appears to be unharmed!"

Now that the blimp could resume aerial coverage, it had been simple enough to get a shot down into the area from above, the camera going in and out of focus as it zoomed in on a single figure seated against the wall of a building adjacent to where City Hall had once stood.

They watched as the other heroes reacted, surprised and relieved. Even Sky High hadn't made it to Kotetsu's side as quickly as Barnaby, his speed still enhanced by the Hundred Power. "Ko- Tiger," Barnaby breathed, sinking down in front of him, clutching the shoulders of Kotetsu's dress jacket. "Thank goodness... I thought you were still in there..."

"In there? Nah..." Noticeably befuddled, Kotetsu gave him a slightly sheepish grin. "Got kinda turned around, with all the smoke an' everything... went out a fire exit and was trying to figure out how to get back in when it all fell down."

"I think one of us needs to stay sober at official functions from now on," Barnaby remarked, and Kotetsu nodded mutely.

Onscreen, the fact that Barnaby had also had a few drinks before they were called out was becoming a little more obvious, even if there hadn't been plenty of hints earlier to anyone who knew him as well as Kotetsu did. Granted, that was pretty much Kotetsu himself, and maybe Barnaby's therapist. "I thought... I thought I'd lost you... I don't know what I'd do if I lost you..."

"Aw, it's okay." Kotetsu reached up to ruffle his hair fondly - and, Kotetsu realized, he'd caressed Barnaby's cheek a little too. So this wasn't exactly _all_ Barnaby's fault, he'd contributed. Naturally, someone from the ground crew had managed to get there just in time to capture it.  "See, I'm right here, I'm okay..."

And just as the camera on the ground got a good angle, Barnaby closed his eyes, relieved, and leaned in to kiss Kotetsu. And no, it definitely wasn't all Barnaby's fault things had turned out this way, because Kotetsu was kissing back, having completely forgotten they were in the middle of an event - even winding his arms around Barnaby and pulling him into his lap.

"... **Wow!** Who was expecting **this?!** In the midst of this tragedy, a glimpse of hope, as two of our heroes reveal their true feelings for each other! If anyone ever doubted the strength of the bond shared by Wild Tiger and Barnaby, this kiss is proving them dead wrong! Just look at that!"

Of course, they hadn't been in their power suits. They didn't have earbuds, even - there had been too much of a rush to get to the scene from the banquet. They'd had no way to reach each other, and they definitely weren't hearing anything that was being said over the air. It wasn't until they'd drawn back, Kotetsu caressing Barnaby's cheek again with his thumb, that they opened their eyes and realized that they were surrounded by their fellow heroes. And cameras.

The expressions on both of their faces would have been hilarious, if they weren't so embarrassing. Beside Kotetsu on the couch, seeing the close-up of their scandalized expressions, Barnaby leaned forward, burying his face in his hands. Kotetsu patted him on the back, and gamely kept watching.

They hadn't really known what to do. Especially since they couldn't hear the announcer's shocked exclamation that someone _else_ had arrived on the scene. They hadn't known that the situation had changed until the cameramen (who _did_ have earbuds) all looked even _more_ startled, and one of them pointed, having spotted the newcomer. The onscreen Barnaby and Kotetsu turned their heads just as the camera turned away from them, zooming up to focus on an unusual but familiar caped figure above.

Lunatic stood staring down at the heroes, clustered around the startled and embarrassed partners, and for a moment was still, aside from the flapping of his cape in the wind.

"...I suppose you heroes have enough to deal with already today without Thanatos becoming involved, hmm...?"

And with that, he'd turned, his cape flaring and then burning to nothingness as he disappeared.

For once, the bastard had been right.


End file.
